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Smiley.

why I am lIke I am

By Carmel KinsellaPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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In Hospital again...

I have always smiled my way through adversity and being put in Mental Health Hospitals again and again is no different. I think it started happening to me though long before I was ever diagnosed with a mental health diagnosis.

When I was 2 I fell into a pool of murky water at Perry Lakes face first and was to have my first seizure at that time . Then at the age of nearly three I was sexually orally assaulted and I know who but I can't say . It will have to remain a mystery but to a select few that knew already. these two events were to shape my life and thinking to this day.

I was known as a cheerful child and was nicknamed smiley at school and College but when I had a faint normally there was no none around and when I heard thoughts normally with a vision or image I couldn't tell anyone about it so I would ask The Universe if it was good to let it be so and if not good to let for The Universe not let it be so. Most of the time this pertained to my family or relatives but sometimes it would be a world event or some natural disaster which usually affected my normal thinking or actions for the duration of the situation. I would try to alleviate the pressure I felt in my brain by dancing or singing or listening to the news but sometimes it was something that only happened maybe months or weeks later and my explanation of it was often not chrystal clear and was normally discounted by my brother and therefore transcended down that Carmel was a bit ditzy. Most of the time after the event had occurred my family had either forgotten what I had said or belittled my recognition of it . But not my Dad .

Dad was a bit like me but his visions he normally kept to himself unless they affected his family and he was of the great motto..." God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference." When my son was born after my father had passed away i was to realize how much he had protected me .

From the age of twenty eight up till the age of 59 I think I was hospitalized around 15 times My diagnosis varied from many illnesses that only after an MRI and my memory of events as a child were recorded that I had some reasons behind my fainting and my visions auditory and visual . and they found I had pituitary cysts plus a retro virus that caused all my what the doctors thought were the reasons for my fainting seizures and my unexplained extrapyridimal thoughts.

But that did not stop me from being a school teacher for thirteen years a carer for my mum for 4 years and I think a good mother, judging from the successes and achievements of my son . I have had a wonderful life and have achieved quite alot myself .This included acting and Rhythmic Gymnastics and coaching .

The only experience I haven't had is a long term relationship with a man or a woman for that matter. preferably I would love to have had a boyfriend by now .But my son has had what I didn't.

One day I hope to be able to show why I smiled so much to my grandchildren but maybe by writing this down They will understand when they arrive, that smiling through adversity is the sanest thing a person can do.

coping
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About the Creator

Carmel Kinsella

Lets see...60 this year and i will be able to wear a teeshirt that says I self isolated on my 60th. My house is one of a miriad of quaint little hobbit homes that the owners take great care of .Well that's me for now.

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