Psyche logo

Progression of Depresison

My Story

By Benjamin ReesePublished 6 years ago 3 min read

Every morning at 3:30 I reluctantly roll out of bed and take 150 milligrams of Zoloft, a prescribed anti-depressant that I've been on since the age of 12. Originally I had been prescribed it for anger issues. But throughout my physical development as a young man, the anger that derived from the chaotic environment I was surrounded by eventually morphed into depression. That depression has led me down paths in life that a 21-year-old shouldn't have had to go through. Lack of confidence topped with the fear of loss was more then a cloud above my head, but more so a noose around my neck. My anger was unstable. Every encounter with an individual would require an analysis of their character, and a thought on how to break them. Confrontation was comfortable.

I believe that in my pursuit of confrontation, I was avoiding the one thing I truly feared, which was being alone. In my outward expression of aggression and hostility, I was seeking attention from anyone I could get it from; regardless of the ramifications. I knew that the more time I spent making noise, the less time I'd have to spend in the peace and quiet. I feared the peace and quiet. The peace and quiet was when I had time to reflect. I hated reflecting. All I ever had in my head were times of loss and failure—painful memories I never wanted to confront again. So I raised hell in my youth. I was my own catalyst in my development as a man, and I got everything that came my way with my behavior.

I never acknowledged the idea of depression being a core factor in the downward spiral of my behavior. As I progressed through my teenage years, I began to see a therapist. I was humbled by the support and effort this man put towards me and my development as a human being. He helped me understand why I behaved the way I did, and what I could do to help myself. He suggested writing my thoughts down in journals just like any other therapist would. I took it with a grain of salt and put the thought on the back burners. Then I started to find myself alone a lot. Alone at home. Alone at school. Alone in my mind. This was around my time in college, when my anger had subsided drastically. I was as lost as could be without my anger. I felt numb and vulnerable. That vulnerability became sadness. I would cry randomly throughout the day for absolutely no reason. My anxiety was through the roof. My thoughts raced. There were times I felt that I had no cognitive control over my thoughts or emotions. I was scared.

If it wasn't for these mental breakdowns, I don't think I'd be writing this passage today. When my depression struck to the degree it does, I began to write about the experience I was having. I turned to a pen and paper to cope with my emotions and to try and understand why I was feeling the way I was. Now I have piles of journals under my bed filled with diaries of self-conscience satire. If it wasn't for my depression, I never would have picked up writing as a hobby. If I never picked up writing, I never would have perused my intellectual potential to the degree I have now. Because of depression, I now have goals and aspirations. I know that I will always struggle with depression until the day I die. At least I can say I'm making the best of my situation. Turning negatives to positives.


About the Creator

Benjamin Reese

My degree is in Communications with a focus on Journalism and a minor in Political Science.

Enjoyed the story?
Support the Creator.

Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.

Subscribe For Free

Reader insights


Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  2. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  3. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  4. On-point and relevant

    Writing reflected the title & theme

Add your insights

Comments (1)

  • Bruce m Houstonabout a year ago

    What a powerful message ben! And thank you for sharing your truth.

Benjamin ReeseWritten by Benjamin Reese

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.