The Basis of My Life

The Golden Rule

The golden rule seems like it is a good place since it is basically the underlying principle of my life. Another saying I have always liked that goes hand in hand with this is, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.

Both of these saying have heavily influenced me and the way I interact with others. I will admit right up front, I am not the best at always living up to this standard. No matter how much I wish I was a nice caring person, its hard for me sometimes. Sometimes I don’t think things through all the way.

I don’t really care too much about politeness and manners personally. When someone says or does something to me that others would consider rude I usually don’t mind or don’t even notice. This is good because I don’t get upset at every little offense that comes my way. The down side to this level of aloofness is the fact that I am sometimes insensitive to others feelings or emotions.

This is not intentional and I am not trying to hurt anyone but the damage is done none the less. The easy excuse is to just say sorry I didn’t realize my mistake. However it gets to a point where I do need to take responsibility for my actions. There is a balance between saying and doing what we want yet doing it with respect and empathy.

That is what the golden rule really boils down to, having empathy for others and treating them with respect.

Empathy is something interesting to me. I think I am a naturally empathetic person, I am always thinking about other peoples perspectives and trying to put myself in their shoes. I have come to realize empathy isn’t that common for other people, or maybe they choose to ignore it. However empathy is good not only for helping us understand and relate to one another, it allows us to think of problems in different ways by finding solutions that will benefit all parties involved rather than the privileged minority.

If we look at nature there are endless examples of entire eco systems built by plants and animals living together in a harmonious equilibrium. As long as no outside forces disturb it the ecosystem will continue to regulate itself because every species is doing what it needs to survive, and they all work together to support all of life.

Another area to consider that I think falls under the golden rule is the way we communicate with others particularly when It comes to disagreements and arguments. One of the principles I remember most from the book, How To Will Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnage, is it takes two people to have an argument. If two people are yelling at each other it is an argument, if only one person is yelling and the other isn’t that’s just one guy yelling.

With this idea in mind I approach every confrontation with the mindset that we are only going to argue if I feel like arguing. It is entirely up to me how I react and handle this situation. This is partly because, as stated before, I try to treat everyone I meet with empathy and respect. The other reason is, I refuse to allow another person to have control over me.

If I let the things people say and do get to me, I will always be happy or sad depending on how other people are treating me. We are in control of our thoughts and words, unless we allow other peoples thoughts and words to have command over us. The way we act and treat people reflects who we are as a person.

Which leads us to self awareness.

Self Awareness

Self awareness is important because it allows us to understand ourselves better, and allows us to see ourselves in the context of our environment. At the very base, self awareness comes down to honesty. Being honest with ourselves about our abilities as well as our shortcomings.

Understanding we are good at some things and not at others doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try anything new or shouldn’t try to improve at something, rather it just means being honest with ourselves about what our strengths and weakness are so we can find ways to improve our lives through either working to develop a new skill or removing something from our lives.

There are times when people are afraid to stop doing something because they feel like they are just quitting and giving up. I had this experience happen when I decided to quit my job at a restaurant and leave the service industry all together. Working in restaurants is all I’ve done for the last 16 years, I have grown and learned a lot in that time and my skills as a cook have improved tremendously. When I decided I had enough and was going to leave the industry for good I did have some hesitations about whether or not I was doing the right thing.

Am I taking the easy way out by quitting?

Should I stay and fight?

Ultimately I decided that I was ready to move on because there were other things I wanted to do in life that I couldn’t do from inside a kitchen. Although I don’t have any real skills besides cooking, I feel like I’ve got to do something more with my life.

That makes me think of something else I have been focusing on lately, listening to my intuition. I believe we all have an intuition that is there to help and guide us in decision making. Most of the time we overlook this feeling, or choose to ignore it, but our intuition is usually right.

This is hard for some people to accept because it requires use to listen to that voice in our head instead of doing what we want. Those feelings of knowing what the right thing to do are always with us. The more we think about it and focus on it while making decisions, the more in tune we become with this intuition, and the easier and more impactful it becomes.