The Beauty Pods

TW: Body dysmorphia, eating disorder, depression

Amber yawned as she brushed her long, ginger hair. Standing in front of her bedroom mirror, she studied her face, counting the freckles and the bags forming under her eyes. If only there was a way for those pods to help her get some sleep. At sixteen-years-old she was finally able to use one for her birthday, and she chose her eyes. Green eyes were great and all, but blue eyes were really in, and she wanted to catch the eye of a certain boy. She had the biggest crush on the guy that placed umpire for the high school baseball team. Kyle was his name. He already noticed her for her naturally red hair, but she had to compete with Lauren, a small, outgoing African American girl on the swim team. Amber didn't play sports; instead, she was an alto in the treble choir. Not the most glamorous or attention catching, but she didn't have many talents. Well, she had a knack for making the perfect friendship bracelet, but that wasn't anything close to special.

“Breakfast!” Amber heard her mother call from down the hall. She quickly clipped her bangs out of her face and nearly tripped over the family dog as she turned to go to the kitchen. It smelled amazing and she could tell right away that she had chocolate chip pancakes waiting for her. She sat with her little sister at the small dining room table and poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Coffee will stunt your growth, you know,” her little sister cut her stack of pancakes with a fork and a knife, eying Amber and her new irises.

“There are Beauty Pods, Kim,” Amber stirred a couple spoonfuls of sugar into her coffee, “I'm not worried.” She piled on a few pancakes and drowned them in maple syrup. Her and Kim were totally different. The only thing between them that held any ounce of similarity was their red hair. Kim, already twelve-years-old, was only now beginning to have freckles appear on her face. She kept her hair much shorter than Amber's, always in a chin-length bob. She was popular among her peers, being both smart in math and a part of the track team. She took after their mother, who had worked at a large insurance company for the past couple of decades. Amber remembered listening to her mother tell stories about when genetic manipulation first started becoming popular. She was born a stumpy girl with frizzy brown hair, and when she was in her mid-twenties, she decided to give it a try. That's when she became the tall and slender ginger she was today. She never stepped foot into a pod after that, finally being happy with what she saw in the mirror.

“I'm glad that you're happy with your eyes, Am, but don't get carried away.” Her mother joined them at the table and sipped at her own cup of coffee. “After modifying my height, I had to change my diet.”

“Really? Why?”

“The way my doctor put it was that my insides were stretched enough that I couldn't digest certain foods anymore. I haven't eaten sugar in nearly twenty years because of it.” She adjusted her shirt around a device attached to her chest, over her heart. Amber watched as a small tube attached to what she always assumed was a bracelet, tugged on her mother's forearm.

“No sugar at all? Not even in your coffee?” Their mother shook her head, to which Amber responded by wrinkling her nose. She heard the school bus honking outside and shot back the last of her drink and grabbed a pancake for the road before grabbing her bag and racing Kim out the door.

“Meet you at the flagpole after school,” Kim called as she ran inside. The weather was just starting to get warm again, after a dry but freezing winter. All the dryness was melting away, leaving rain. Amber held her backpack over her head as she ran toward a different entrance. Right away she noticed her locker neighbor's hair had grown several inches from the previous week.

“Gale, I love your hair!” Amber grinned as she opened her locker. Gale, a tall and timid girl in a few of her classes, wore glasses that rested on the tip of her nose and normally dressed in various overalls.

“Thank you,” Gale glanced over at her, and had to do a double take. “Your eyes are blue.”

“Yup!” Amber placed her hands under her chin and fluttered her lashes.

“It's different. But I like it.”

Amber beamed. Attention already? She couldn't wait to see Kyle later in the day. Should she have done more to her hair? Maybe pulled it up into a bun? Buns were still in, right?

She grabbed her books for the first half of the day and wandered into her homeroom class. She pulled out her small art project that she still had to make a few additions to. The assignment was a scrapbook or collage type thing. She decided to base hers off fashion and had cut out a bunch of pictures of tight fitting dresses and butt hugging jeans. All these girls had perfect bodies and big lips and clear, almost plastic skin. Lauren was short but her body shape was close to the models’. Is that what Kyle really liked? The Beauty Pods were expensive...but her mother made good money. Maybe she could borrow some to improve herself?

As the day went on, she continued to be noticed for her blue eyes. It made Amber incredibly happy; her naturally dark green eyes were always overlooked. Not these bright blue eyes. She kept looking around the halls in between classes, and around the room every few minutes while in class. She wanted as many people as possible to see her new eyes.

And it worked.

When teachers scolded her for not paying attention to the lessons, even they complimented the change. And then, finally, it was lunch period. She rushed into the cafeteria and pulled out the turkey sandwich that her mother had packed for her. She had snuck out a bag of Funions as well.

As she chewed her food, she glanced around the room, watching for Kyle. He was normally a little late, having gym class before lunch. When she saw him, she quickly smiled and wiped the crumbs off her face. She waved her arm to get his attention. “Kyle!” she called. It was loud, so it took a couple calls for him to hear her. His black fauxhawk was extra curly today, and when he smiled it was impossible to not notice his dimples. He made his way over to her table and just stood next to her chair and greeted her. “How was gym class?” Amber blinked a couple times.

“Great. Had to take one of those stupid fitness exams.”

“I bet you killed it.”

“I guess,” Kyle shrugged and glanced over to his regular table, where Lauren and some other sportsy people sat.

“Do you notice anything different about me?” She blinked again.

“Hm?” He looked at her and studied her for a short moment. He turned his head as if to shake it, but he noticed her profuse blinking. “Your eyes...?”

“Yes! Do you like the blue?”

“Yeah, they're nice,” he gave another smile and said a, “See you later, Amber,” before joining his friends.

Amber's heart fluttered. Kyle liked her eyes! She knew he would. Lauren didn't have blue eyes...but she did have that cute body. She looked down at her half-eaten sandwich and put it down. She offered her Funions to a classmate that sat with her.

“How was school, girls?” Amber's mother set down her car keys and purse on the kitchen counter. She had stayed longer at work today. Amber and Kim were at the dining room table doing homework with the television on for background noise. After her sister complained about history class and talked about how her friend's cousin had gotten his first job, Amber was quick to brag about all the attention she received.

“I got so many compliments! Even the teachers like that my eyes are blue now.”

“That's great, honey,” her mother smiled and poured herself a cup of reheat coffee to toss into the microwave. “How's that art project coming?”

“Almost done! It's not due for another couple of days so I'm good to go.”

“Good.” Their mother joined them at the table and sipped her coffee.

Kim went into Amber's backpack and pulled out the art project. She made a face as she looked it over. “Why'd you choose fashion? All these clothes are gross. And the girls look sick.”

Amber snatched it out of her sister's hand. “I don't care that you don't like it. I do.”

“I bet they can't even run a mile.”

“So what?” Amber stuck the project back into her bag and gathered her homework. “I'm doing the rest of my homework in my room. Away from Little Miss Perfect over here.”

She made it down the hall and closed her bedroom door behind her before letting out a long sigh. Truthfully, she wasn't planning on finishing her homework- what she really wanted to do was to do some 'research' on the best looks. If she was pretty, that's all that mattered. She didn't need to be smart and athletic like her little sister. She could gain popularity and attention other ways, today was proof of that. She stood in front of her mirror and undressed, and studied herself, making notes of what wasn't pretty. She grabbed her small love handles and lifted her round chin. She liked her nose, but was it a good nose? What about her freckles? She liked those, but were they considered pretty? Her earlobes weren't perfect.

Looking so deeply at herself made her feel…dejected. No wonder Kyle was going for Lauren. She was small and cute and athletic, and had perfect teeth, and perfect hair, and slender fingers...She sat on her bed and hugged her knees to her. If she didn't change herself, she wouldn't have a chance, with Kyle or anything at all. Her mother changed just about everything about herself and afterward she found a man and became successful in a career. So that's what Amber needed to do.

Instead of doing her work in class, she would, what she thought to be in incognito, flip through pages of magazines and scroll through Instagram and Tumblr. What she saw to be the most popular look, the most fashionable and most beautiful, she'd write down and then she'd research how much the Beauty Pod would cost. Her eyes were expensive enough, so the body type and height alone would be even more. Larger part of the body, she figured. She decided that on Saturday morning while her mother slept in, she would sneak some money from the savings and go to the Beauty Pods. She'd walk if she couldn't get a ride either on a bus or from a friend.

At lunch period, Amber sat in her usual seat and conversed with her friends as she watched for Kyle to walk in. She started to get anxious when she didn't see him halfway through. “Do you guys know if Kyle is here today?” She didn't look away from the door, her foot tapping.

“He's at his table, Am,” a friend said with her mouth full of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“Wait what?” Amber turned her head fast enough to get whiplash. When she saw him, she relaxed a little, but her heart dropped. She didn't get to talk to him today. When they finally made eye contact, Kyle quickly turned his attention to something else. That didn't feel good to Amber. Was her hair messy? Did she have food on her face? It was her nose, wasn't it?

The rest of the day went by slowly. Amber couldn't concentrate, she didn't feel like socializing, she didn't even continue to look through her magazines. She just wanted it to be Saturday...but it was still only Wednesday. She didn't think she could last another two days. The more she thought about it, the more she hated how she looked, how she walked, how her voice sounded...no wonder Kyle didn't want to look at her or sit with her. She was disgusting.

When the school bus dropped off Amber and Kim, they raced each other up the driveway. “First one in gets the shower first!” Kim taunted as she took the lead.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, Amber didn't lag on purpose. Her mental state slowed her down and she had started bringing less food to school and eating less at home. Kim swung open the front door and gave a teasing “ha-ha!” before running down the hallway and into the bathroom. When Amber walked in and closed the door behind her, she did a lap around the house to check for her mother. She called out to make sure, and when she was answered with only the running water from the shower, she made her move.

The first thing she saw when she walked into her mother's room was a portrait above the bed: her mother and father at their wedding. Her mother looked beautiful, like she had barely aged at all. Her father was tall and fit, and pasty like Amber was. She didn't remember too much of him. When her mother was pregnant with Kim, and Amber was three years old, there was a shooting at the college he taught at. He was heroic, the way her mother told it. He was a Humanities Professor and the classroom was close to the entrance, so his classroom was one of the first hit. He protected his students, even put up a fight. Sometimes she wished she couldn't hear her mother crying.

Amber went into the walk-in closet and found the collection of jars on a high shelf. She had to drag in a chair from the dining room table to reach them. She pulled one jar off the shelf and stepped down from the chair. It was all cash, no coins. Her mother hated keeping change in the house.

She quickly took the jar into her room and hid it under her bed and behind the draped blankets, and rushed to put the chair back at the table before Kim was done in the bathroom. She didn't hear the water anymore, and her heart was racing. She decided to just sit as soon as she put the chair down. Perfect timing, because as soon as her bottom hit the seat, the bathroom door swung open. Luckily for her, Kim had no interest in paying attention to her weird and boring older sister.

Amber flipped on the television, which was normally automatically tuned to the news station. “Beauty Pods have done it again!” The perfect lady anchor announced, “Our two top stories: a woman who was born infertile will now be a mother, and a man who completely changed his ethnicity to become a super model.”

“Wow, Cameron,” the co-anchor chimed in, “You know, when these pods became popular twenty years ago, you couldn't even change your height without some hefty health risks. Now look at what people can do!”

“That's very true, Jeff, but there are still risks involved. The now super model told us he needs a feeding tube for most of his nutrition because he changed his body so drastically.”

By the end of the week, the changes in Amber were impossible to hide from her mother, no matter how much she avoided her. Her nose was smaller, she was a few inches taller, her freckles were gone, and she had completely changed her body shape. She had even changed her eye shape so that her now blue eyes were large and doll-like. At this rate, she really was a doll. She tried to eat when her mother wasn't around or was sleeping at night. Of course, due to her new height and body, she couldn't keep much down. Nearly everything aside her coffee made her sick. She started leaving for school before her mother had a chance to wake up and make it into the kitchen. She walked to school, nearly an hour walk for her, to avoid her sister as well. When in class, no one recognized her until she answered for attendance. Her voice still sounded the same, though, for now.

When it came time for lunch period, she took her time, not wanting to beat Kyle to the cafeteria. She wanted to surprise him, show Lauren how much prettier she was than her. Everyone would be impressed, and Kyle would ask her out, taken by her new beauty.

Amber walked from her locker to the lunch room, and saw Kyle sitting with his usual group. She walked through the door and stood there, watching him for a short moment. She was nervous, her legs already shaking. She took in a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and walked up to the table. She placed a hand on Kyle's shoulder, and he turned to see who it is.

“Hi?”

“Hi, Kyle,” Amber smiled, “How was your weekend?”

“It was good...? Do I know you?”

“Of course you do, silly! Don't tell me you don't at least recognize my red hair.”

“Woah,” Kyle turned his seat now, taken aback, “Amber? What happened to you?”

“Do you like it?” Amber did a small spin for him. She then held onto the back of Kyle’s chair to steady herself, the twirl making her dizzy.

Kyle looked around at his friends and furrowed his brows. When he looked back up at Amber, his face was twisted into a mix of concern and disgust. “No, I don't.”

Amber's smile faded, and her stomach rose into her throat. “W...What?”

“Look, Amber, I know you have a crush on me- you made that obvious. But this is way too much. You need help.”

“But...I changed for you,” her eyes filled with tears, her lip quivered, and her cheeks were beat red. “Why don't you like how I look now? You didn't like how I looked before, so why?”

“Amber, I just don't like you that way. You're a nice girl and all, but...”

She just shook her head in disbelief, and the room began to spin. She stepped back and felt her knees buckle under her. The last thing she heard was a distortion of surprised voices.

“Did you know about his??”

“Mom, I swear I had no idea! She's been hiding out in her room and avoiding me.”

“God...I told her not to get carried away...” Amber heard the end of the conversation and sobbing from her mother as she crept back into consciousness. Then the beeping of a cardiac monitor entered her focus and then the thin, flat sheets of a hospital bed. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she looked around the small, white hospital room, before they landed on her sister and mother. Guilt washed over her. When she remembered what happened last, with Kyle, she, too, began to sob. The sound got her family's attention. “Amber!” Her mother leaned over and held her daughter's hand.

“Mom...I'm sorry...” Amber sobbed, her heart aching. “I wanted him to like me. I wasn't good enough, and I'm still not good enough!”

“Sshh,” her mother stroked her red hair, which had begun to fall out. “I'm here, baby.”

Kim sat on the edge of the bed and sniffled, “You're so stupid, Amber.”

There was a knock on the door before a doctor walked in. Even he looked perfect.

Amber didn't want to listen, she just turned her head and looked out of the window, keeping her crying soft. She knew what she did was wrong, and that she had destroyed herself. Kyle didn't care, he didn't want her to begin with. She really was an idiot.

When the doctor left, she still wouldn't look at her mother or Kim. “Amber, sweetheart,” her mother went back to stroking her hair, “the doctor said it will be a long road to recovery, but you'll be fine.”

“Do I want to be fine?” Amber whispered to herself under her breath. She supposed she would try, just for them.