THE BREAD TRAP

Sleep shouldn't be hard! I personally have no trouble slinking off into the beautiful dark silk of night. I know others do. The trouble I have now, in my mid forties is staying awake. But how has it come to this? Admittedly I am a little overweight. But I exercise when I can. I snore - like Godzilla with a cold - my wife constantly says. But I have had tests for sleep apnoea which have proved fruitless. I have depression. Inflammatory arthritis. I need to cut myself some slack right?

But the demands of the corporate elite demand my worth.

People who have read of my recent struggles of mental health will know I have been off work for a few months. I had been struggling for weeks prior to my initial downfall. In short, I was having trouble on my medication, and have now found a replacement. It's okay, not great, but sometimes we have to sift through the dirt and get our hands dirty, well in this case, our minds.

I was feeling exhausted, not just through the depression but my own failure to provide for my family - it weighs heavy, ten-fold, a lingering self loathing that demeans your self confidence. It feels like you are sharing your body with an interloper - a foreign devil which relishes in seeing you wither into a Golemesque caricature. Mind and body a living sludge.

I am a lot better, and I am shortly returning to the daily grind. But here I posit a question, an enigma. For all the toil and broil, trouble and bubble (cash) is it really beneficial for us to lose out on what sleep we have?

SLEEP THAT SOOTHES AWAY ALL OUR WORRIES.

SLEEP THAT PUTS EACH DAY TO REST.

SLEEP THAT RELIEVES THE WEARY LABORER AND HEALS HURT MINDS.

SLEEP, THE MAIN COURSE IN LIFE'S FEAST, AND THE MOST NOURISHING.

Shakespeare

William knew, didn't he?

A combination of depression, autoimmune disease and fatigue has put me on my arse. Sleep is my only release, albeit fleetingly. Parts of my body ache which I didn't even realise I had. Over these last few months I have cherished that night-time world, sometimes too much, depression and sleep can be a volatile mix in the hands of unstable minds. But are we substituting good precious sleep for big bucks?

Not working for three months has given me a serious wake-up. Don't get me wrong, I still set my alarm weekdays for the school run and various appointments, but over the Christmas period I didn't, and I was grabbing at least a minimum of 9 hours of sleep unaided. Refreshed. Have we reached the stage in human evolution where we are giving up the holiest of holies for profit?

Yes, we need a house. We need to eat. We need water, to drink and to bathe, but should a basic human right be sanctioned under the need to earn more? Lack of sleep can cause illness, depression, accidents, abuse, blood disorders and yet your bosses want you in and crunching those numbers. For what? Your health? Your wellbeing? Unfortunately, with experience, I can say, passionately, no.

I remember years ago Clive Barker relating in an interview about the imagination, and that if you look into a school playground you will see every child enjoying that free reign in which to explore with their minds, before the sure signs of the 9-5 rears its head through the onslaught of SATS and exams, before the indoctrination to corporations and the breadcrumbs of wanting to contribute to society. A trail that can potentially lead to leaving dreams behind, day and night, of numbing our feelings through burnout and the chemical grip of antidepressants. We are bred for money, and your sleep, your only outlet is in danger also.

But we must have that holiday to Bali darling! We need a new car! We need a new kitchen like the Smith's over the road. Have you seen their kitchen splash backs? They light up when you walk in the room.

So fucking what? Go build a pyramid!! This isn't fucking evolution, you're a slave to the wage and your fucking soul smells like a freshly printed ten dollar bill. Get some sleep, dream, inspire, think of your place in the grand topography of existence and then ponder the question - What have I done? You haven't changed anything! You didn't solve global warming or put a woman on Mars. You did it all for yourself and had your sleep robbed from you. You're still gonna die!

You've got a great car there mate, and I'm sure the wife loves getting in the back with you for a fondle, but what have you done? Did you build the Taj Mahal? End hunger? That's worth losing some sleep over. Or maybe you cured cancer? Sleep sacrificed for passion and the betterment of mankind is worth dying for. Not the latest car that makes your dick look bigger. It doesn't make you shine, boy!

In a state of pandemic the big companies still want us in. Earning them money. Oh of course, earn yourself some bread, do. But don't be forced, You're a human being, with limitations. And no one is the same. Some need more sleep than others I get that, but where do you draw the line? When you are off sick with burnout? Falling asleep at the wheel? You'll hear the usual warnings of care. You should get some sleep. You look tired. Get an early night. But if you keep going and ignore the signs this can become detrimental to your health and wellbeing. You have one job. Making sure you reach your quota, not anyone else's.

Sleep isn't just rest. It's divine. And if you don't get enough then it is about time you did. Mozart slept. As did Van Gogh. Jim Morrison, Picasso, but they never once offered their sacred hours to the corporate entity and told when they had to clock in.

We're not putting families on Mars people, and if you are, just grab and hour at least, eh?