This is what it is like to be stressed out all the time. It is like wearing a ten ton backpack every day. It is always looking behind you to see if someone is laughing. It is pretending like you are the happiest person in this world. Always smiling until you are too tired to pretend. You will wake up every morning and be fine, but as the day goes on you will get tired. You will worry more and not being able to concentrate. If you are in school this is very annoying. If you are like me you wake up tired and you will not be able to sleep. You feel like you are letting everyone down including yourself. You feel as if you just don’t work hard enough. And even when you do it isn’t enough.
You will push everyone you away because you think you aren’t good enough. You don’t deserve them. That is why I am not able to be in love. Every time I try to let someone in the only thing I do is push them further away. And I know I do this, I am just so scared of letting people in and getting hurt. I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish I could just accept the compliments I get from you. Ooh you, the guy I wish I had never pushed away. You are the on that even after everything I did still cares about me.
Stressed out for nothing, thinking that you are a failure, that you aren’t pretty enough, that you aren’t skinny enough, you aren’t smart enough, not tall enough, not funny enough, not cool enough, not nice enough, that being you isn’t enough. There are so many people who feel like this.
But if you are lucky you will find people that prove you otherwise. They will tell you, that everything is in your head and you are amazing and smart and that you are good enough. And sometimes they will leave anyway and that is fine because they have the right to do that. But you will never forget all the things they did for you. I am so thank full for the people I have in my life.
But I still get so many panic attacks and break downs but those are just a part of me right now. I will get rid of them I am sure of that, but right now I will have to live with them. I am lucky I have my friends and family to fall back on. They are the things that keep me here and they are the ones that make sure I ate and studied and that I am happy.
They are my life line.
So this is what I found out about being anxious and stressed all the time. It is hard and you will have many times you want to give up but if you have friends like mine you can talk to. You will survive it. All the break downs and depressed days. All the times that you only want to be dead. You will survive it all. But what you need most in moments like these are your friends and/or family to talk to. Or just a random guy on an app like I had. That guy is now my best friend.
So please remember, in the end everything will be fine in the end. Just hang on, find something or someone to calm you in these times. It will help a lot. So just be you and never stop being yourself no matter what anyone says, don’t change in anyway don’t even try to change the anxiety you have it makes you, you.