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Sobriety: A Self love story

Making my sobriety public in hopes of helping others

By Emily WhytePublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Sober Emily on Vancouver Island

I am writing this on the eve of a New Year, at the tail end of a shitty one. Not one for resolutions or too much public self reflection I have never really posted much besides interesting New Yorker articles or pictures of my cats, but in the spirit of a looming 2021 I’m feeling brave, so here I go.

I am sober and have been in recovery for much of a year. I have had stints of sobriety in the last few years ranging from a few weeks of a break from alcohol to a recent milestone of six months. I am currently at 12 days alcohol free after a recent stressful day caused me to sneakily take a couple shots from Tim’s rye he keeps in the cooking cupboard for special occasions. I am telling you this because as an unstoppable altruist I hope it helps any of you who are concerned with your relationship with alcohol.

My drinking was once fun and then it wasn't. I used to drink while out with friends then I started drinking alone. I was no longer reaching for the bottle to be social, for a good time, but I was using it as relief. Relief from anxiety and depression that have plagued me most of my adult life. I was self medicating, like so many and it was growing ever more concerning. I have never done anything with moderation and I found myself not knowing or wanting to stop once I opened a case of beer or bottle of wine. I was obsessed with drinking, I was always consumed by the thought of where the next one was coming from. I planned hangovers, counted change to buy a six pack; there was not much to my life besides drinking. I was constantly anxious, angry and afraid. Relationships suffered, work suffered and I suffered. I am from a family where addiction is present and I realized that much like the genetic gifts of degrading eyesight, a dark sense of humor and short stature alcoholism would most likely find me too.

I set out one day to try to not drink, one day turned to a couple, then to a week, then to several and on it went. I felt better, I looked better. I honestly have never been happier, more at peace with myself and the world around me. Giving up alcohol is not a cure all, but it has given me the opportunity to be more focused and present, more ability to work on myself. It has not always been easy. I have had several relapses, some dark, some fun nights out, none of which I regret. For those in recovery every day you have a resolution; to make it through the next evening, next event, next holiday without drinking.

There is more than one way to do anything and sobriety is no different and its very personal. I have tried meetings, white knuckling it alone and have now found an online recovery group where I can be accountable and supported in my way.

One does not come to the realization that you have a problem easily, it takes time, it takes pain and often loss. I am here for you. If you ever want to reach out, feel free, please. It can be a dark and lonely place to be. Our stories may be different, but I have been through that darkness and made it to the other side.

I was always looking for happiness, thinking that something or someone would bring it to me. It was a stark realization that I didn’t need to find something to make me happy, but that I needed to give something up.

addiction
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About the Creator

Emily Whyte

Lover of good food, good tunes and cats.

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