Sleep Paralysis Experience

*Trigger warning*

I don't know much about sleep paralysis. I do know that it is the feeling of being conscious but unable to move. You lay in bed, your mind going through the stages of wakefulness and sleep. It takes a few minutes before your fully able to speak or move, only laying there motionless until it ends. The reason do know this, is because it happens to me. It doesn't happen every night. But when it does happen my entire body is filled with terror. One I have never felt before in my life.

The first time it happened, all I wanted to do was scream. But nothing came out. I was frozen in a state of horror. Waiting for it to end. I didn't know about sleep paralysis then. It felt like I was waking up, but still drowsy. I looked around the room, but I could only move my eyes. My arms were stuck to my side. I couldn't even feel my toes. It was absolutely terrifying. It only got worse from there. A tall figure walked into my room. The first person it reminded me of was my ex husband. He walk just like him. He was only a shadow, but everything about him shouted he was my husband. He walked from the hallway door to the other door in my room leading to a bathroom. In this lucid state the door is opened and he peers into the bathroom as if checking for someone or something.

I still couldn't move yet, but I could feel tears reaching the edge of my eyes. I am trying to scream at him. Telling him to leave, go away. Anything! I don't even know if my lips are moving. I wanted to hide under the covers, but I still couldn't move my arms. Then it's almost as if he hears me trying to scream. He stops on his way out the other door and turns to look at me. Now before, when he first walked in, there was no light in his eyes. This time they were glowing red as they stared down at me. He walked towards my bed and kneeled down next to it. The second his face got close to mine, I felt movement coming back to me and I whipped the covers over my face. I stayed under there as long as I could. It was so hot. I felt like I was suffocating. But I knew I couldn't come out. I still felt like I was being watched.

I'm not sure how long I stayed under there, but eventually I fell back asleep. It wasn't long before my alarm went off. I woke up with my nose barely peeking above the covers. My hands gripping tightly to the blanket that was now wrapped around me. I didn't move right away to get to my alarm. I waited to make sure he was gone. I figured he was gone as I didn't feel any eyes on me anymore. I still checked to the room as I slowly got up. The first thing I looked at was the bathroom door and it was closed.

I had talked to my sister and my therapist about this first one. My sister told me it was a sleep paralysis demon. Because it had walked on its own accord and acknowledged me. I honestly didn't really want to learn more about it. I was to terrified to do that. My therapist thinks it has something to do with me finally talking about my past experiences with my husband and other men who had assaulted me. That it may be a side affect of all the trauma I had suppressed over the years and it starting to come to light. Either why it didn't make me feel better. Sleeping did not come easy after that night.

My sister also mentioned that this has happened to me before. I remember looking at her in confusion. How does she remember this happening to me and I don't? I tried so hard to remember as she told me about the footsteps I used to hear. How I would think they are my father coming home. She said I used to wake up in the middle of the night hearing things or seeing figures just in the hallway outside my door. Thinking this has happened to me before, made me wonder why they stopped and how do I make sure they don't happen again. Unfortunately, I have yet to figure it out.

The second one to happen to me a few months after the first one. I had almost forgotten about the first one at this point. This one didn't start out as scary. I opened my eyes to see a small child standing in my doorway. It was dark and my brain immediately went to it being my daughter. Thinking she had a nightmare and wanted to sleep with me. I called out to her, telling her to come into bed. It took me a moment to realize that the words never left my lips and when I tried to move my arm, nothing happened. I wasn't completely awake yet and that wasn't my daughter. The child slowly started making it's way towards me. I could feel the fear creeping up through my body.

My first thought was to my real child. Was she okay? Where was she? I'm praying she is still sound asleep in her bed. My boyfriend at the time was living with me and I desperately tried to call out to him. I did not want to be alone. But again, nothing came from my lips. The figure kept getting closer. This time there was no glowing red eyes. I wanted to hide under the covers again. I continue to try and scream my boyfriends name. It would either not come out at all or it would come out as a gutted mess. Like I had a really bad sore throat. Then again, as soon as I could feel movement coming back to me, I hid under the covers.

The next morning I asked my boyfriend if he ever heard me. He said he heard nothing. He had no idea of the nightmare happening in my bedroom. I ended up not telling my therapist about this incident. I had other problems going on that needed to be worked out first. When I told me sister, she became disturbed. She didn't like hearing about the first one and this one made her even more creeped out. The fact that I thought it was my daughter was what scared me the most. My daughter was fine when I got up that morning. She knew nothing of what happened.

The latest one happened a few days ago and this time there was an aftermath. I don't know if they are connected, but all I know is that I'm not sure I can be alone anymore. I am absolutely terrified of my head and my house. The one started with me unable to move and at first I was alone in my bedroom. I tried to move and I couldn't, so I knew this was another form a sleep paralysis. I tried as hard as possible to keep calm. I was alone for now and I prayed it stayed that way. I wanted to to be quick and easy. I did not get my wish.

A tall figure walked into my room. I immediately thought it was my cousin, who is staying with me at the moment. I wasn't as scared as I was with the first two demons to visit my bedroom. My cousin as never been a threat, well neither has my daughter, but this one walked just like him and his head and body shape. Same with how I thought the first one was my ex husband. This one also didn't have glowing red eyes. I lay there staring up at him. I try and scream as it leans down over me. Of course nothing comes out, but I try anyway. He reaches a hand out as if trying to hand me something. I am so confused. It looked like a business card, but I have no idea what was on it. It was black but seemed to have a glow of red around it. The weirdest thing I have ever seen.

The next time I try and scream, one comes out. I heard it echo throughout my house and I know my cousin heard it too. I heard him come up the stairs from where he is staying in the basement. I dare not to move through. I instead roll over on top of my daughter. I pull her in close from where she is sleeping. She awoke from my screams and my pleas for the man to go away. I was finally awake and all I wanted to do was protect her. I kept asking her if she was okay, over and over again. She told me she was fine, but I still did not feel safe. My cousin never came into my room, so I assumed he just did a quick check and left back downstairs.

That morning after I dropped my daughter off at school, I went about my business. Trying hard to get the image out of my mind. To get the whole experience out. It was difficult. I so desperately wanted to talk to my cousin and ask him about it. If he heard anything. Before I left for lunch with my dad and sister, I told him about it. He never said if he did came upstairs or not. So I'm not sure if he heard me or not. He just laughed and thought it was creepy. Later that day, I was down in the basement and I hear walking upstairs. My cousin had left the house not long after I did and I knew he wasn't home yet. I still called out to him anyway and heard nothing back, but the footsteps stopped. The same feeling I had the night before came rushing back into my system. Filling me with dread. I didn't feel alone anymore.

My cousin ended up showing up later to pick up some clothes. He was going to stay at a friends house. I was going to ask him to stay, but I didn't want him to see me scared. I don't want anyone to see me afraid. I have been alone in this house many times. My daughter only lives with me half the time. But I wish I would have said something. The feeling of being watched held throughout the rest of the night. I closed all the blinds, cleared the rooms, had my gun sitting out on my coffee table. I did not feel safe. I still don't feel safe. I continued to talk to a friend. He helped me try and loosen the paranoia. My dog even knew something was up with me. He knew I was upset and scared and never left my side.

Going to bed was torture that next night. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I was terrified something or someone was going to show up. I had my gun by my bedside table and I let my dog sleep with me. I normally put him in a kennel at night. But not that night. I tossed and turned all night. I got very little sleep, but I woke up alive and the feeling somewhat gone. I still checked all the room, just to make sure. Now, I don't know if it is related to the sleep paralysis or not. It could be a coincidence or I was just being paranoid. All I know is I pray to never feel that way again.