The Devil's Chains

Okay, so where did we leave off? Ahhh right...the random thought I had in the bathroom to take the pain medication for not only my physical pain but also for my emotional pain. To this day I still cannot tell you how, what or why that thought popped into my brain but I constantly wonder how my life would've turned out if it didn't. I cannot change the past though, I can only learn from it and hopefully my past can help change some others futures'.

It had been awhile now since my last surgery and here I was still taking pain meds, and back then doctors didn't know then what they know now and I had no problems getting refills because I was still in pain. To be fair, I was! I was still in pain, I didn't know then but I had already become dependent on my medication so if I went too long without it my pain receptors in my brain would go haywire and cause pain through my body to get me to take the medication. That is how opiates work, and it is a scary, slippery road.

I mentioned before about how I was getting bullied. Boy oh boy did it only just get worse for me because I was getting high, didn't know that I was high and going out in public, going to school and not to mention I have always been a little odd, but these drugs made me flat out weird.

I am in eighth grade now. Now for a moment close your eyes and picture you are a small kid in middle school. You have no friends, the only time people talk to you is when they are laughing at you, calling you names, or asking why you are talking to them. You are lonely, you are sad, and you are scared. You also cannot understand why. Why are you such a freak? Why can't you make friends? Why is life so hard?

Looking back I see now how dangerous those questions are to ask oneself. Those questions drove me deeper and deeper into a dark hole, and deeper and deeper into my addiction. Now, saying what I just did I wouldn't go back in time and change anything because this story is my life and I wouldn't have learned and lived through what I have if anything was changed back then. I am grateful for the life lessons that I have learned so far.

Skip forward a little bit into ninth grade. I am still using my pain medication and I am still a nobody, a loser, a freak, and an outcast. One day I was in my Spanish class and I am not able to keep up with that class, my brain doesn't work that way or something. My teacher told me I was stupid in front of the entire class. I was humiliated. After the class ended and I was walking out a boy, we will call him John to protect identity, came up to me and told me not to listen to the teacher that I wasn't stupid. This was the first time in a long time someone other than a family member had shown me any type of kindness. He and I became fast friends as he as well got bullied a lot. We stuck up for each other and ignored the world it seemed.

This year was also the year that I got introduced to heroin. That is right, I began using heroin in middle school. I still do not know why I thought it was a good idea but I could use less and it cost less than pain medication and of course my soul was still in pain so it had its purpose. I kept this hidden this entire school year. No one including my family had the slightest clue that I was not only on drugs but was on hardcore drugs and an addict. I didn't even comprehend from this young age that I was an addict, I didn't even fully comprehend what addiction is in all honesty. In my head I pictured an addict as a bad person, someone who was on the street, and gross. I was none of these things. I was just a kid. Just a kid who needed extra help feeling "normal"

You have made it to the end of this chapter. Thank you for reading. This upcoming chapter will delve deeper into my High School years. Those were very dark years that not even I was prepared for. I hope you have enjoyed getting a glimpse of the story of my addiction and I hope in the end this will help inspire those who have gone through similar things as me. Thank you for showing interest in my journey and I will release Chapter 3 here shortly.