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Warning: This story has some pretty heavy topics. Read at your own risk.

When I was 10 I found out I was a product of rape. She was abused from the age of 13, he only stopped after he discovered she was pregnant. She had me when she was 16.

It explained so much. The pain on her face when people told her “I look just like my father” The reason why she never talked about her childhood. Why she yelled “no” in her sleep.I reminded her on a daily basis of the two years of hell she went through.

I even look like him, in a certain light. I guess I should be thankful I inherited some of my grandmother’s features. She even named me after her. But I’m still 50% of the monster who raped my mother.

When I found out I cried for days. Wondering why she kept me in the first place. Wondering why she didn’t put me up for adoption or even abortion. Then I found out more. And I wasn’t prepared for what I heard.

No one believed her throughout her entire pregnancy, none of her family believed her. They called her a liar and a whore. Not even her own father. He refused to believe his best friend would do such a thing. But they didn’t want her to get an abortion because of religous beilfs. My mother is a lesiban. But the hate continued.

Not until she got a DNA test that said he was the father. Then she told her family to fuck off.

Once I found out what I was. My outlook on my life changed completely. I felt like I shouldn’t be alive, and that my Mother should’ve aborted me when she had the chance. I believed that my mother and the world would be better without me. I just didn’t want her to hurt anymore.

I thought about killing myself, thinking without me, my mother would be happier and free to do whatever she wanted. Even though she told me she loved me on a daily basis. She told me that I was her whole world and that I was her greatest creation. I just couldn’t believe her words.

I still felt like I didn’t deserve to live. There was a darkness in me that kept getting bigger and bigger. Like the ground was pulling me into place I couldn’t return from. I just didn’t feel human.

So I told my mother about my feelings towards my conception and my thoughts on ending my love for her own happiness.

My mother put me in therapy, I was skeptical at first.

But after a while, after talking about my feelings and thoughts on my life and the way I was conceived. I realized I was worthy of life and worthy of living a life with endless possibilities. That my Father’s actions don’t define who I am and what to do with my life. My life is my own and it’s precious.

I found peace.

To anyone who knows what it’s like to feel this way. Seek help if you need to talk to someone. Don’t let the dark thoughts get to you. Embrace the love and light of your glorious life. I promise you that one day you will find peace, love and joy.

You are worthy of living. You are worthy of love and happiness.

The way you were conceived does not control your life in any way whatsoever. You are you. Don’t let someone else’s horrible mistake define your precious life. You only live once.

Enjoy it.