The Beginning

My name is Crystal, I was born January 1st, 1997. First childhood memories are always something that we would like to remember and cherish when we get older. During the first three years of my life I was abandoned by both my parents. They brought me to a place where a woman named Robayn took care of me. She was Nicole’s dads sister, Laurie's best friend. Laurie and Matt left me with her from the day I was born till I was three so they could work on their relationship. Robayn became my mother, she took me in, fed me, bathed me, clothed me, and raised me. She was there every step of the way that my own biological mother wasn’t there for. I don’t remember a lot of it. I was very shy growing up, I did as I was told and tried to stay out of trouble. My very first memory is coloring in a notebook on her old couch. I remember going upstairs and picking out clothes to wear even though I would be going outside to play in the dirt. She once told me that I started dancing at the age of one, and that I never stopped. My favorite character was Elmo, I called him momo around one and a half. My first helmet was black with a big star on the back. My favorite outfits were yellow, I hated yellow after awhile. My favorite show as a baby was Teletubbies, she hated that show. She hardly let me watch it but other people would. At age two, she believed that I had been coming down with motion sickness, because for three months straight I puked every time we went for a ride, then it stopped as suddenly as it started, I kind of remember that. My first daycare was on five mile line road. She worked the morning paper route, sometimes she would take me with her. there was one night she took me, she got out of the vehicle, I seen a beautiful Siamese kitten. I wanted her to be mine, I couldn’t say kitty so I said killy. I told aunt Robayn there's a killy killy. Aunt Robayn told me no. I still called for her, and she climbed into the vehicle. Aunt Robayn wasn’t thrilled but I got a new kitten. I named her killy because I couldn’t say kitty. I never realized till I was older that this woman that has been there my entire life was the one who took care of me. No one could ever replace her, No matter what she will always be my number one mom. There was a man that was by my side growing up, I was his little girl, he was like a dad I never had. He was my uncle john

The last thing I remember of being there before I was taken back was that on a new years eve I was sitting in the living room with Robayn in my purple tinker bell chair watching the ball drop counting down to zero till my third birthday. Maybe a few months later when it was spring Laurie and matt showed up to bring me home with them. On the car ride to my new home in Macedon New York, Laurie and matt got into an argument. I'm not sure what it was about but I remember her asking him why he looked at her the way he did and he said I don’t know silently. She looked at him as she was driving and started hitting him, threatening him that she would kick is ass out of the car as she's driving. I was so terrified and I stayed silent. I didn’t know where my life was going but deep down I knew that this wasn’t my home or where I was meant to be.

Arriving to this new destination was at a rundown trailer park. The stars were shinning and for the first time ever I seen a shooting star. I remembered that someone had told me that if you see one to make a wish and it would come true. Seeing that star fly across the sky I made a wish that I could go back home and that everything would be ok. For some time it was but over a few months it took its toll. I was still wearing diapers, drinking out of a sippy cup watching tv like dragon tales, scooby doo, or whinny the pooh. My sister wasn’t always around, there would be rare times she would come to visit and stay the weekend, but she always left.

The first time I was learning how to go to the bathroom, I ended up using the bathroom in my diaper, Laurie got aggravated and told me no that I did wrong and that I was supposed to use the training potty that was sitting in the kitchen up against a wall near a window. She then changed my diaper and put it on my head and told me that if I'm going to use the bathroom in my diaper that I can just smell like it. I cried like all kids do when they get yelled at. There was another time when they had gotten an exercise chair, I use to play with it all the time. Id lay on my back and use the arm stretchers to life myself up on it. There was a time where I laid on my belly and I was laughing so hard that I pooped myself, They both laughed. I got cleaned up, my dad picked me up and brought me into the room and he told me that I was all clean now. He spun me around in circles, I hated being spun, I cried. My dad put me on the couch, and like every kid if you give them candy everything is all better. He gave me an orange and pink Mentos, those were my favorite. He picked me back up and said everything is better. As he held me I realized that there wasn’t something right, for the first time in my life I had seen something that wasn’t from this world. I looked into the kitchen and I seen a black figure in the kitchen, I told my dad what I was seeing and when he turned around and the pots and pans hanging above the island began to move. Matt moved forward and the black figure crouched down on the floor near the stove. Matt turned the light on and it was gone, he told me it was a ghost. Hearing the words that it was a ghost I was terrified. But I also didn’t know what to think about it. My dad then brought me to bed and tucked me in. I fell asleep instantly, but later on that night I woke up to feel a heavy presents, so I hid under my covers. I was so scared that I shut my eyes, I popped my head out and looked at the side of my bed and seen the same dark figure just watching me. So I covered my head again and waited awhile. After a little bit I looked again, and it was gone. So I slowly got out of bed and went to turn the light, my light was one of those old fashioned ones where there was a knob that you press and can dim the light to a higher or lower setting. As I got to my light and pressed it the knob popped off, I picked it off the ground. I had realized that when I picked it up the figure was making its way out from under my bed, so I quickly tried to put the knob back in place. I gave up and tried to run, but before I could go anywhere the black figure grabbed me by the legs and pulled me onto the floor. After that I don’t know what had happened next, all I remember is waking up in the morning in bed, I was so horrified. During the time we lived here I made a friend, his name was Kyle. He became my childhood best friend. He was that friend where we went to his grandmothers house, where he lived, and watched movies, and he shared his cookies.

My family and I left and moved out of New York, we went to a state called Kentucky. We lived here for a little while as well, we never just stayed in one place. So I never really had a permanent home. Kentucky is the place were the main source of my pain began. We drove during the night, I remember falling asleep sitting in my car seat. Whenever we stopped I would wake up, there was a point in time when we stopped at a toll there was a person that was working there and had seen me. They told my parents that I was cute, and gave me a sugar sucker. Sugar suckers became my favorite after that day. Our new home was in a small town in Mayfield Kentucky, it was a white house with a huge backyard. We had neighbors that lived next to us on the right. They had two boys they were Asian, they became my new friends. My sister Nicole stayed with us for a little while, her and I shared a room, but most of the time I slept in the living room on my red metal bed. The house had a porch, when walking into the house there was a living room that was in the entrance, on the left of the living room there was a door that lead into a bedroom. That bedroom was my parents. Next to the living room and the bedroom there was an open dining room that lead to the kitchen. In the kitchen there was a hallway that lead to the bathroom and nikkis and my bedroom and a door before the hallway. The door lead to a dark green carpeted room with a window to look outside. The room was dark and no one really went into it. Over a few weeks of us living there matt began to add on to the house. Building more room into the bathroom to open it up so that it wasn’t so small. Living in Kentucky I met matts brother Wayne. My uncle Wayne was my favorite person in the world, he was like a father to me and always spoiled me every chance he got. Wayne loved golf and was obsessed with Brittney spiers. I remember I stayed with him on weekend and he turned on MTV and Brittney was preforming hit me baby one more time. My uncle sang and danced, it made me laugh that this mans heart melted to a woman on tv. There was never a dual moment with him, when I spent time with him I was always happy.

Being at our new house Nikki left to go back with her dad. I felt alone so I slept in the living room on my bed. I woke up that night to a heavy presents on me , I thought is was the dark figure again. It wasn’t, it was someone else. I asked them who they were, he told me it didn’t matter. I told them to go away, but they didn’t. the person told me to shut up and to open my mouth. The voice was from someone that I didn’t expect to hear.. It was matt, my father, the man that helped conceive me and brought me into this world. This was the man that was supposed to protect me, and never break me down. I yelled and told him no. he got more egger and stern and told me to open my mouth. I told him no, asking "daddy why are you doing this." he told me he wasn’t my dad, and "to shut up and open your mouth. " I yelled for my mother, but he told that if I ever told anyone that he would kill me and whoever I told, shoving his dick in my mouth, saying it was chicken. I told him I knew It wasn’t as he tried to continue, I was terrified, confused, all I could do was cry. Wondering why this was happening, I knew that this wasn’t right. Not for anyone to have to go through. From that day on I wasn’t the same, it was hard for me to trust him. The next day I was playing with the neighbors and one of the boys said something to me, and I told them that I didn’t want to be friends with them or see them ever again. Every chance I got I told my mother that I wanted to go with my uncle. He was the only person that I felt that wouldn’t hurt me. Over time I missed my friends and their family bringing me out to the store with them and their parents getting me candy but I knew that nothing was the same.

There was a time where my mother and matt had friends over for a party, my uncle was there. Everyone was drinking and I was watching chucky. As a child I discovered the child's play movies, I enjoyed the fact that a doll would come to life and murdered people. I don’t understand why. Once the party died down everyone left, it was only my mother, matt, and my uncle left. For dinner we all had lobster, I loved seafood. My uncle Wayne decided to ask me to go get him a beer out of the fridge, little did I know it was a trap. As I opened the fridge to grab him a beer, I noticed a lobster staring at me on top of the beer, I screamed, they all laughed. Later that night when as I got ready for bed, I went to the bathroom. I always have this habit of looking in the toilet to make sure nothing is in there, well as I looked I yet again seen a lobster looking at me in the toilet. I yelled at my uncle telling him that it wasn’t funny and that I needed to go to the bathroom. Uncle Wayne was passed out from all the drinking, so Laurie had a creative Idea to do his makeup for the morning. To see him wake up and be surprised of the situation it was hilarious. Wayne stayed the night again the next night, he took one of the face masks that Laurie had and put it on his stomach. He believed that once it was hardened want when he peeled it looking like a dead skin sheet that it would scare me. He was fooled to think id be scared or have a surprising reaction to something so ridiculous. He left the next day, everything was fine for awhile.

One morning I was getting ready for daycare, my mother told me I was putting my shoes on the wrong feet, they were pink vans. So I began to switch my shoes to the right feet and she began to yell at me telling me that I was stupid and that I was a retard. Hearing this I began to feel an emotion worse than sadness. I went to daycare where my mother had to come back to get me because a child stole my toy, so I took it back and beat him with it. The daycare center called my mother. On the way home I remember sitting in the back seat looking down at the floor when all of a sudden I see a bug on my leg. I screamed, Laurie yelled at me asking what my problem was and I told her there was a bug. She told me to kill it, but I told her I couldn’t. she pulled over and it was gone, it was no where to be found. This woman that was supposed to be my mother made me feel like the stupidest person in the world. She would go out of her way to get worked up and yell at me over time. There was one time where she called for me, at first I thought she was calling for the cat, so I waited for her to call again. The second time she called for me. So I went into the living room and said yes, she said nothing. So I walked away, I made it to the kitchen and she did it again, so I went back out and said yes? She said nothing I was calling for the cat. So yet again I walked away, she called for me again. This time I ignored it and went to my room, she kept calling for me, so at the third time I went out and said yes. She then yelled at me telling me I need to get my ears checked and that she wasn’t calling for me, yet again it was a nothing name calling game of hers calling me retarded and stupid. Don’t get me wrong but there were times where I wasn’t so smart, like when I asked her if I could try vinegar. There were a few times where I seen her eat a habanero pepper, my dumb ass decided to ask her if I could try it. So of course her knowing how hot it was she let me. It was very spicy, so she gave me water. Water does not help, so she gave me bread, that worked better. If you ever eat something spicy use bread or milk.

later on we moved to a different house in Kentucky, my parents still fought, they put their hand on each other. My sister came back to stay with us again. Her and I shared a room like we always did. We used to have several blankets and pillows, we used to stack them up in the middle if the room to try to see if they would touch the sealing. They didn’t once it got high enough it would fall over. We use to play in boxes, usually to see if we fit. Nikki and I use to have the same fuzzy Whinny The Pooh blanket, she would wake m up in the middle of the night holding her blanket up like she was whinny the pooh to try and scare me. I told her I knew it was her but she still tried to pull it off like I didn’t know it was her. Nikki had a pet turtle at one point in time, it died, but our mother told her it got out and ran away. Years latter I told her the truth and she told me that our mother said it ran away, I told her I knew and that she told me not to say anything to her. Her and I were still young kids, we ate breakfast together. Most of the time we ate cereal, I hated that it would get all soft and soggy. Our mother would yell at me too eat it when it got like that, id gag everything, I hated the texture. The year we were here it was Halloween, I was minney mouse, before we went matt raked leaves and as every child loved to do, I jumped in them, and threw them all over the yard. I don’t remember going out and getting candy though. There was a night where there was a huge thunder storm, and we were all sitting in the living room watching it out the window. Nikki and I were scared crying, over a little time I grew to except it and enjoyed the flash of the lightning streaming across the sky.

Growing up matt had a dog named Zues, three snakes, Buddha, Jake and there was a female one that did not like my mother. We also had five cats, Simba, Pebbles, Monk, Ed, and Gizmo. Pebbles and gizmo were calico cats. pebbles was a black calico that loved minty things and olives, she looked like an owl. Gizmo was a grey calico, she was my kitty cat, I adored her a little to much, she was my baby. Eventually we got a black lab, we didn't have him for long because Laurie didn’t like the fact that the puppy was too much responsibility, and he made a mess. One night I was playing with a Kodak camera while my parents were fighting, remind you I was still a child and didn’t now how it worked. I was holding it the wrong way and pressed the button to take a picture, the flash was on and all I seen was a bright light in my eyes. I felt blind for a few minutes but after awhile I could see again. I remember that when my parents fought that night it was about the puppy, my mother yelled at my father telling him to take care of the dog or she wanted it dead. I walked into the kitchen to see my father taking the dog outside, he was out there for some time. When he came back in the puppy was not by his side, I never seen the puppy ever again. Later on they had gotten into another argument when I was laying in bed, my mother came into the room and said come on we are leaving. My mother didn’t have her own car at the time so we walked, it felt like miles. She had told me that he had put his hands on her and that the cops showed up twice because of it. I remember I had a stuffed animal in my arms it may have been my Pluto from mickey mouse. We finally made it to the top of a hill on the side of the road where we stopped, far enough away from the house where my father was still at. A cop stopped and asked us why we were on the side of the road and my mother told him what had happened, after that I don’t remember what happened. After that my fathers mother came to stay with us, she stayed in a room that was similar to the dark green room that was at our last home. When my mother and father would fight id stay with her, we would look out the window looking at the stars. My mother had a dart board that they would play, there was once where they taught me how to play. I wasn’t good at it, the darts got stuck in the wall, leaving wholes but they didn’t care. Over time I got better, Laurie was a pro, and all I could think was one day I want to beat her at her own game. Every time they played id join in, we would take turns shooting three darts on our turn and adding up the points. I began getting better and better at it, there was a few times where I beat matt. Laurie would laugh and rub it in his fact that I beat him. I felt so proud of my self that I did something good in their eyes for once.

Leaving Kentucky in a U-Haul is the last thing I remember there, driving on the road and being taller than all of the other vehicles. We moved back to New York, somewhere in Rochester, looking back I still remember where the road is. We moved into one of matts dads house, it was yellow and big. Looking at the house there was a small front yard, there was a garage on the left side of the house. Walking into the house there was a small bathroom on the left of the front door, there was a stair case in front of the door leading to the upstairs, there was a side hallway near the downstairs bathroom and stairs leading to the garage, and back door, and also to the kitchen. On the right side when you walk into the house there was the living room with an open dinning room that lead to the kitchen on the back left. I have two grandfathers with the name Ed, the grandfather that we lived with was my uncle Wayne's dad. My other grandfather named Ed is Matthews dad, and he lives with my grandmother Stella. My grandfather Ed that we lived with always had a container of peanuts on the living room table. I hardly ever seen him, he was working or was going on vacation. He had so many knickknacks around the house. He also had several cactus plants in the living room by the bay window. I had never seen one before, I did feel them. I never got stuck with the needles, that was a plus. Being here I thought things would change, but I was still afraid of what would come later on here. Being here I my mother got new things for me to try like purple ketchup, blue and pink butter that if you mixed them it turned purple. It was cool from my opinion. My grandfather later on moved out and matt repainted and furnished the old room. Nikki came back to stay with us the old room became hers. If you walked up the stairs in the house on the left there was nikkis room. There was a closet nest to her room, and the bathroom was at the top of the stairs. On the far back right of the hall way there was my room, it was a cyan dark blue. In my room I didn’t have many toys. On my dresser I had a fish tank that had gold fish. At the time I didn’t know names so I named my three fish star, heart, and square. They never lived past a year, so we flushed them down the toilet. Across from my room was my parents room their room was big but I never really went in there. I usually played in the back yard eating dandelions before they bloomed, or are grass. Usually id also be in the kitchen, living room, or my room. Rare occasions the old ladies that lived in the house next door on the right would bake me cookies. They were like my own grandmas that were always thrilled to see me. My sister wasn’t there with me at this house for long. Nikki protected me most of the time when she was there, she was my idle.. If she did something new id do it, if she got highlights in her hair I wanted them as well. Being here nikki saved me and made me realize that what matt had did to her and I wasn’t right. For her, he hurt her more then he did to me. I didn’t know till she saved me one night. Our mother wasn’t home, don’t know where she was but she was no where to be found. At this time our mother was a stripper, her name was Kandi, she was doing drugs. nikki was in her room, and I was in mine. Matt my name, and I began to walk to my parents room. Nikki herd him and knew right away he was up to no good. She ran out of her room and quickly grabbed me and pulled me into her room. She saved me from what happened next, because she protected me, she became his victim. Our mother came home and caught him in the act of what he was doing to her. That was the last night I seen my sister for a very long time. There was a time we went to main for a few months, I got to meet my aunt pam and uncle chad, I also got to meet my cousin Ashley and Nathen. They were religious. My cousin Nathen and I were close till he decided to bite a chunk of skin off my elbow. After awhile we went back home to where the horror started back up again.

The last time I remember being at that house was, one night my mother left to bring one of her friends home. I was sitting in the living room watching cartoons, matt was upstairs. I thought he was sleeping, but after about fifteen minute of my mother being gone, he began to call me. I ignored him, deep down I had a feeling that it wasn’t a good thing. He kept calling me, I told him no. kept telling me to go up to his room, but I kept telling him no. he constantly continued to call me over and over again, so eventually I gave in and went up stairs. As I went upstairs he grabbed me with a smile on his face and laid me down on the bed. After laying me down on the bed, he pulled his pants down and turned to me, looking at me. The phone rang as soon as he tried to move in closer to me, he answered, I believe it may have been my mother. That’s when I knew what his intentions were. I ran out of the room and went down stairs crying. He yelled at me telling to get back up there and I continued to cry as I stayed on the couch, I knew from there that what he was doing wasn’t right. my mother came home to see me crying, she asked me what had happened and I tried to tell her but he came downstairs, began to tell her that I was lying. My mother told me to go to bed, and she began yelling at him asking him why I would lie about something like that. I cried myself to sleep that night, later that night I was woken up by the screams of my mother calling for me. I was so scared to know why, I left my room and began walking down the stairs, matt looked at me and told me to go back upstairs. My mother was crying, holding a cloth on the side of her face, she begged me to stay, I knew that if I went back upstairs that he would hurt her more, so I stayed on the stairs. Looking into my mothers eyes I could see her pain, I loved my mother and didn’t want to see her ever go through that. I was heart broken, I knew that he was a strong powerful woman but at this moment she was not. She was terrified that she might lose her life if I turned my back on her. Because of this woman, I stayed as she told me to, I couldn’t listen to someone who destroyed me, so because of how much I new she was holding on for her life I did the same. She told him that we were leaving, we packed the car up and left. As we were in the car trying to make our escape she realized he was following behind us. She tried to lose him, but he always managed to be there. We managed to be able to stop at a Walmart, where she called our aunt Cathy, she explained to her that we were needing some where to go and that he was following us. My aunt Cathy came and followed us to her house where we finally were safe. We stayed there for awhile, my mother and our cousin heather went out to party a lot.

My mother and I eventually moved to the city, a street called Hazelwood. We were here for three years, every three years we moved to somewhere new. Our new place was an apartment, the man that lived above us for while, his name was mike.

My mother enrolled me into the school down the road called 33, it was my fist year of kindergarten. I didn’t like the school because I was the only white girl there. Several of the other kids looked at me weird, I was out of place there. There were times where I would have class with a boy that didn’t like me. He would pick on me and punch me, there was another time where he came up behind me and choked me, I went home with a black eye and a fat lip. My mother told me that if anyone ever tried to put their hands on me to hurt them back. I believe that the boy got suspended, I never seen him again.

Nikki was visiting us again, we shared a bedroom. There was one time that I remember that she told me she hated me and wished that I was never her sister. She told me she wanted to play hide and seek, so she emptied one of our purple touts that had our toys in it and said to hid in there and she will act like she doesn’t know were I am. Little did I know she was putting me in a trap, I got in the tout and she put the lid on, and began putting heavy toys on top. I waited there for awhile till I started to get worried. I began to yell for our mother, she came in the room and asked nikki what the hell she was thinking. They let me out and I told her that nikki didn’t want me as her sister anymore. She told her that its not her choice and that she had to live with that.

I had a friend that lived in the house next door, she was darker than I was. Before her and I became friends she would play outside with her family, when she seen me outside she would stop and just watch me. I grew uncomfortable so I went inside, I told my mother and over the time she got to know the little girls family, they were really nice. The little girl and I became friends, she would spend the night over at my house, we would play with my toys. We were friends for a few years, but not all friendships last forever.

My mother began bringing me over to my aunt Robayn's house again, that was the place I felt the safest. Her and my uncle George had three dogs. Duffis, Chelsie, and buddy, they also had two cats, killy, and two tone, Two tone was Nikki’s cat. Duffis and Chelsie had puppies, these two creatures were part wolf. They were so big, furry, and fluffy. I loved them. I got to take home one of their pups. I was so happy that I had a dog of my own. Till one day my mother yelled at me because I didn’t know how to potty train the puppy. She gave my dog away to someone, I was heart broken. We still had our cats. Gizmo slept with me every night. Monk would hide in the closet, and the other two were always in the living room. Monk got to an old age where he passed away. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. Monk was Nikki’s cat, he was an orange long haired tiger cat. One night he was meowing, all around the house, he finally made it into our room. So we turned on the light and he was just laying on his side meowing like he was in pain. Nikki and I began crying, our mother came into the room and asked us what was going on, we told her he's in pain. She then told us that when animals and people get old the pass away. We were heart broken, we watched him as he breathed his last breath. We held him and told him we loved him. That was the first time I ever watched a death. A few months later Nikki got a new kitten named skittles, this little grey kitten was insane. She would climb up the door frame then jump down and run throughout the house. Not too long after something happened and our mother put her hands on Nikki. Once our mother was done Nikki came in the room crying. I hugged her and asked her what happened and she told me she didn’t know. Once our mother went to bed Nikki and I stayed up playing, she suddenly stopped and I asked her what was wrong and she said she wishes that she wasn’t here anymore and wanted to live a different life. I asked her what if we both lived a different life together and we were twins, she laughed. That night her and I made a promise that no matter what we would never be like the woman that gave birth to us. Child protective services were called several times, but she lied about what she was doing to us. Nikki left to go live with her dad again, she told him and his new girlfriend pearl of what was going on. They managed to get Laurie to watch Nikki’s brother Jordan. On occasion they would have me sleep over at their place in Fairport. On other occasions I would go to Nikki’s cousins house in Byron for sleep overs, parties, get togethers. But I would have to go back to that house that was supposed to be my home. The abuse at home got so bad that when I got child services involved and they wouldn’t do anything. There was a few times where I would go to Byron and I would tell Nikki’s family what was going on. Aunt Maryellen and uncle Allen and their son Scott and his wife Tonya would sit me in a bedroom because I was crying after a phone call from my mother. I told them about what she said, that if I told them of what was going on at home that she would drive all the way back to their house and beat my ass once I got home. Once they knew that things at home were not safe for me they did everything in their power to try to find a way to get me out, It took years. When I went home laurie would ask me questions to drag out if I said anything, but I lied and told her no. I couldn’t tell her that everyone in that house knew that she was a monster on the inside and out. It hurt being in my families home crying and telling them I didn’t want to go home, that all she would do is hurt me. Yet again I had to go back to my cage, where I was locked away and wasn’t aloud out till she said we were going out.

Being here in this house I realized that this place was not a home. My mother would yell at me. I would move my bowl of food closer and she would think I spilled some on the table and hide it under the table, so she would hit me. She would accuse Nikki and I of stealing her things when she missed placed them so she would beat us. I began to visit my grandmother, and every time she seen me she seen that I was no longer the happy child she knew. She began to ask questions, and over time I began to tell her of what was going on at home. She called C.P.S. several times to try and get me out. I was at her house almost every weekend. Being there I felt a little better. I had my own room, my own toys, she took me out to Chinese, made me dresses that made me feel like a princess. Every time I was there I told her that I didn’t want matt around, and that I didn’t feel safe. It took me years to tell her what he did because I was so scared. Once my mother realized that my grandmother was the one calling C.P.S. on her, she stopped letting me over there. My mother began to do supervised visits with matt, and counseling for young kids. My visits with matt were ok, he would get me gifts and we played gamed. I remember that one year I asked him for a doll house, and a life size barbie doll so I could wear the clothes. And for Christmas he did. For my birthday he got me a Scooby doo purple heart pillow that had a door bell attached to it. I got rid of the door bell and kept the pillow. At counseling we had snack time and did arts and crafts. My counselor would show up to my school once a week to see how things were going at home. She made me feel safe, I was able to tell her of what was going on so her and I created a plan one day that if I were to run away where would I go. I told her of the plan that Nikki and I made before she left. That if I could run away that I would find Nikki. I knew where I needed to go, I didn’t need to know street signs, I knew the path because we have taken it several times when our mother would drop Nikki off at her dads. That was the last time I seen my counselor. Aunt Robayn would come over for holidays, on Christmas she would bring gifts over, Halloween she would carve pumpkins with us. It felt so nice to see a comforting face, before she would leave she would give us hugs, fishy kisses, and nose kisses.

We seen aunt Robayn and uncle George more often. Uncle George had a daughter named Brittney. Nikki and her were close, every time I tried to play with them they didn’t want me around. Being neglected by my own sister lead to me staying to myself. Till one day I made two friends named Brandon Lester, later on in life I began to hate him because he wouldn’t leave me alone, and also his cousin. His cousin was my friend for years, he was my best friend for the longest time. I visited over at aunt Robayn's one day, as I walked into the house I seen Brandon, his dad, and a red headed boy. I had met Brandon when we were little. As I walked through the living room, I ignored the fact that Brandon was trying to get my attention to say hi. I went from the living room, to the kitchen to the back door to go outside. I didn’t care, he bothered me, he was annoying every time he tried to pester me. I went to the old swing set that had still remained in the back yard and sat on one of the swings. A few minutes later Brandon and his cousin came out. I got up and began walking on the path to the wooded area that Brittney made her secret hide out. A while ago she told me that I could go there any time I wanted, so in this case thinking that I could get away I did. Not to far back I had two followers, I minded my own business thinking that they were going to go somewhere else. They didn’t, they came up to me and asked me what I was doing. I didn’t answer. I got up and walked to my little area near the berry tree. There was a wooden barrel that I used as a table and stones that I used as seats. Brandon went into the house, and his cousin came up to me and introduced me. He told me that he was Brandon's cousin Tyler, I told him my name was crystal. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I just wanted to be alone and that every time Brandon is around he's always bothering me. He laughed and told me that is Brandon, and that he thinks Brandon liked me. I told him I know and that I hated him, Tyler laughed, and apologized to me about them following me. I explained to Tyler that I didn’t need to apologize, that he's not the one who bothered me. We then went by the swings, I sat down and swung. I felt safe around him, he wasn’t like Brandon pushing my buttons. He just talked, he was patient with getting to know me. In a sense it felt like he could see the pain in my eyes, and could see how broken I was. Brandon came back out after the few minutes and seen that Tyler and I were talking, he came over and began falling into the dirt, sliding under the swing to see if I would kick him. Tyler looked at me and said that he's showing off, I replied telling him that I know. Brandon continued to repeat this act and said he wasn’t showing off. Even though we all knew he was. I went home later that night and yet once again my mother had an issue and took her anger out on me. The next day she asked me to bring the recycling bins in, I went out and grabbed them, but something wasn’t right. Our upstairs neighbors black truck was in the drive way, but there was something there that wasn’t supposed to be there. I looked and I. seen a man under mikes truck, once I seen him I ran back in the house with the recycling bins in my hands. I herd him call my name, and telling me to come back and that everything was ok and that it was just him. My mother asked me what was going on and I told her about the man under the truck. She then grabbed a knife that was under her mattress in her room and went on the porch, she had seen that it was matt. She realized right then and there that he had found us, she told him that if he didn’t leave she would call the cops. He told her that he just wanted to talk. About a week later he was in the house, she gave him another chance. They fought as usual, it got to the point where she tried to lock him out but he would break in. one night he managed to break in, I was asleep at the time, but I woke up to yelling and screaming. My mother yelled for me to come out. As I walked out into the living room he told me to leave the room. I yelled at him and told him to, and to get his hands off my mother. He grabbed me by my wrists and threw me on the chair in the living room, yelling at me saying that I need to listen to him when he tells me to do something. I screamed at him telling him no, he got mad at his me. My mother got furious and told him to never put his hands on me again. He grabbed her and threw her into the kitchen and shoved the kitchen table at her, grabbing the phone and throwing it at her. He screamed and told him to get out before she calls the cops. He stormed to the back door and bunched it. Our neighbor herd the commotion and came down to see what was going on. Once he seen what was happening he managed to get matt out of the house. Matt yelled at my mother telling her of course your new boy toy will save you, calling her a whore. That night her and the neighbor became friends. She liked him, and one thing lead to another after a few times of them hanging out. A year later he moved, we had new neighbors upstairs. Everything was still not better, matt still stalked us, I began to sleep in my mothers room because she was crying a lot. When I seen her cry I was sad with her. Id hug her and tell her I loved her, even when I felt like her human punching bag. I had a big heart and all I could tell myself is that it will get better soon. I remember meeting my cousin Kyle and little Kevin, and their mom and dad Carla and Kevin. The first time I met them they lived in an apartment in east Rochester. My cousin Kyle and I became close, he became the brother I never had. He was another person that I felt safe talking to. He hated what his aunt was doing, his favorite aunt became is less of a favorite aunt. He would always try to come and visit us, and he also started asking my aunt Carla if I could come over for the weekend. It was another place that I could go to feel safe, but it began to stop once kyle told his mom what was going on. She told my mom and later on I got my ass whooped again. Eventually my moms other sister pam and my uncle chad and my cousins came to visit. They had a new child named Noah, he was a little child still learning. When they first got there Noah went to the cat litter box and grabbed a piece of poop and ate it thinking it was chocolate, defiantly was not chocolate. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t perfect either, I ate cat food. They stayed for about a week, kyle and little kevin would come over to see them. My mom had a party the night before they left, that night was not something that us kids expected. We were all in mine and nikkis room trying to go to sleep when all of a sudden a green light appeared on the wall. Now remind you our door was closed, and there was no window in my room. We called for the adult and my uncle chad came in the room asking what was wrong, we told him there was a light on the wall and he looked and didn’t see anything. So he turned off the light and went back out. The light was still there, we were all confused, the light would move from behind the dresser to above the tv on the dresser. We all gave up trying to figure out what it was and fell asleep.

My mother started going out a lot more leaving me home alone when I was sleeping, bringing guys home with her, and some occasions she would let our cousin heather stay over after they went out clubbing, brought guys home. I was a light sleeper, there was one night I woke up to someone carrying me to the living room so that my cousin heather could have her boy toy over. Needless to say my bed became my mothers friends sex bed. Once I realized what was going on I began to sleep under my bed. That was my room, my bed that she was letting people take over to have sex in, this happened a lot, it got so bad that I started sleeping on the chair in the living room. After awhile people stopped coming over and my mother had a boyfriend. His name was Scott. They had an on and off relationship. Him and I became close, he turned into the dad I never had. At night he would read me stories before I went to bed, he would tuck me in. he treated me as if I was his daughter. The first time they broke up, my mom told him that she didn’t love him, he asked her to marry him. She left the house and I went out to the living room to see him sitting on her bed crying. So I went to see what was wrong. He said, you know I love your mother very much don’t you? I told him yes I know, he then said that he asked her to marry him and she said no, and that because she said no that they are no longer together. I hugged him and told him that no matter what I will always see him as my dad, and that I love him. He said he loved me too, and that he knows of what was going on in the house. He then began to tell me that he wasn’t blind to it and he wishes that he could protect me from it, hearing those words come out of him made me feel that there was hope, and that it wasn’t all in my head like the child service agents said.

A few weeks later My mother and Scott got back together, we began staying nights over at his moms house where he lived. He introduced me to his niece destiny and his nephew bubby. Bubby's real name was Ramel Moore, he was my favorite person, he would make jokes, and do stupid stuff to make nikki and I laugh.

Once my mother and I left our old home we moved to a place in the city , destiny and bubby were over more for a short period of time. Nikki began to like bubby a lot more than friends. I knew, but I let her do whatever she wanted, destiny and I became close. Id stay the night over at their house some times.

I still went to 33, I was in first grade, I was passing my classes. In school we had these book projects where we had to read 25 books, if we read 25 books we got to go on a special trip. I did both of the two 25 book reports, and went on both trips. The first one I rode in a limo and went to a collage and they told the group of kids from different schools about what to look forward in life. The second time I rode in a limo again and went to another collage. My mother was so proud of me, it felt good for a change that I had done something good once again, but I hated asking she for advice on homework. That was the one thing I learned over time not to do. She would get so mad at me if I asked her to help me figure out a question and rip it into tiny pieces. There have been many times where I had to lie about what happened to my homework because she got mad calling me stupid and pathetic, then ripped my homework, id tell my teachers I lost it, or I never got one. I began to fail my grades.

In the new house my mother and Scott didn’t stay together for long. We got rid of gizmo because she attacked me one morning, I almost had to get stitches. My mother began dating a new guy named Aaron. Aaron was a bald headed guy, he lived in a complex with his roommate named Mitchel. We would stay at his apartment a lot. I slept in the living room, either on the couch or on the floor. I didn’t like being there because every time we were there, all I could hear was them having sex. So being scared by the constant noise id watch the fish in the fish tank, or look at the pictures of the creatures on the wall. This would happen for months on end. I never slept, I was terrified to get up. One of Aarons friends use to invite me over to play with his kids but I would just sit there on the floor. They once brought me down to their basement to see their kittens. They had a lot of kittens in their basement, they told me that if my mom would allow me to I could have one. There was a kitten that I liked, she was the only one who let me pick her up, she was an all black kitten, my mother came to get me and she seen I had a kitten in my arms, I asked her if I could keep it. She told me no, but once I started crying because I was already attached she said ok. My mothers boyfriend had gotten two kittens that were brother and sister. He didn’t like them very well so he told my mother that he was throwing them in the garbage. She was not happy. We drove to his apartment and she began looking in the dumpster. She herd meowing, she found them tied up in a bag. She opened the bag to give them air and called the cops, the cops came and she told them what had happened, they told her that the choice was hers either she could give them a home or bring them somewhere else. We ended up bringing them home, she named them thumper and chedda. They ended up having kittens a few weeks later, there was a little fat orange one I named him Garfield. He even looked like him as well. We ended up bringing chedda and her babies to Lolli pop farm. We still had thumper, my mother couldn’t give him up. She got back with Aaron a few weeks later, they fought all the time. Most of the time I went to one of my friends house that I some how met in school. To be honest I don’t remember much of our friendship but I remember that she had an issue with wetting herself, and there was a time where my mom brought us to the park and she started crying because she went down the slide and peed herself, so I gave her my sweatshirt. On the way home my mother smelled something that smelt like poop and yelled at me telling me I needed to wipe my ass when I get home because I smelt like shit. So when we got home I acted like it was me and cleaned myself up. I came back downstairs and my mother said she still smells shit. Once my friend went to go use the bathroom I explained to my mother what had happened. She ended up bringing my friend home. On the way back home she told me she didn’t want her to come back so I told her ok. One morning I woke up Aaron was in the bathroom so I waited to use the bathroom, once he came out I herd meowing. I had no idea where it was coming from so I called for my mother, come to find out this piece of shit put thumper in between the screen and the glass of the bathroom. My mother kicked I'm out after that. After that relationship, my mother began getting aggravated with me, she began to tell me I was ugly, and that I needed to wear make up. She started doing it a lot more as a grew up. So every morning before I went to school id put the mascara on that she had given me. Every day, till she didn’t like that my hair wasn’t up, so in the morning before school id put my long brown curly hair up in a pony tale. It just felt like one thing after another wasn’t perfect to where she wanted it.

Aunt Robayn's mom and dad would come to see us all the time, they would take us to turning stone casino, it was so pretty there. I loved swimming, and eating at the buffets. We would stay at one of the inns not to far away. Once nana took nikki and I, I ended up falling asleep. I had a bad dream that nikki and I got into a fight at our aunt Carla's new house in east Rochester, nikki and I were playing out side and she shoved me to the ground, so I chased her. She ran into the house, and closed the screen door, she wouldn’t let me in so I yelled at her telling her I hated her. Well little did I know why nikki as upset with me the next day she thought I really hated her. It got to the point were nikki would sleep in my room with me. It stopped after our papa died in 2001, that was the worst morning. The day before, we seen nana and papa, they were supposed to come over for sauce and meatballs, the following day. Nikki and I had been up all night we didn’t go to bed till about four in the morning, we got woken up by the phone ringing around six in the morning and to our mother telling us to wake our lazy asses up. Nikki and I got up and we all left to go to nana and papas house, nikki and I were at a loss of what was going on. Once we pulled up to their house we seen cop cars in the driveway. Nikki and I were confused, until we went into the house and herd nana talking to the cops. We couldn’t believe it at first, until I looked over to see papas chair. I didn’t expect it but I looked at nikki and she looked at me, I pointed to papas chair crying and nikki began crying. Sitting there in his chair was the spirit of our papa, his body was upstairs laying pale and ice cold. He was sitting like he usually did in his chair, sitting back with his hands resting on his leg with his watch on his wrist, the only difference was his face was covered by the blanked that laid on the back of his chair. Nikki and I couldn’t believe what we has just seen, we ran out of the house crying, we finally knew that it was true. He was never coming back and that the plans for that day was not going to happen.

In 2006 aunt Robayn and uncle George got married, that was a good year for as it started. Their wedding was at the fire hall in Byron, aunt Robayn looked beautiful. She made me her flower girl. I was so thrilled, that was the first time I had ever been in a wedding. The only thing I didn’t like about it was that aunt Robayn made me walk down the isle with my cousin Cody. Cody was the type of kid that looked younger than he really was, dumb ass. He was also my uncle john's son, He was nice though, him and I never really talked. But at the wedding we had to dance together, we bother murmured to one another how much we didn’t want to be in that situation. My aunt and uncle have pictures of it, it was funny.

Lather that night nikki, Brittney, Cody and I went back our home in the city, nana was there watching us. We all slept on the living room floor while nana slept in the recliner. We stayed up telling jokes, and also laughing at nana when she would fart in her sleep. Worst of all at one point I had to let one go, I held it in till it slipped out. It was so loud and long, I thought it would never end, once it was finally over one of them asked who that was and we all started laughing. I didn’t tell them it was me, but it was pretty bad, I laughed so hard I started crying. Nana woke up from us laughing and asked what was going on and we quickly said nothing, she then fell back asleep and we giggled some more. However that night from what I was told, my mother enjoyed herself a little too much.. From what I was told, she got so drunk that she tried taking her clothes off. She is the type of person that should not, SHOULD NOT, ever get drunk. She has hidden sides to her that I never want to witness ever again.

I began to ride the bus to school, my bus driver was the first person I actually liked bringing me to school. She was African American, she always use to bring us after school to get freeze pops from one of the corner stores. She always use to talk about how she loves moving rims on cars and how she always wanted a car with them on it. I met two new friends on my bus, there was a Porto Rican girl named princess. She was pretty, I loved going over to her families home to hang out. There was another girl, I believe her name was Kailey. I went over to her house a few times but her family ate butter noodles all the time, and she threw a fit if she didn’t get her way. When I stopped talking to Kailey I was in second grade, there was something weird that had happened to me a few months that I don’t understand. I was walking down a hallway to get to one of my classes and a woman stopped me, she asked me if I knew Kailey and I told her yea why? The woman was not someone who id ever seen before, she told he that Kailey's parents had gotten contacted by someone trying to fine info about me. I was so confused, still to this day I have no clue why or what that person was up to. It began to make me afraid of people, to trust others, to make friends and go anywhere. I never told my mother about it. During that time my mother did tell me that things around us were not ok, I already had known that. Where we lived had 12 sex offenders living all around us, my grandmother was trying to find out where we were, and our house was getting broken into because of her ex Arron due to him selling drugs. A little bit down the road my mother had sat Nikki and I down to talk to us about what matt had done to us. I believe this was around the time she was taking him to court. Nikki opened up to her about what he did to her, my mother looked at me and asked me if he did anything to me. At that point in time I was terrified to tell her about what happened in Kentucky, but I did tell her about when she left to bring her friend home that one night and he tried to do something. At first she believed me, but over time she became angrier than usual and started telling me I looked like my father and that he would never touch me. I began to bottle my emotions inside and hid everything that I wanted to say. It didn’t get any better, my mother would have me pick out my outfits for school, if she didn’t like it she would yell at me to go pick something different, there were several times where id have to go back and forth till she chose one for me to hear. It got to the point where id start bringing several different outfits down to show her. For her, it worked, I stopped getting yelled at for my outfits. But one thing would lead to another, there was times where I would be getting dressed or cleaning my room and she didn’t like that it wasn’t fast enough so she would come up to my room and start screaming at me. There were several times where she did this when people were over. I hated how she made me feel, she would do it to Nikki often, there was times where she would put her hands on Nikki in Nikki’s room when she slammed the door closed while I was in my room and I could hear Nikki crying and yelling at her to get her hands off of her, there was times where I herd Nikki tell her she hated her. Our mother would leave her room slamming the door, I could hear Nikki crying. When she would go down stairs id go to Nikki’s door and tap on her door calling for her quietly, she would yell at me to tell me to go away. Some times I would give her space but other times I would ignore her telling me to go and walk into her room. Id see her face pressed into her pillow or blanket sobbing away, all I could do is hug her and tell her I love her and that I was sorry that we were here. A few times our mother caught me comforting Nikki and yell at me telling me to get out, so I did closing her door. Id get yelled at and slapped for it, I didn’t care, I was watching the one person that I looked up to and wanted to be like get hurt, and I would do anything to be there for her, Shes the only sister I had. Because of my sister, when our mother would start to beat me I began to yell at her telling her not to touch me, or that she was hurting me, it never got her to stop, she would tell me she didn’t fucking care and continued to choke me, punch, and hit me. Most times people were there when I would yell back at her telling her to stop, and that she was hurting me, but no one would stop her. Every night I would cry my self to sleep, wondering why she would do this to us, what did we do to deserve this life, and wished that we could just get out. After that I stopped having friends, I stopped going to new friends houses. I couldn’t, every time id go somewhere she would call me before I went to bed and tell me if I say anything about her beating me that she would kick my ass, I was terrified. If I didn’t call her before I went to bed she would still beat me. Growing up I didn’t talk, people called me shy, but deep down I couldn’t, my mother thought me that I didn’t have a voice ever, but she would still beat me if she yell at me to talk because it was to quiet, so I began to talk about stupid things about the weather, how its cloudy and it would be raining, or what the cats did. I didn’t know what to say, she would ask me what was wrong and I couldn’t just tell her that I was afraid of her. That she was the worst person that I could even imagine, or she was worse than the man that destroyed me and lost the trust of everyone I knew. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough like my sister was to tell her that I hated her.