“That’s Just the Way He/She Is” Should Not Be an Excuse for Toxic Behavior.

We are surrounded by all kinds of different personalities in our lives. Some people's behavior is overtly unacceptable and we know to stay away from them. While others display unhealthy personality traits that we accept by explaining away without realizing the negative impact they are having on our own mental health.

Here are three examples from my own life of people whose behavior I used to explain away:

A supposed "best friend" known for chasing after everyone else's love interest/boyfriend/husband. She was fun to hang out with, but I also knew I had to keep an eye on her around men because she would throw herself at anyone for attention. She was always overly affectionate and flirtations right in front of us and would sneak behind our backs, too. I usually just tried to laugh it off and roll my eyes.

"She's untrustworthy but she's my best friend. That's just the way she is."

My older sister, who was known to be obsessive, jealous, and manipulative. She treated everyone like the dirt beneath her shoes and then played the victim whenever she was called out on her poor behavior. I always defended her and had to clean up the manipulative messes she left in her wake.

"She's a spoiled brat. She always has been. That's just the way she is."

The guy I was dating, who liked to be the center of attention, often at my expense. So what if he made fun of me in front of other people? It shouldn't hurt my feelings. He didn't really mean it. He just liked to be the funniest guy in the room so I shouldn't take it personally.

"Sometimes he's mean but I love him. That's just the way he is."

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What is Toxic Behavior?

According to WebMD, toxic behavior is defined as, "anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life."

This may seem oversimplistic, however when you think about it, how true does this ring?

Have you ever stopped to assess the people in your life and how they make you feel on a daily basis?

If you were raised in a toxic environment and learned from a young age to normalize poor behavior, there's a good chance you're making excuses for other people's bad behavior when you shouldn't be.

After you've thought about this  -  are there people you might need to confront in your own life? If so, here are some ways you can deal with each of them.

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3 Ways to Deal With Toxic Behavior

1. Tell the person how their behavior makes you feel.

When you confront someone with how their behavior is impacting you, this will either open the door for meaningful conversation and lead to healthy changes in this relationship, or the person will make it clear they have no intention of listening to you or making any changes

2. Set boundaries.

If the person has been open to listening to your feelings, your next step will be to set boundaries. Be clear on the behavior you will and will not accept. If this person truly wants to remain a meaningful part of your life, they'll be open to honoring your boundaries. However if instead, they react by dismissing or pushing against your boundaries, this will be a clear sign that they are not willing to change.

3. Know when to walk away.

If the person is unwilling to acknowledge how you are feeling or honor your boundaries, it's okay to walk away. No matter what position this person has held in your life or for how long, you are never obligated to put up with behavior that is unhealthy.

Walking away can be a hard action to take, however, it is likely that you'll feel a lot lighter and more content in your life after you've cut out the toxic drama.

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For too long, I didn't understand or acknowledge how damaging these relationships were in my life. I let people treat me poorly because I didn't know any better.

But now I do. And I'm done normalizing toxic behavior.

I've since ended my friendship with the untrustworthy best friend after she was unable and unwilling to adjust her behavior around the rest of our friend group. (I also found out she slept with the guy who used to make fun of me in public when he and I were very newly dating. Shocker.)

I've since gone no contact with my older sister after finally admitting to myself how narcissistic and damaging her behavior has been my entire life.

And that guy I was dating turned my life upside down and inside out before I realized how toxic he was. However, he's also the one who opened my eyes to narcissism. I don't thank him, but I'm thankful for what I learned from my relationship with him because it helped me start cutting myself loose from all the toxicity in my life.

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My life is a lot more carefree and happy now because I finally quit making excuses for toxic behavior. I believe we all owe it to ourselves to make these changes in our lives. Don't you?