I wake up and the need to put my thoughts in order construes to the blank sheet of paper that’s right in front of me. How can I determine how I feel in words that can only explain so much but explain everything at the same time? It’s like the meaning of love, an easy thing to get into that can bring you a sense of belonging and peace. I enjoy writing about mental illness because it’s what I experience. It’s a matter that is controversial to society but internally devastating to someone experiencing it. My experience was like no other when I was going through it. It was like my mind took over my entire being and controlled everything I thought and said. It’s not something that I feel is necessary to be judged by. It’s not something that should be poked by blame for. It’s something that should be seen like any kind of disease. It’s like having a tumor in the brain, you take medication to devour it, to shrink the mass that is holding back the person’s ability to function correctly. It just occurs relentlessly and freely in the mind. Where no one knows how it occurs or why. But it is an experience like no other and perhaps its partially psychological because its unique to the persons experience in life. However, it is still unknowingly occurring in good people. The mind is not who you are, it is like a navigating device determining, analyzing, and experiencing who you want to be. When I journal, it brings me a sense of eye-opening experiences because not everything I think and feel makes sense. That’s the downside to having schizophrenia it injures the mind and makes everything you experience seem hindering. I can have a thought that I’m worthless and the voices take over and I get the choice to agree. Yet, sometimes I don’t even know why I think this way. It isn’t something that I’ve done or said that has allowed me to go down the path of self-destruction. But rather a feeling of worthlessness. Where does this feeling come from? I think it comes from the chemical imbalance in my brain that is disturbing the chemicals that allow me to feel the right way. You see it’s all a science and not a spiritual disconnection with god. It should not be stigmatized. It is something I have to deal with on a regular basis because there has been more stigmatizing then trying to find answers to what is happening in the mind. It has to be more than a chemical imbalance because there are people who take up to ten medications and still, they hallucinate and hear voices that disturb their everyday life. It’s easy to think the intrusive thoughts that happen in my mind are something that is real because everything you experience in your consciousness is created in your subconscious. Everything that occurs In your mind is the experience you face in life. So, at first you can’t help but believe it’s all true. But with care and wisdom you realize its one experience you face in life and don’t have to make it your reality even though its disturbing. I don’t wish this illness on anyone it is hard to come out of when it’s something you face every day not knowing when the voices will occur or when you’re going to hallucinate. With great support and medication, you can choose to believe it Is just a disease that is medical and physical. Although there are still people out there who believe it’s a spiritual occurrence and that is easy to believe, its only detrimental to the person experiencing this to believe that. The reason is because it’s easy to feel like you’re being punished by something beyond you. Believing that will cause a feeling of not wanting to exist. So, with great care I want to illustrate that it’s important to realize it is a brain disease and nothing more that brings me too a sense of peace and realization.
About the Creator
Cerina Galvan
I’m an active writer who dreams of writing tales that inspire people.
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How to make sense of schizophrenia and psychosis
From experience, I would say psychosis is a way of making sense of the world in our own way. It is more than just a mental disease. It can be dark and unusual to many people, but to the person experiencing it, it is more so a challenge a mere illusion and battle with the nature of societal expectations of reality. To me, normal life is quite evil and tricky. At least, what people who perceive normal entails it to be. Yet, everyone experiences their own realities in a way that makes sense to them. For me, my psychosis makes sense to me. Although it can be hard to deal with since it is different from the norm, it entails a story that is quite beautiful. Comparing it to the real world it can be eccentric and completely unique to itself. Honestly, I believe people are programmed to act a certain way and believe a certain way for the benefit of societal control. An example of this is our bodies, I'm not trying to say our bodies shouldn't be nourished, they should be, and health is a major factor in the reasoning of the existence of psychosis. I believe and I have yet to find factual evidence on this, but I think the negative connotation in our minds is connected to our malnourished body, the toxic energy we are given from foods like outside chemicals effects our entire being. However, I believe that psychosis can be a positive notion in our minds as long as we feed it positivity and recreate a world that can be seen as wonderful. If my world is different from yours, that doesn't mean I'm psychotic it means my values and views are different from yours and what kind of world would we be living in if we all thought the same, a boring a pointless one. We are all just trying to make sense of our lives. In the words of Professor Fletcher at Gresham College, he states that the brain is striving to make sense of the world, confess a ready-made tendency to deviate from reality and to create its own world. For me, the world we live in is quite evil and the world I tend to live inside my head is a lot more beautiful. We have perceptions of the world that makes sense of the sensory electrical signals from heat, light, and force. Professor Fletcher from Gresham College said, “We are direct recipients of reality we are decoding the signals we receive”. So, in this statement he is saying that our psychology has a message for us trying to make sense of the life around us. We associate our senses with the data our brain is receiving, what we have already known and learned. A lot of which we hold onto are traumatizing events in the past. Because it impacts a lasting impact on our feelings, Maya Angelou said “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. An example I experience with psychosis is hearing my mom say she hates me even though she never said that. It’s a feeling perceived by thought through my sense from what I’ve learned about and felt in the past. I have yet to heal from my hyper-sensitivity stages. This is not to say my mom didn’t do her best at trying to raise me, she did her best at what she knew. It is that my own perceptions of the world is different and highly sensitive toward the actions of others and what I’ve learned from them.
By Cerina Galvan3 years ago in Psyche
Toxic
Toxic. A single word that evokes a spectrum of negativity, a suffocating feeling that drains the life out of interactions. It's a term often used casually, but the reality of a toxic relationship can be far more insidious and destructive. This exploration delves into the depths of toxic behavior, its various manifestations, and the path towards healing.
By Moharif Yuliantoabout 12 hours ago in Psyche
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