The purpose of this entry is to give insight into what is a normal and healthy human being who seems to be plagued with mental depression, bi-polar disorder, and/or ADD. I just want you, as the reader, to know that you are not alone in your struggle with your own mind. This entry was written in the late hours of night and encapsulates what I go through and think every single day. Maybe you can relate? Maybe not? Hopefully not.
Depression; a horrible, horrible mental illness. Many people see it as sadness or negative feelings; no, it is way more than that. Depression is like a war going on inside your head. You never know how to feel. There's days where you are happy, then there's days where you never even want to get out of bed because you are so drained with the constant war going on in your head.
Nurses have areas of expertise that provide them personal enjoyment in their career. These particular niche areas are limitless. This niche can focus on one or more of the following:
I haven't been able to work for a while due to my diagnosis six months ago. This is something I am not at all accustomed to, and it has been very hard for me to adjust to an unproductive lifestyle. Once I was an independent woman, up before the sun, picture perfect, and ready to take on the twenty-first century—though for now, this has been stripped away from me and I am currently playing housewife. The days can feel endless sitting alone in this new environment, and sometimes even longer when friends or family grace me with their company. But that's the nature of the illness.
If you've ever been depressed, you know how hard it can be to continue on with your life. Depression affects your motivation, energy levels, and your whole persona in general. One of the worst parts of depression is how unsure you feel. For me, depression was knowing I was sad, but not knowing why. All of a sudden, I had all of these worries about the world around me that appeared to come out of nowhere. What am I doing with my life? Does anyone even like me? What am I contributing to the world?
Mental illness will either make or break you, to put it frankly. Knowing this is key to moving forward and pushing through it, rather than succumbing to its controlling tendencies—like I did, for a long time.
Suicide awareness: What are your reasons why?
It's the 30th of March, 2018. "Good Friday." What's so damn good about it? I look out of the window to my left and all I see is the constant trickle of rain which seems to do nothing but reflect my mood. I think they call it seasonal depression, but how can one have a mental health issue directly affected by the seasons when you live in England and you only really experience one season?
Another day, another morning. The same routine, the same pattern, it's just a different day; everything's the same, oh, not to forget the thoughts. The same constant, repetitive thoughts. Always gnawing away at the back of your skull. It's like cancer: you can treat it, fight it off, but it never truly leaves the body, in this case, it's the mind. They're always there and they never truly leave your head, they won't... Not unless you listen to them, or take notice, maybe even act against, or upon them, or until you acknowledge them at the very least. Once they become the centre of your attention, it's merely impossible to get them away. Even if you manage to somehow remove them, they're only behind a window, and they will remain there, you can still see them, unless of course, you let them back in.