Thank You For Everything

Hey Uncle Felix,

I know it’s been a while and because of what happened between you, mom and dad I didn't get to see you when I got back to California. I was really sad when the switcheroo happened since you were the one that really talked me into coming back. In the end Mom ended up doing what I knew she was going to do. Looks like she screwed us both over, after I got back Mom didn't seem to want me there which was odd since she was the one that was trying to get me to come home originally. When I clarified to her again that I wanted to keep my daughter and not give her up like she was pushing for she dropped me off at a homeless shelter. Her and Danny said they could not enable me by letting me stay with them, despite the fact they asked me to come home, I was getting interviews despite being pregnant and I was buying my own food.

I looked for you for years and every once in a while I still try to see if you show up on facebook or something. Wish I had gotten your number when we were talking. I don't think either of us expected Mom to stab us in the back that badly. Ever since I turned 18, there are things I wanted to tell you. Even though we weren't really related, I still saw you as the dad I wish I had growing up. Danny may have been my dad when he married my mom when I was 14 but he wasn't the one that forced me to invest in myself.

I am not sure if you knew or suspected, but Mom was beating me. When she wasn't going crazy with the belt or the cord, choking me or punching me, she was abusive mentally and emotionally. That's why I was afraid of Gabbi, if Gabbi told mom I hit her or grabbed her I got it worse than usual. It didn't matter to Gabbi whether what she told Mom was true or not or what the consequences were. Between the two of them I felt so small and insignificant. I had no hope and most days I was torn between wanting to die and wanting to make it to eighteen so I could leave.

By the time you came into our lives I couldn't meet people in the eye or make a decision about the simplest thing because I thought everything was a test or a mind game and I'd get home to another beating for one reason or another. When you moved in it felt like I was your special project. You helped me with my homework, when I was failing gym you stayed after school with me and ran my laps with me till I was caught up. You didn't immediately believe the things Mom or Gabbi said about me. You asked what my side was and when I did mess up you never laid a hand on me. You treated me like I was human, you even treated me like a child which I never felt was okay. You were the first one to see Gabbi for what she really was and taught me not to hate her for it because she was just doing what she was taught.

You never let me get away with hiding. Whether we were out somewhere and you’d stop and make me look up from the ground or make us sit in a line somewhere till I made a decision about something, yes it was embarrassing but I still appreciated it because it felt like you saw me. You gave me a voice like what I had to say mattered. Everyone else just chalked it up that I was a quiet good kid, but you seemed to see that something wasn’t right. I don't know if you knew, suspected, or didn’t know what was actually going on and it doesn't matter. I know everyone had their reasons, but you seemed to have tried to minimize the damage the best you could and that was more than most had done. You talked with me and joked with me. You let me be silly and see the world in a different way and never let me feel bad or weird because of it. At times you were tough and blunt but you taught me not to care what people thought or said. You made the bullies that I had to deal with at home or at school less frightening and insignificant. You never judged me, you may tell me what I was doing was wrong or straight out stupid but there was never any judgement or degradation. You really did practice what you preached which made me respect you even more.

It broke my heart the day you left. I was losing a friend, a protector and the closest thing I had to a father figure next to my papa. and I hope that I will see you again someday so I can tell you this in person. At the very least I hope you somehow find this letter so that way you know how much you gave me and how much you saved me, whether you meant to or not and I made it out.

Yours Thankfully and Affectionately,

Chris