The Effects on Children who Witness Verbal Abuse Between Parents

When a child witnesses verbal abuse between the two people they love most in the world, it is devastating, and it affects them deeply. They grow up with the idea this type of love and drama is normal, and the effects can linger long after they become adults and leave their dysfunctional home.

Believe me when I say, this is no way for children to live. The effects are devastating, and I am a firm believer that children are better off with one happy parent than two unhappy parents.

Some of the effects on children growing up in this environment are:

Low Self-Esteem

When a child is constantly exposed to a violent environment between their parents, they develop a poor definition of self and values. Their self-esteem can be further damaged by inconsistent responses from their parents toward the behavior which is very undermining to the child. Seeing such emotional abuse makes a child feel confused, powerless, and helpless. Many children blame themselves for the anger between their parents, furthering their low self-esteem. Oftentimes children grow up to be verbal abusers or victims of abuse. Little girls who see their mothers constantly berated, criticized, and abused often choose men of the same caliber and become victims of abuse themselves. Boys in this environment often grow up to be bullies, criminals, and abusive toward women therefore continuing the cycle of abuse. Their children witness this behavior, and the cycle goes on and on.

Lack of Trust in Others

When a child lives with two people whom they trust and they see these people constantly fight, threaten, or leave the home during an argument, a child loses faith in the adults around them. Having to walk on eggshells, a child never knows if they will be neglected emotionally and/or physically or if the parent will try to smooth things over with the child after the abuse, temporarily restoring the child’s confidence in them, only to have it resurface again. When a child’s environment is chaotic, a child will not know whom to trust because things are always on the brink of another fight. The tension is always there.

Anger Issues

When children see fighting between their parents, oftentimes they began acting out and starting fights themselves. They are so overwhelmed with the problems at home and those feelings have nowhere to go, so they become angry. Helplessness toward seeing your mother verbally assaulted, a young boy may pick a fight with another boy in school. He cannot fight his father so he will fight another male. Too often, these boys grow into men with anger issues and can inflict severe violence as adults. They become aggressive and are often mistaken for bullies themselves although they are hurting inside.

Depression

Children often blame themselves for the fighting between parents which can further lower a child’s self-esteem and self-blame sets in. Depression often follows. With depression can come suicidal thoughts, extreme acting out or overly pleasing behavior. Children may shut themselves off from others and lose interest in things they once enjoyed, and parents often mistake this behavior for boredom.

Emotional Disorders

When a child is subjected to an unhealthy home life where verbal abuse is occurring, a child feels unable to handle situations in life. Issues such as impaired concentration, difficulty in school, stress disorders, phobias, stuttering, insomnia, and psychosomatic illnesses can result. Often the disorder will be left unattended by the parent because they are overwhelmed themselves by their own situation and the child is left to suffer

If you or someone you know is struggling or living in an abusive or dangerous situation, please take your children and call your local 911 for help and assistance. You are not alone.

♥