Rewiring the way we speak to ourselves.
Advice to help you rewire your inner voice.
I do this thing where I speak to myself without using "if, then" phrases.
I do this because I got tired of having a perpetually negative mindset and dismissive attitude towards all my own goals and desires.
I realized that every time I hoped to get something done, I first consulted with my "if, then" assistant. This hired help, dwelling in my head, would weigh in my decisions on being worth trying only if it were to bring me some sort of benefit in return.
This hired assistant thought a good way to rationalize my behaviors was by reality checking my "impluses".
But ideas are not synonymous with impulses.
Ideas are built up with creativity, innovation, and passion + a solution to a hindrance or issue.
The thing is, acting is a solution.
Physically, emotionally and mentally moving forward with ideas help us discover solutions.
Even more so, progress is birthed out of action. Sans perfection, we can perform reoccurring actions that will benefit our lives.
We just so happen to have a name for those reoccurring actions.
Whenever I would get an idea, the hired help inside my head would say "well, if you do this then you will receive this ---> so it's a good idea."
Or, like the voice of reason, she would hear out my idea and say "this decision will not give you anything. No immediate and maybe no long-term outcome. No reward. This is not smart."
I fired my hired help the day I realized I hired her based on society's notion of what success really is. I realized most ideas I came up with got dismissed.
Though I call her hired help, because her ideas from the environment seemed sound, what she really acted as was the dismissiveness and ridicule I placed within my own psyche every time I wanted to step out of the box.
Heck, sometimes I dismissed even doing small actions if the action would not present some sort of reward that was a step towards perfecting my formula for success.
The core of the issue was this. What was success? What did it look like? What did it feel like to be successful?
I surely knew what being a failure felt like. What being poor felt like. What being a low energy, depressed bad-idea-generator felt like.
My ideas were not actually bad either. Logic met emotion and collectively awakened to the fact that my ideas were never bad at all.
In fact, I was a highly creative and passionate individual with endless inspiration and ideas every single day.
So how come every idea got shot down?
I fired my hired help, the thing inside my head that said "instant gratification or bust."
The thing that said, "you have to know the outcome before you take the first step".
I inevitably would never get close to success or happiness if I never took chances.
And I could not possibly predict outcomes, like if an email to a company I want to partner with for my blog would take me seriously and say yes.
Like if going out on an adventure, intuitively, one day to see where the day takes me could lead to amazing discoveries and opportunities.
The truth was, playing big felt unsafe because I did not have enough faith that I would succeed in anything.
In fact, I dismissed the simple act of taking action without worrying about the value of what would come out of it as an actual WIN.
Now I know, it is an absolute win to be a person who takes chances.
To write that email, send that letter, show up to that place, ask that question, plan that trip, write that book, read that story, invest in that opportunity, take that class...
Ask that person on a date.
Tell that person you love them.
To play big is to live.
To let the assistant in your head tell you the reward is greater than the act is just horse shit.
It comes from being raised in a corporate and diligent society of people who think money is king and "overachieving" is a label for unhealthy people. Instead of encouraging and supporting the notion that we can just achieve as much as we want to and enjoy the leaps. That playing big CAN be healthy. That joy does not need to be moderated.
It comes from those who think "intuition" is woo and also synonymous with lacking proof or logic.
I now know that what makes my heart happy in the moment and allows me to play with my creativity is so rewarding, it is bound to have amazing effects on my life.
Not just an amazing result.
A beautiful process.
I now know life is most beautiful and magical when we revel in the process.
When we leap ALL IN with excitement, faith, and spontaneity.
Do the things.
Fire the assistant in your head.
You know what!?
Give them a vacation.
Not as an assignment or hiatus. Teach them how to live. Seek joy.
And then bring them back into play as your companion in seeking out opportunities through active leaps of faith.
It is illogical and irrational to "if, then".
The truth is, you have no idea how it will play out.
The way to be logical and rational is to stick to your values. To make healthy, aligned decisions that allow you to flow with your dreams.
Mental health blogger, content creator, and creative writer. I write about trauma, mental health, and holistic wellness to empower other trauma survivors. Follow my blogs @Jadedsaviorblog @Startthrivingnotsurviving linktr.ee/jeangrey888