Ramblings That You Didn’t Ask For

This morning, I think I’ll write myself to sleep to break away from the normal tear-filled routine.

Oh, but I’m so uninspired.

How can I be uninspired with so much going on?

Perhaps the sheer amount of negativity surrounding my psyche can’t easily be found inspirational or interesting.

It is, though, at least according to others.

There is a strike going on at my now-previous employer. I’d put in my notice a week prior. I like to think of it as some sort of premonition. Anyways, it’s still going strong, and it’s on the fourth day now. I hope their demands are met. As for me, I still have another job, I’m just taking a little time off.

I plan on taking an inexpensive trip at the beginning of June... something not too far away, but far enough. It’ll be a nice little reset.

Oh, and I know you didn’t ask, but I lost my apartment lately. That’s a whole story in and of itself. I’ll spare you the dramatics, or at least save them for another time... the moral of the story is this: Subleasing can be dangerous.

For now, and I can’t stress that part enough, I’m back with my family. It’s not something I want to adjust to. Don’t get me wrong, I love them... but if you’ve read some of my other stuff, you’d know there’s a lot that we don’t agree on. Also, I like having my own space. I need my own space, actually. This isn’t where I pictured myself at twenty-nine, that’s for sure.

The same time that the whole apartment ordeal happened, the person that I was dating decided it wasn’t a good time for us to be doing so. I, for once, agreed. I like to see that as growth on my part. We aren’t on bad terms or anything like that, and we still keep in touch, which is a whole new dimension for me.

During the Scorpio pink moon, which was shortly after all of this, I made moon water and charged my crystals. I’ve been really into manifestation lately.

Let’s see... what else is there?

My drinking got pretty out of control... again. I’ve been doing better over the past couple of weeks, though. It seems as though alcohol is my usual go-to when things get too intense. I wish I were better at facing things head-on.

Do I share too much? Maybe. But I don’t consider vulnerability to be a weakness...

Please excuse my bleeding heart.

Overall, my mental health has been pretty all-over-the-place lately. As fore-mentioned, I haven’t really been inspired, I haven’t really been motivated, I haven’t really been the me that I know I can be.

On the same tip, I’ve felt super alone lately. Have you ever felt like everyone you know is abandoning you? This happens to me every now and then... usually when I’m going through times like this. Sometimes, I know it’s my transparency that makes people take a step back, other times it’s all in my head. People are busy. People have lives.

Oh man, I can see the sun starting to rise...

I really wish this were some savvy, creative story, or even maybe a poem... but it’s not. It’s just me rambling because I can’t sleep, and because writing is one of the few things that is able to calm my looping, racing thoughts.

If you’ve made it this far, I really appreciate you taking the time to read it, and I hope you found my unrequested update at least mildly interesting.

Thank you for reading! ❤️