Purpose

What is it like to feel lost and alone and completely hopeless? How does it feel when you no longer know what your purpose is in life? Well, I can tell you. It feels like you're invisible, like nothing you do is noticed, even when it seems like you're giving it everything you've got and more.

For me, it started at the age of 14, when I was diagnosed with depression. From there, it spiraled downward until I couldn't remember which way was up. But what really threw me to the demons was postpartum depression at age 19, after my first son. Since then, I have continued to battle those demons in my mind, which have multiplied tremendously, every single day. I've lost many of those battles, but I've come out victorious too. Still, a day never passes where I feel like less of a hot mess and more like I've got myself together.

Those closest to me know that I am a hot mess in every aspect of my life, not just the mom department. I know what bad days, weeks, and months feel like. Hell, I know what bad years feel like. And sometimes it feels like I’m completely alone. Unfortunately, I know millions of other people know exactly what I’m talking about, from men to women, children to adults, rich to poor. It doesn't matter who you are - I would never wish that feeling of emptiness and loneliness on anyone, not even my worst enemies. No one should feel like they don't have a purpose in life, not even for a day - because that's all it takes. One bad day to send you spiraling down, down, down, until you, too, lose your sense of direction.

Regardless of what kind of day you’re having, just know that you matter and you are loved. There are so many people that care about you and your well being, even when it doesn’t seem that way. You are important. Sometimes all it takes is hearing it from someone new, someone from the outside, someone else who knows exactly what it's like to feel alone. If someone ever tells you differently or makes you feel otherwise, remove them from your life. Those kinds of people don't deserve your time or love, so don't waste your energy and any sense of well being you have left wondering if they're right. Hold on to the ones that pick you up when you fall and love you endlessly, all demons and darkness included.

If you are ever questioning your worth or purpose, think of someone that has been there for you in a time of need. Think of someone who has loved you through a dark time in your life. If that doesn’t help, think of me. I may not be able to do much, but I exist. I am a living, breathing human being with a voice and a deep understanding of what it’s like to feel broken and alone. And I am telling you, I care. If I could, I would take away the pain and heartache. But I can't, so please don't give up.

You and I woke up today. We are breathing and our hearts are beating. I know it’s hard, but we are here, right now, for a reason. We do serve a purpose in this life, and it’s up to us to discover that purpose on our own. I will always do my best if you do yours. Those who understand the deep feeling of hopelessness need to stick together and continue to lift each other up, because we're the only ones that can.