Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; The storm after the storm.
Things that should be understood about PTSD
I left home, my comfort zone, to live and travel abroad a few years ago. While I do enjoy it, it can be a hassle as well. Especially when suffering from PTSD, and before you ask or assume, no, I have never been in a war or served in the Military. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 7.7 million adults have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Some believe it is only associated with war veterans, events such as 9/11, or natural disasters. It is a common misconception that those are the only people who suffer from it; trauma has many faces, and other events can trigger PTSD symptoms, such as prolonged exposure to emotional and psychological abuse.
I am not defined by this.
Hi there, my name is Brittney, most call me Britt. I am just your average young woman with a past to share. With what I share, I know I’m not the only one and I hope that maybe reading this can help other females and even males to be exposed and open their eyes to life experiences--toxic traits & relationships.
The darkness was healing. Not being able to see anything around me, being able to enter a state of imaginary beings and happy thoughts. Unicorns and rainbows, future goals and thrilling travels. As I’d get lost in my imaginary world, reality would creep in when I’d snap back by a pull or a tug or the haunting scent of drugs I despise till this day. An eight year old child. Who goes through that? I’d often find myself wondering.
Telling PTSD To Screw Itself
"Time heals all wounds", but some wounds leave permanent scars. PTSD isn't a visible injury. I was 16, homeless and my friend was dead, I didn't want to feel anymore.
I never realized the amount of damage all the emotional and psychological abuse I was suffering from by my narcissistic mother until I got into another situation recently with someone who I thought was a good friend but who turned out to be equally as damaging as all the other addicts, narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths I have encountered throughout my life.
MY PTSD DIAGNOSIS
My name is Courtney. I am 33 years old and have struggled to cope with my mental health since first diagnosed with major depressive disorder at age 19. If i look back at those years since that diagnosis, I see a tangled mess of emotional roller coasters, confusion, tears, anger and a mountain of stress piled on top of Mum and Dad for having to 'deal' with my chaotic life and poor decisions I have continued to make up until this day. I have an endless list of counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and doctors who I have worked with, the majority I have not liked or bonded with other than 2 out of almost 20 names on that list. Rarely anything that was taught to me made any such difference to my mental well-being, and if there was anything gained it was merely a band-aid solution, holding me together until an unexpected life hurdle is thrown my way, then all of the teachings are forgotten, I get trapped in my emotions and remembering the practices of mindfulness are no use to me when my state of mind is triggered into an unsafe state, and in the few times mindfulness has come to mind, I can't remember a thing about it no matter how hard i try.
PTSD: From Denial to Survival to Passion and Purpose By Kirsten Marie Peterson “I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”
What Are The Symptoms Of Agoraphobia?
Agoraphobia is a schizoaffective thing, since you feel like everybody is watching you, thinking negative things about you, and talking about you in general. This is merely a schizoaffective symptom that gets way better with medication, not to mention getting your head out of your hat. Agoraphobia is a thing, it makes people not feel well, it makes one paranoid, and only because it is the way it is. I also have anxiety and such; because I have multiple anxiety disorders give or take the way my body is built. I have PTSD, OCD, and generalized anxiety. I may feel well enough to do occupational therapy Zoom groups just in case.
PTSD, inconvenient anger, and the power of forgiveness
When something traumatic happens to you, oftentimes during the recovery process you will come against something known as "toxic positivity culture". In short, this can be described as swallowing or denying an emotion, thought process, or way of coping in order to say everything is okay and nothing "bad" has tainted your head space. When I was younger, I found myself submerged in the counterculture of Vancouver's Commercial Drive. White women with dreadlocks and crystal collections that could pay off my student loans would tell me about the inner workings of the universe, how it was all connected, and the magic of sacred geometry. “What exactly is sacred geometry?” I would ask. “Like, what applications does it have?” The only reply I would get was, “It’s in everything, look around you!” I would nod uneasily, feeling like the answer was perhaps lacking some detail. They would educate me on how to set my vibration so that only good things would happen to me and I was swept up in the ideas that focusing on or even acknowledging my anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment or anything that wasn’t a constant manic joy would result in me allowing these negative energies to taint me; which would often imply I was somehow not a good person. “Low vibrational”, I would hear in very self assured tones.
Your Body Remembers
Your body remembers, even if you don’t, as I didn’t understand for years why it felt like every single muscle in my body was contracting when I walked into a dental office. Even when I was just scheduled for a routine cleaning and exam. These reactions in the dental chair caused me to avoid treatment since I was a young child. I knew I had a terrible experience with my childhood dentist, but could not for the life of me remember the specifics. I still don’t recall the details of everything that happened, and I don’t need to, as doing so would cause more harm than benefit. However, after years of avoidance and almost 20 months of addressing this trauma head-on in therapy, I can make a reasonable conclusion about what has happened to me.
Alone With Your Thoughts
When you have PTSD and depression there is nothing more scary then being awake and alone with your thoughts in the still and darkness of the night.
Learning to let go and move on
24th November 2015 between 9:30pm to 2am I was beaten up by my own brother, unprovoked attack. His words" I want to take away your freedom and humiliate you".