Abuse doesn't start right away and it doesn't start 10/10 it starts as 1/10 and slowly works its way after the fish is hooked. It starts with little comments like " oh your going out in that?" or " that was dumb" seemingly harmless comments and comments that ill be forgotten within a couple of days. The comments will slowly turn into " you look ugly today" then to " Your such an stupid idiot". Which one time comments like this from someone you went to high school with is one thing but totally different from the person who says they love you 5 minutes later.
Abuser start off amazing in the beginning buying you flowers after stupid fights and loving texts after the first time they hit you. It becomes a routine, they call you names and make you feel 1 foot tall and then buying you flowers and telling you to make sure to post about them. Abusers are good at making you feel like there is no point in leaving because no one will love you no one will ever care about you more than they will. Normally the abuse starts with little sly remarks and jokes and it turns into hurtful statements and piercing words.
Most abusers do everything behind closed doors and under clothes so that the public eyes only see your loving post and happy pictures. Little do most people know what its truly going on. When the abuse starts happening in front of his/her friends is when you need to find help and quick.
The worst thing you can do is ask someone who has been abused "If it was so bad then why didn't you just leave?" not only are you adding to the mental anguish but if you have never been thru an abuse situation you don't have any room to try and judge them for what they do.
Imaging waking up and having to make sure you wear a shirt long enough to cover the bruises and if you will have enough foundation to cover the ones that you can't put clothes over. Having to cancel plans with friends you haven't seen in years because you are afraid that something you do or say is going to piss off him/her and you are going to fight and lose another friend.
Some abusers are soul sucking. They are able to slowly suck your energy straight from you like a capri sun and then your happiness and your money. You stop eating because you can't afford it or you just don't feel good anymore. They steal everything that once made you happy. They make you feel like you have to work more hours or make more money and if you don’t have the money to buy them something new they make your life worse. Telling you that you are worthless because you can buy them the new Xbox or pay for them to get a car for them. can't talk to your friends anymore because they will tell you to leave him and then he will see the messages and that just leads to more abuse whether that physical or mental.
The fact that one person can make you feel like you don't deserve love or that you aren't good enough is such a crazy concept but it is so real and for us who have actually experienced it it is a life that you may live your whole life if you don't learn to break the cycle. Not a single person should make you feel like you deserve any less than the world man or woman.