The Fight of My Life

I have a dream that I've been dreaming about since junior high school. I love writing and I love music. If I were able to put them both together, that'd be amazing. But being a songwriter, you have to know that right people and I don't know people. I don't like people. People make me anxious. I don't like feeling anxious.

Small town life doesn't help. I wonder if I lived in a city if God would put the right people in my path, but my boyfriend doesn't want to move.

"Not yet. It's just not the time, Bridget."

"But if we moved to say Kansas City, we could have better luck getting into the music industry."

"Jesse says it's a waiting game. We are just waiting to hear back from the lawyers to see if this deal works out."

"Haven has nothing to offer us anymore."

"No! I don't wanna move! Not yet!"

Bryan and I always end up fighting. Nowadays we are fighting more and more. Mostly over where to live, but a lot of time it's over my mental illness.

Three years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar. My late husband and I found out after I was having massive panic attacks and was placed in a couple mental facilities. By the fifth placement, I had a handle on what to say to get in and out of the facilities. After the fifth placement, I was over being in the facilities. Plus, after one and a half years of getting medicine right, they finally got the depression, anxiety and voices under control. This lead me to not have to go back.

But Bryan doesn't understand my diagnosis. So, even though I've explained to him a hundred times what bipolar is and isn't, we fight... a lot.

"When are you supposed to hear back from the lawyers?" I asked.

"It takes a couple weeks to look over the contract and then we fly out and sign the deal."

"Well, they need to hurry up," I said jokingly but yet seriously. "That hundred grand would be nice right about now, with all the rent and bills we have piling up on us."

"I know," Bryan said as he grabbed my face and gently kissed my forehead.

I guess I do know someone in the music industry, but Jesse doesn't seem to get things done as quickly as I would like them to be. Plus, right now he's not doing anything with music. He's busy being a dad, which having two kids of my own, I completely understand. It just would be nice not to have to worry about finances.

Finances have been tight since Chris passed. I work two jobs and Bryan focuses on his music career. Therefore, my kids stay with my sister. That's another thing we fight about. Kids. He wants a child but I already have two and I don't want anymore. Plus working two jobs pregnant would be hell. Unless this music deal works out but I'm not putting all my eggs in that basket.

Days passed since Bryan and my last fight and work dragged on for what seemed like forever. Bryan and I live in our own apartments and with me working two jobs we don't get time together much.

The next day, Bryan had called me five times and I had 27 unread text messages. I guess he forgot I was working a double shift today. I checked my messages and they all said something to the extent of "CALL ME!"

"What is going on?" I asked as I walked toward my car

"Lawyer called today! We fly out tomorrow to sign the deal!"

"That's amazing! I'm so proud of you! Let's celebrate!"

"Where?"

"Let me go home and shower and we will figure things out. You choose though. It's you and Jesse we are celebrating." I said as I started my car.

"How about I come over and shower too?" Bryan used his "sexy" voice and I couldn't resist.

"If that's how you want to celebrate."

"Well, yeah but first let's go to Mama Jean's to eat. I'm starving."

"Alright," I chuckled, "sounds good to me."

Five more minutes before i get home to take my shower. I punched the gas trying to make it there in less time. After I get home, I take my shower and got ready to go to Mama Jean's for dinner.

Mama Jean's was the only upscale restaurant in Haven. I guess we have that going for us. Other than Mama Jean's, Haven didn't have much else. A PriceCut for groceries, a local hardware store and a dollar store for everything else. But there wasn't anything to actually do; like bowling or skating. I may be in my thirties but I still like to bowl and have some fun.

I get to Mama Jean's and I see Bryan's already got a table for us.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Yep."

"What's that supposed to mean? Yep?"

"Nothing. Let's eat."

"No what's 'Yep' supposed to mean, Bryan?"

"It's not the first time you've made me wait."

"I told you I was going home to shower. I've worked all day. Can we just relax for a bit?"

"Sure."

I slide into the booth across from Bryan and look at the menu. I hate trying to decide on anything let alone on what to eat. I'm a very indecisive person. I learned that the hard way.

"What are you thinking about getting?" I asked Bryan.

"I already ordered. It should be out shortly. Speak of the devil," Bryan said as the waitress brought out a delicious looking burger and fries.

"You ordered without me?" I said shocked he didn't have the patience to wait for me.

"Yeah, what you gonna do about it?"

"Have you been drinking?"

"Duh, we are supposed to be celebrating."

"Alright, let's go," I said. I stood up and grabbed my purse.

"No, I'm hungry and I'm going to eat."

"I don't care. You're drunk and need to go home. We will talk more about this in the car."

"Bitch! Why would I go with you?"

I was trying not to make a scene but when Bryan yelled "bitch," everyone stared.

"Whoa! That's a little much, Bryan."

"Get. Out. Of. My. Face," Bryan said as he got in mine.

To not make a scene, I walked away, trying to push back the tears. I got to my car and left but not before I threw my purse at the passenger side seat and screamed.

'He makes me so mad!' I thought as I grit my teeth and let the tears roll down my face. 'All we do is fight anymore.'

I wake up the next morning still upset over everything that happened the night before. Luckily, today was a day I had off from both jobs, which happened very rarely, so I decided to spend it in bed. After several hours of staring at my phone, I decided to go to the bathroom and get me something to eat. I was in the middle of making me a freezer meal when my phone rang. I was hoping it was Bryan calling to apologize for last night but of course the jerk wouldn't call; he had a record deal to sign. The number was one I did not recognize. I usually don't answer those kind of calls but something told me to answer this one. After the fourth vibration of the phone I answered.

"Hello?"

"May I speak with Bridget Burdon?"

"Speaking."

"My name is Timothy and I'm with Atlantic Records. I've heard some of the songs you've written and would like to offer you contract deal."

"Is this a joke?"

"Umm... No... We loved your song "Runnin'" and want to offer you a deal."

"You're serious?"

"Yes, ma'am. All we need is an email address to send the contract over to you. We recommend you print it out and sign it, then send it back to us."

"I will have my lawyer look over it, too."

"Sounds good."

After I gave Timothy my email address, I said, "thank you," and hung up the phone.

Oh. My. Goodness. I just got an offer from Atlantic Records! I screamed with excitement. I can't believe it. I was so excited I needed to call someone. I reached for my phone as the microwave beeped behind me telling me my food was done. I was too excited for food now. I started calling Bryan, but then I stopped. He's the reason I went into a depressive state last night and this morning. I hung up the phone and slowly put my phone on the counter of the small island in my kitchen...

TO BE CONTINUED...