People say a picture is worth a thousand words... So, what does it say when that picture is a quote on your body that is worth your life?
I originally never saw myself getting tattoos. I always thought they were beautiful and amazing but also heard about how painful they could be. When I was twelve years old promised myself I would NEVER get one.
Going through life, I always struggled with my self-image. Suffering from E.D (eating disorders) all through high school, never being asked to a school dance and not having any friends for almost five years (middle school- Jr. High). I never saw myself as beautiful or pretty and always envied the "popular people" and wished I could have one chance to be them.
When I was eighteen, I was going through one the worst self-loathing moments of my life. Still not being skinny enough (though I was ALL muscle all I saw was fat) I was on the verge of becoming non-existent (literally) and was heading down a dangerous, unhealthy path. My parents tried to support me the best way they could, but for people who don't suffer from E.D it can be hard to know what to say or do.
On a day I was feeling depressed and disgusting. I see an email from my dad sitting in "unread" with the caption "This made me think of you..." I open it to read the following quote, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" (Theodor Geisel A.K.A Dr. Seuss). Immediately, I got emotional, in an empowering way.
I'm not perfect, and that quote has saved me more than once. I struggled with E.D from a young age until twenty when I decided to get help the first time. When I felt I had regained control of my life I got that tattooed on my body as a reward for fighting my battle with anorexia. I stayed symptom free for two years before hitting bumps in the road.
At twenty-three I found the love and abuse for alcohol. Causing me to gain weight excessively fast (I was drinking twelve- twenty-four alcoholic drinks a day) which caused a relapse with E.D. I lost my way and thought, this time I couldn't get out of it.
I forgot about the quote tattooed on my side and started to let life beat me down instead of taking back control. For a year and a half, I struggled with abusing alcohol. When I again hit a low point, similar or maybe worse than before I remember looking at myself in the mirror and breaking down. Knit picking EVERY little thing wrong with my body as I examined it in mirror and froze when I saw that tattoo on my side.
I, again, read the quote out loud. I was twenty-three and had allowed a drug to get the best of me, allowed myself to forget how strong I was and was able to find my strength again, brushing my hand over my tattoo I called doctors, went to rehab and enrolled myself in the Emily program. It's been almost three years since and I have been able to stay symptom free, and remind myself every day why I got that tattoo in the first place.
I am now twenty-five and have been symptom free for almost three years. I live by that quote every day, and I am blessed that it saved me not once, but twice from myself.
Thank you, Dad, for always supporting me and giving me the gift of courage through a quote that allowed me to live.
About the Creator
Keep reading
More stories from Elle Lunak and writers in Psyche and other communities.
Dirt and Gasoline
I open my eyes, gasping, suddenly aware of how cold a night it was. I’m in a shallow dirt hole. The night looms heavy on my shoulders as I sit upright. I…can’t remember anything. I don’t know who or where I am. Looking around, I see I am just on the edge of some wooded area. There are scuff marks all around me, as if something was dragged here, and footprints leading away and into the woods suggest someone took off in a hurry. I cough, spitting out dirt that had caked in my mouth. Gross.
By Elle Lunak4 years ago in Horror
Hidden Costs and Lasting Shame of Financial Abuse
I’ve always been responsible with my money. I have a job that pays decently, although (like many in our inflated economy) I should definitely be making more for what I do. I regularly check my credit score. I don’t eat out much, nor do I spend frivolously on non-essentials.
By Veronica Wren24 days ago in Psyche
The secret journey to regaining emotional stability
Do you feel that the anxious and avoidant types both seem to be strong and independent, but in fact they are sensitive and fragile. They often fall into emotions because of small things and start to be anxious and avoidant? If anxious and avoidant types want to change these, what they actually need is to compensate for their missing parts and heal their injured parts. In this issue, we will teach the avoidant and anxious types how to cultivate themselves again, making their emotions more stable, more rational in relationships, and at the same time gaining the ability to actively output emotional value. If anxious and avoidant types want to overcome the sensitive and fragile parts of themselves and obtain stable emotions, they need not only cognitive adjustments, but also need to heal the traumatized parts of themselves and compensate for the regretful parts of themselves. For example, the regret of the avoidant type is that they have not been paid serious attention to and have never truly rebelled. Therefore, the avoidant type will not fight for their own needs in many situations, resulting in uncomfortable situations and relationships, and they are always running away and wandering. The trauma of the anxious type is that they are trapped in unstable relationships and have been hurt by the instability in intimate relationships. The slightest fluctuation will make the anxious type feel nervous and anxious. Therefore, anxious and avoidant types are inherently fragile, sensitive, and unstable. In summary, these reasons are that something is missing during the growth stage, or they have suffered some trauma, so if you want to solve these problems, this is the time. Compensate when you need to compensate, heal when you need to heal, exercise when you need to exercise, just treat yourself as a child and raise yourself again. If the avoidant and anxious types re-train themselves, what kind of growth can they gain? First of all, emotions will become more and more stable. For example, you can be aware of your emotions at the first time, avoid emotions from affecting your thoughts and judgments, and learn to regulate your emotions. Secondly, you can truly understand yourself and know your real needs and fears. In the process of re-nurturing yourself, you can clearly understand your needs and fears, that is, you can know why you are attracted to a certain person, why you behave like this, and then you can better understand what you need.
By angelababya day ago in Psyche
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.