Self-Care When You Feel Depressed as Hell

Self-care. Ah, yes. It's been a trend for quite a while. You can see young people all over the internet celebrating positive thinking, healthy meals, journalling and caring more about their hygiene more than ever.

Yeah, I know. That sounded stupid. Or maybe not so much. It's a given that people should take care of themselves, but not everyone (especially young adults) knows how to do that. And it's much harder to even want to do it at all when you face depression.

Self-care isn't the icing on top of the cake that is your daily life. It's the foundation. I firmly believe that self-care is a valuable element of life. It's refreshing, and when you have mental health challenges, it can possibly make each day more tolerable.

But indeed, at the current moment, it is a trend. And when things start to trend, companies like to take advantage of those trends. Influencers start to endorse expensive products and all of a sudden, self-care is about money and looks (what do you expect from a social media platform like Instagram). But self-care at its core is fulfilling your basic needs. You need to be nourished, and your mind needs to be calm. I thought it would be good for me to remind everyone this by writing a list of self-care options from the perspective of someone who has experienced depression several times.

A little disclaimer: I'm not an authority on mental health. If you need help, please use the resources listed below.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline

The Trevor Project (for the LGBT+ community)

National Domestic Violence Hotline

National Sexual Assault Hotline

7cups

BetterHelp (has a free trial)

Now, without further adieu, here is my list of things to do when you feel absolutely. Awful.

1) Write and/ or Speak.

I understand that for some people, writing is not really that appealing. An alternative to this could be voice memos or recording yourself on video. Either way, sometimes you need to get your thoughts out when you feel like crap. It can allow you to separate yourself from your problems as well as process them, thus allowing you to move forward--even by a tiny bit. You're not really helping yourself if you lay down all day, letting things brew inside you.

But don't just vent to yourself, really work through the problems you just laid out in front of yourself. If you were your own "perfect" best friend, how would you create a strong, supported argument that can really put things in a positive perspective? Doing this has allowed me to defend myself from negative thoughts. For instance, I created an argument against thoughts like "God, I'm so ugly," and "No one wants me. No one's ever wanted me. I guess I'm just meant to be alone." I wrote a poem about it, and the last line was so powerful, I instantly started to feel better. That concluding statement was "And who was your beauty meant for? The beholder, or you--the holder?" Like all negative thoughts do, they come back. Your brain is wired to think a certain way because of strengthened neural pathways. So, when the time comes that I think that I'm ugly, I ask myself who my beauty was meant for.

Some people also like positive affirmations. You could write these positive arguments on sticky notes and put them on your bathroom mirror (or, everywhere for that matter). You could write a morning journal about how amazing you are each morning, and if you're really eager, you could write one each night--sealing and opening each day with a positive mindset.

2) Take a Shower

The way I take showers when I'm depressed involves me sitting down and letting the water rinse all over my body. It requires the least energy, and to be honest, it feels quite nice. I usually sit like this for about five minutes before I actually move. My arms are curled around my legs as I just lean back and let the water take me. Just don't get carried away and fall asleep.

After those five minutes are up, I take a loofa and some body wash and slide it over my skin for about one or two minutes, rinse off, and walk back to my room. Treat yourself like an old person. Be patient drying yourself off. Relieve yourself of expectations. The overwhelming fatigue demands it. If you feel too hot, turn on a fan and get a glass of iced water. If you feel too cold, put on some soft pajamas. Listen to yourself. Things just might feel a little bit more bearable.

Note: Keep in mind that you don't have to do all of these things, let alone do them in order. But if it floats your boat, grab a paddle and set sail.

3)Put on a Different Outfit

Really. Do it. Take off those gray sweatpants and that crusty looking t-shirt. Whenever I put on a different set of clothes, a very small part of me feels like I can move forward with the rest of the world. Sometimes I like to dress in going out clothes. Other times, I like to wrap my body in pastels. Just go with anything from your closet that you like. Wash your face. Do your make up--or not. I associate a new look with a new day, and therefore, a slightly new me. Maybe this can help you feel brand new. It doesn't matter if anything's actually changed. Just get ready for the day, even if it's a day of nothing. Your goal at this point is to feel okay.

4) Enjoy a Movie, Book, or a Piece of Art

I usually prefer a movie or a playlist. Those don't require my brain to work as hard to process things like reading a book, but regardless, allowing yourself to become immersed in the arts is nothing less than rewarding. There are a lot of artists who are mentally ill, which means if you're looking for someone who understands what you're going through, you can find it in music, literature, and motion pictures. And if you're looking for something that can bring you joy, there are lots of comedians that have worked hard to make you laugh because they understand how awful life can feel sometimes. Robin Williams was a prime example.

5) Create Something

I am a writer, and ever since I was in kindergarten, I wrote stories. Once my mental health took a turn, I myself, turned to writing poetry, flash fiction, and yes--novels (unpublished, mind you). The joy of creation is a surreal thing. It can take you places you've never been to before--whatever that means.

It is a beautiful effort that can make you forget that you are in pain. Or it can make you say that the pain is worth it. I find that, without a shadow of a doubt, when I create when I am depressed, I can make something that I am proud of, and the therapeutic process will help me feel better. Sometimes the pressure of misery can create diamonds (but like, don't torture yourself to create diamonds).

Even if you don't think that what you've made is so great, you can be proud that you've done something. Once again, self-care when you're depressed is about releasing pressure (or adding just a touch to make you grow out of stagnation).

5) Avoid Things That Are Triggering

While I've sprinkled in the idea of sparing your energy here and there throughout this blog post, the one thing you should spend your energy on is avoiding triggers. First, you need to identify these triggers. This can go hand in hand with the first self-care tip I suggested--writing things out. After you recognize what triggers you have, do what you can to avoid these triggers at all cost. It could be a song. It could be the news. It could be a picture, or someone who you know is toxic. Find your space and get away from these attackers. That is how you protect yourself.

Keep in mind, there is a gray area here that we are working with. Sometimes the things that we find relatable in our times of need can really just be reopening old wounds. You could be exposing yourself to triggering things because you think that it helps when really you just haven't recognized when the relatable things have start to hurt. For instance, if you listen to nothing but heartbreak anthems, you could be cementing yourself into a constant state of heartbreak. And while it can be addicting to be in a constant state--to not use that energy to change things--when it comes to depression, you need to break these cheap habits.

6) Dude, Go Outside

Yeah, yeah. We all know that one. I didn't really care much about it either. I was, after all, a hermit. Most of the things I have to work on are indoor projects anyways, and it's currently boiling where I live (the featured photo is just me being nostalgic). But going outside is a necessary evil. If it's hotter than Hades, get as close to naked as you possibly can without disturbing the public. Bring some iced water or a spray bottle if you're as passionate about staying cool as me. Maybe sit on the porch in the shade and bring your work with you, along with some rad tunes. It's all about a change in scenery. Get comfortable. It's important that you feel comfortable.

This is very simple, yet valuable. Sometimes monotony causes a funk, especially during this pandemic. I find that my walks help ease my woes, and allows for me to come to life again.

7) Eat Well, Move Well, Sleep Well, Feel Well

When I get depressed, sometimes I find that it's because I haven't been eating the right foods. We all know that doctors say to eat right, get exercise, and sleep for good mental health. I think that it's easy to take this for granted. For instance, I have this tendency to not eat food. Yes, it's unhealthy, and yes, it plays a part in my mental health. I formed this bad habit because my family didn't always have the funds to eat three times a day. I was the kid with free lunch, and in the summer, the kid with no lunch. So I formed an unhealthy relationship with food. If I ate, I would be gluttonous with unhealthy foods. Sometimes you can't afford to be healthy, especially if you live in America. So I didn't really learn to be healthy in general. Eventually, things got better, and that meant I ran out of excuses to be lazy as my family achieved financial stability and a healthier shopping list. If you're like me, you just have to force yourself to take care of yourself.

I say eat healthy because often times when you eat unhealthy foods, you'll feel like crap. I have this thing I like to call "food sadness." If I eat something that's high in carbs, or if there's too much fat, salt, and sugar, my brain will slow down and it'll feel like there's a build up of pressure in my chest or stomach. I'll even feel like crying, but not from physical pain--emotional pain. I won't be able to concentrate. Ugh. Sucks just thinking about it. So, please eat healthy if you can.

8) Spend Time With People (Safely, Considering the World Right Now)

There are a lot of people who are suffering because they can't have their social time (finally us introverts get to rule the world, haha just kidding). But one way or another, you have to get what you need. You just have to be a bit more safer this time. Wear masks AND stay six feet apart. Socialize in secluded areas.

The safest socializing alternatives include using FaceTime or House Party. If you want to watch movies with your friends, use Netflix Party. Or you can join a Discord. Whatever you do, get creative with socializing right now. You deserve social interaction (but like, you also deserve to be alive).

9) Keep in Mind

Depression is a Tricky Thing

Not all of these things are going to work. You just have to go with what you feel like doing, or the option that seems least tiresome. You have to force yourself to become your own cheerleader even when your brain and your body are working against you.

Steer Clear of Addictive Habits

Some forms of self-care, such as eating foods or snacks that you like or satiating your sexuality (*cough, cough* masturbation, sex *cough* pornography *cough, cough*) can be addicting. Everything is good in moderation, but depression sort of adds this extra layer of desperation that makes it easier to succumb to addiction. It's part of the reason why alcoholics become alcoholics and drug addicts become drug addicts. Who wouldn't want to constantly activate their pleasure center during a time like this? Just stay safe and pay attention to yourself.

Self-Care Can Only Do So Much For Mental Illness

There are some cases in which self-care cannot replace treatment from a specialist. Some people with major-depressive disorder can manage their depression with self-care, but not everyone is the same. There are people who are the healthiest that they can be, working out consistently, eating healthy on a daily basis, and always making time for the things that they like--and they will still feel depressed. Sometimes your brain just works differently like that, and it may feel like it's working against you, but it's okay. That's completely normal, and there's nothing wrong with you. However, this may be a sign that you should speak up and ask for help. You deserve to feel better.

Self-Care Cannot Fix Our Deep Rooted Problems

I once read an article on Vice called The Dark Truths Behind Our Obsession With Self-Care by Shayla Love. I highly recommend it. Love addresses the issue from multiple points, making Love's work incredibly valuable by introducing different perspectives.

Love maintains a point that I absolutely agree with: America takes the idea of individuality to a tee. You must work to have healthcare. You must work more to have mental health coverage. A capitalist country like ours runs on stress, and when you live in a country that runs on stress, you are bound to have mental health issues, and since the American healthcare system is--without a doubt--extremely flawed in the context of mental health coverage, Americans HAVE to resort to self-care. This means that the self-care trend is a symbol of the mental health crisis.

I would go more in depth with how the mental health crisis specifically impacts minorities, but I think that issue deserves its own blog post.

Anyways...

I hope that what you found in this post was helpful. I will say, once again, that not everything I listed will work for everyone. For instance, I talked about creating something artistic to ease your pain. Not everyone likes to create. My brother, for example, likes to fish. I've also seen some people do gardening. Self-care is about understanding who you are, how you work, and what works for you. Please know that you are absolutely wonderful, and I hope to see you in the next post.

Much love,

Isabella S. Ragan-Johnson