Suffering

Within the teachings of Buddhism there is a lot to be said about suffering, after all it is the First Noble Truth. Suffering can be everywhere we turn, though it is not always seen in the same form. With that being said, the general notion of suffering can be separated into three different categories. First, there is the suffering of impermanence. To follow is the suffering of alternation and the suffering of pain. Each of these categories encompasses the essence of suffering entirely.

Suffering of impermanence stands first in line, but what is impermanence? Impermanence is the notion that all things exist in this state of transiency. Therefore, when we hear suffering of impermanence we are referring to the conditioned existence. In other words, all things are supposed to be transient yet we are born into this world to then grow old and eventually die. So if we live our lives just to be born, grow old, and die we are suffering through out its entirety. The suffering of impermanence should teach us that part of our nature is rising and falling, we become and then pass and that is of our nature.

Moreover, the suffering of alternation is the next piece of suffering. This type of suffering describes the dance between desire and dissatisfaction. We make ourselves suffer through constantly attempting to satisfy our desires. Yet many times it ends up in either of three categories: not getting what you want, getting what you don’t want, or getting what you want and no longer wanting it. As you can see it becomes this constant dance around fulfilling our desires and yet never being satisfied. In my opinion, it is the most stubborn pieces of the three types of suffering, at least that are how I view myself in looking back at my own dances with desire and dissatisfaction. I grew up striving to obtain the attention my mother held from me and I struggled to push my brother out of the spotlight and get myself under it once in awhile. However, that rarely worked and when it did I felt overwhelmingly guilty and instant regret, realizing it was never what I really wanted.

Lastly, we have the suffering of pain or the pain or pain. This type of suffering is a manifestation. In protecting ourselves from pain, we are only creating more. From the lack of experience with pain we deny ourselves the ability to acknowledge it, embody it without judgment, and finally let go. With that, the pain is never touched therefore, it manifests within us only to put us through a great deal of extra pain. This is the type of suffering I resonate with most, due to the fact that it is a description of how I lived the first 19 years of my life. I was constantly attempting to protect myself from hurting. I was tired of feeling the weight of the world on me. I began to protect my heart by blocking out any and all pain. I did whatever it took to numb myself. It seemed like the best way to do it, just bottle it all up and I would never have to feel any of it. That is the projected truth I convinced myself of, until the day my bottle burst and there was no more room left to store pain. I ended up hitting rock bottom and attempting to take my life…and I thought I could get myself to never experience pain?

All in all, each of these illustrates a different type of suffering, or dukha. Dukha does not come in simply one form; it is all around us behind many different masks.