Reality

Am I awake or dreaming? I blink my eyes, but everything remains black. Am I dead? There is not a hint of light anywhere. I try to move but there is no room. Wherever I am it is very small. I stand up and start feeling the walls, there are no corners, no way to climb out, I am in a hole. How could this be? How did I get here? I have no idea how deep I am in the ground. Was I kidnapped? Who could have put me here?

The last thing I remember, I was sitting in my living room. My husband had just walked out on me and my three small children. Why? What had gone so wrong with our marriage? I couldn’t figure it all out, I must be in shock. As I was sitting there crying my children came in and asked what was wrong and where their dad was. I told them I would explain everything later and sent them to play in the backyard. All I could do was cry and I didn’t want them to be upset. How was I going to tell them that their dad had left us with no explanation as to why?

As I sat there crying, I realized a big part of my life had just ended. After fourteen years of taking care of him, loving him, and he just walks away. My life was in a down spiral. How was I going to take care of my children? I had devoted most of my adult life, my entire being to him and our children. I tried to please him, make him happy and love me, but now, he was gone. What am I supposed to do now?

I was brought back to my reality by screaming. It was so faint, so eerie. Then it got louder, like the person was right beside me. I have to get out of here, somehow, some way. I have to get back to my kids. My children! Oh my, where could they be? Did someone kidnap them too? Are they scared or hurt? They were all alone and need me. The fears, the thoughts I was having. I had to know if they were ok.

My anxiety was overwhelming. I start scratching at the walls, trying to climb out, but it was to no avail. The screams are getting louder now. Could it be my children? My precious babies, screaming for me? Is someone hurting them. I hoped they were ok. My fear of not making it out of there was becoming a reality.

The screaming, the scratching was all too much. I felt as though I would lose my mind. Overwhelmed, tired, and hurting, I was about to give up when I heard a deep voice. It was a hard and steely voice, so frightening. It was hard to make out what it was saying at first then it became clear. The voice was asking me if I was ready? Ready to give up and come with him. I asked, “who are you?” and he replies, in a cold voice, “I am your only way out of here! Well, what is it going to be? Are you coming with me or are you going to stay in this hole forever?”

I asked again, “who are you? If I come with you, are you going to hurt me?” To which the voice says, “How I figure it, you have already done that to yourself.” Confused about what he meant I asked, “what do you mean by that?” “Do you not realize that you put yourself here a long time ago? Anything would be better than this darkness, right? Are you afraid of the dark?” I replied, “the only thing I fear is losing my children or myself.” He begins to laugh, and it chills me to the bone. When the laughing stops, I hear him say, “Well has that not already happened? That is why you are here isn’t it?”

What does he mean? I wouldn’t, couldn’t have put myself here. I reply, “I wouldn’t do this to my children or myself. Someone put me here!” “Okay”, is all the voice said. This makes me think. Had I done this somehow? How would I not know where I was or what happened? I would know, I would have realized what I had done. I then fall to my knees and begin to pray. “Lord, forgive me for my sins and please show me the way. How could I have fallen so far that I can’t reach you? How do I find the strength to bear this trial without you? I need you more now than ever!”

Suddenly there is a light up above. The hole is opening up until it is a full circle of light. A silhouette of a man appears in the light, and he says, “Take my hand and I will show you the way!” It is now that I look down and see that the holes I was digging were in me and, I was the one screaming!!

I wake up to find myself back in my living room, where I had cried myself to sleep. I jump and run to the backdoor searching for my children. Relief fills my heart as I stand and watch my babies playing. It was all just a dream!!

Thank you, God, for all that you do.