Throughout my life, I have had the displeasure of dealing with the "D-word" (depression). Although this word is tossed around often, many people do not truly grasp what depression is and how it presents itself. The Mayo Clinic defines depression as, “A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.” I suppose the silver lining is that I, along with many others, may feel alone, but in reality, we are far from it.
All the time I still wish I was little again. So unaware of the hurting world, and so focused on making sure I was good for my mom and dad. And then my mom and dad got separated, and everything changed. I felt this change in me and the change never went away. It's still here.
Tonight, I have fallen once again. Not tripping down stairs or falling in love with someone. I mean fallen as in pieces, as in I gave up fighting the depression monster and now I have to ride it out. For those of you with mental illnesses, you totally understand and can feel exactly what I am describing. Fighting tooth and nail to get up in the morning, go about my life that I don't even care to have at this moment. I keep going because I know I can't start from scratch every time I fall down, I have to make sure I still have my life when I get better.
It’s 3 o’clock in the day and I’m still in bed. Naked and lonely. For some reason I feel like I’ve grown roots in this bed. Whatever I do, it always bring me back to this bed. This bed is absorbing me, making me sink in and is not letting go. It’s 3 o’clock in the day and I’m still in bed.
I have MDD- Major Depressive Disorder.
Have you ever thought of suicide? I attempted to commit suicide a total of three times. Every time was scary. My first story was a short explanation of what had happened. But in real life, these simple words on paper will never truly express how scary it is to feel that way, to feel alone all the time. I felt like I wasn't good enough for my family and friends, and that they didn't care, anyway—none of which was true!
It's Tuesday. Work has pretty much ran. I didn't have time to get my morning coffee but I survived the morning. Between talking with patients and asking questions, I laughed for most of the day. Lunch, a Philly Cheesesteak, and a bottle of water. In between work and the laughs, a good hardy lunch is what I needed to get me through the second part of the day. 3:55 PM arrives and I'm leaving the office content. I hit my quota for the day and now it's time to relax.
My alarm wakes me at 7:30 AM from an unrestful sleep. It has been like all the other times I have slept in the past couple of months. It doesn’t seem to matter how early I go to bed, I wake up and feel like an enormous hammer has been dropped onto my body, pinning me down and unable to get up.
Hi. My name is Serena, I’m eighteen years old and this is my story.
According to the National Institute of Health, "depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating or working." (Oct. 2016)
I have dedicated much of my life and career to helping people confront some of the most taboo issues we face as a society. Openly discussing and helping people with suicide and suicidal tendencies has been near and dear to my heart for many years.
Depression is a serious thing. Nowadays people have become aware of it but don’t quite fully grasp what it is or what the experience is with it. People have become so comfortable with it that it’s unintentionally used as jokes or is used in a way to make oneself feel comfortable in a situation. “Ugh, kill me already. I have a finals this week,” or you get people who mimic depressed people and then laugh about it. People need to realize that depression isn’t something to joke about nor make fun of. Let me take you into a mind of a depressed human being.