Relationships With Anxiety

Having anxiety and being in a relationship is hard. Anxiety is something that the person dealing with doesn't necessarily understand, but it is even more difficult for the significant other to understand. It takes even more time for the S/O to mentally prepare and figure out a way to deal with it themselves, as well as learn how to deal with the person who suffers from anxiety. It all takes time.

For both parties it is extremely frustrating. At least, it is for my relationship. For me, I get frustrated because I feel like I have to hide my anxiety. I hide in the bathroom and allow my attacks to dissipate. I stay quiet in conversation because my brain is not shutting off and every word that comes out of his mouth I am over-analyzing. I can't say that this is something that happened just when we first got together. Things like this are normal in a beginning relationship. You're still learning how to trust them and getting to know them.

I have been in this same relationship for three, almost four years. And because of my anxiety, this is something that's a constant. I turn his words into something that they are not. I know this, and yet I still do it. It is frustrating to know that he won't fully understand what I am going through. And although he tries very hard, it doesn't change the fact that it isn't something that he 100% understands.

For him, it was just as difficult, if not more. When we started our relationship, I hid my anxiety, so he was blindsided when it came out over time. For him, he had to get used to having someone who had anxiety all day, every day. No breaks, no time-outs, nothing. It was hard for him. More so because he constantly had to work on gaining my trust. He had my trust at the start of our relationship, but the problem was keeping it. Because of my anxiety, I constantly overthink his every move. If he didn't text me back, I thought that he was cheating on me. If he didn't want to hang out, I thought that he didn't like me anymore, when for both of those situations, that was definitely not the case. He would get frustrated at me because I would and still do ask him if I am who he wants to be with. It seemed like every time we saw each other, I questioned whether he actually wanted to be with me. And after a while, constantly getting asked that question takes a toll, not only on the relationship but on him. It was not just the constant over-thinking that he dealt with, it was the random anxiety attacks that he had to endure. They happened all the time and it didn't matter where we were or what we were doing. He also had to deal with going out in public with me. I stuck by his side and didn't socialize, even if we were surrounded by people that we both knew quite well. There were no words that ever escaped my mouth, and the poor guy dealt with me constantly being in his bubble.

I was a lost puppy that found someone who saw me and pet me and then I didn't want to leave them. It's a bad analogy, but my point is clear.

Now, my anxiety is not even something that he thinks about. He is so used to it and knows how to deal with it so it doesn't affect him like it did before. He knows that I can't order food at fast food places on my own. He knows that I can't socialize. He knows that I will have anxiety attack several times throughout the day and that nothing is going to change that. He knows and understands that I will overthink and overanalyze every part of our relationship even though I know that everything is fine and that he's not going anywhere.

One night, we went out for a late night bite and we went to a place where drunk people are often. And drunk people are my worst nightmare when it comes to my anxiety. Well, about halfway through our meal, there was a drunk man walking toward the bathroom. Doing so, he was walking unsteady and constantly brushed against me. Well, my boyfriend had to go to the bathroom, but he didn't. He knew that my anxiety was through the roof and I probably wouldn't be able to handle being alone. So, he stayed with me while I finished my food. He disregarded his needs to fulfill mine.

He took the time to get to know not only me but my anxiety. It is another person in this relationship, and he got to know the both of us. He handled things well, though. But that's not the case for every relationship. Just because this happened for me doesn't mean that it happens for the other people who suffer from anxiety.

It seems easy. But it's not easy. Not easy for the person who suffers from anxiety and not easy for the partner. It takes time and effort from both parties. And it is going to be hard for both parties as well. Not everyone is going to be able to handle someone who suffers from anxiety. But there are people out there who are willing to try.