She who was harmed

(Warning for child abused)

Trigger warnings for emotional abuse, physically and child abused.

All the stories show their mother and father being kind to them. Laughing. With big happy smiles, helping one another out then there was her it made her think something was off. It made her think if something was wrong.

It made her think if something was wrong with her.

She saw the mother and fathers tucking their kids into bed. Telling them bed time stories when all she got was yelled at forcing her to cry herself to sleep.

She saw the mother and fathers helping their child out. Either from their first step to the time they needed help with homework. While if she asked, she got yelled at and if she got it wrong, she was called dumb.

She wonders why her family wasn’t the same. Wonders where she went wrong. Mother always told her she went wrong the moment she was born because she was never the son she wanted. Maybe mother is right. Father never said a word and when he did, he would lose his anger whenever she smiled in front of him.

She would go to school and learn about child abuse. About how sometimes adults can be mean to a child. Sometimes they would hit a child, or punch or go as far with them and harm them by other means. Sometimes they would take food away from the child forcing the kid to sleep in nothing, but old sheets.

She, wonder if her family did that to her. Harming her. After all she never liked it when her mother and father called her mean names. Or, when mother would not speak to her because she didn’t comment on her mother new hair style. Or, when father called her lazy or how mother said she wasn’t the boy she wanted. She didn’t like any of those nasty things.

After school when the bell rang, she saw the teacher. With stumbling words and sweaty hands, she told the teacher everything, but what the teacher said was not what she expected.

“Do they still feed you?”

She nodded her head because her family always made sure she had food.

“Do you still get a room? With all the things you need in school?”

Mother and father always brought her everything she wanted whenever she asked. It was the only time she wasn’t yelled at.

“Then you shouldn’t whine about these things. Child abuse is a very seriously matter and not something you should lie about just because your mother and father said no to you.”

She would remember this for the rest of her life. Even the shock that flow through her afterwards. It was enough to tell her that she was just making a fuss and mother and father we're good people she just didn't know any better.

Adults always said that kids needed to learn.

There was a part of her that knew the teacher was wrong. They said adults we’re right and kids needed to learn that’s why kids needed to listen to them, but she knew something was wrong. Something wasn’t right she did her own research.

Whenever her mother father we’re not around she used the laptop that she was never allowed to touch she types up their traits, she did her research. Finding herself reading big words she didn’t understand. Finding herself having a hard time going through text among text, but she would find the same answer time and time again. The answer was this. Her mother and father did not treat her right. She was not meant to be yelled at over the smallest mistakes.

Her mother was not meant to call her dumb. Her mother was not meant to call her a mistake. Her father was not meant to call her lazy. This was not meant to happen, no matter the nice things they buy with their fake smiles on their faces. It was not something a child should have to go through.

Mother and father might care about her when she was sick, but afterwards when she was better and well, they treated her poorly. Mother was not meant to throw things at her. Despite knowing better, she stayed she kept her research quiet, deleted her history and let the names roll over her because she had somewhere to run to. People said they didn’t like school she liked it because she didn’t need to go home.

It would only be years after when father lost his anger left the house. Only to be yelled at by mother and slapped in the face by her own mother did she come to noticed that abuse can come in many forms.

She ran away from home afterwards. She didn’t know what was worst. Living on the streets or living at home.

Either way, there was a small part of her that was glad she was far away from home.