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Overcoming Myself

A Story About My Battle with Depression

By Katie Lynn HerrPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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Overcome yourself. Overcome Everything. 

Depression, self-harm, and thoughts of suicide are all issues that I've struggled with since I was in middle school. Being an outcast who was overweight wasn't exactly anyone's idea of fitting in. People made fun of me, called me names, put all these hurtful labels on me, and they tore me to pieces. They broke me completely.

It was really hard for me to live up to the expectations of my siblings. My sister was a cheerleader, and both my brothers were star athletes in school. All three of them were completely popular. Me, on the other hand, I was like the ugly duckling of the bunch. The black sheep of the family. Although I played sports, I was still just that overweight girl that nobody liked. I felt so alone. At school, at home, everywhere.

I thought about talking to an adult about how I’ve been bullied, and the one time I took it to an adult, all they said to the student bullying me was, “Be nice, and stop making fun of her.” Do you really think that is going to stop someone from bullying another student? ABSOLUTELY NOT! The second we walked out of the guidance counselor’s office, it just continued and the student once again called me “fatty.” After that, the bullying only got worse. This time, I really did feel all alone. I couldn’t take it to an adult again, because the first time I did that only made it worse, and naturally, I didn’t want to make it any worse then what it was.

Every day was a nightmare for me. I would dread waking up in the morning because I never wanted to go to school. It’s not supposed to be that way. You’re supposed to want to go to school. To have fun, make memories, and learn. All I wanted to do was erase every memory I had of this awful place, with all these awful, hurtful people.

There was one point in school, when I came home crying, went to my room, shut the door, sat in the dark, and just cried. I sat there as I wondered why this was happening to me. Why did all these people hate me so much? What did I ever do to them to deserve this kind of pain? All I wanted was for the pain to go away so badly. I couldn’t take it anymore. I took the knife to my wrist and...Well, you know the rest.

Sometimes we don't realize how much our words can actually hurt someone until it's too late, the damage is already done. The labels these people put on me are still stuck in my head to this day. It's always the negative things that people say about you, that you always remember and carry on with you for a lifetime.

It got even worse for me in high school, struggling through relationship issues with boyfriends, and friends. And still struggling with my weight and self-image. I had no self-esteem whatsoever. The depression has only gotten worse over the years, I just felt stuck not being able to find a career I like, not knowing what I want to do with my life, and not being where I want to in life. All of this just pushing me further into my depression and darkness.

I was deeply depressed, and honestly, I just felt like an empty shell of a person. Emotionless.

My only escape from the pain was continuing to harm myself with cutting. I have thought many times about suicide when I was deeply depressed. How I would do it, how I would finally end the pain and suffering. No one would miss me anyway. I would do everyone a favor if I was just gone. If I just disappeared from their lives. It would make everyone happier. Maybe I would pop some pills or even, step in front of a train, crash my car while driving, step in front of a moving vehicle or maybe hang myself….

… Those were the dark days of my life. The days I never want to return to.

When we struggle with these issues, we find it hard to admit that we have a problem. However, admitting I had a problem was my first step in overcoming myself and my problems.

Talking about it also helps me deal with the pain. I decided on my own, to talk to a doctor about my depression. He has helped me immensely.

The best therapy for me, however, is writing. Writing is an escape for me. It helps me to clear my head. It's my escape from reality. Writing about anything I want and just being myself. I write journals, screenplays, and novels. I hope to one day write a novel that is publish-worthy. My biggest dream, however, is to one day write a screenplay that becomes a movie.

I still struggle with my weight, and depression to this day, but I take it one day at a time. I use each day as an opportunity to make a change. I am still learning, but I am on a path that is leading me to where I want to be, back to the light. A path where I am learning to accept and love myself for who I am. Not letting labels define me.

depression
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About the Creator

Katie Lynn Herr

Writing is my passion, and a way for me to express myself. I love to read. I love listening to music, and watching movies. I love my dog Luna to the moon and back. Also, I love being an aunt to my two beautiful nieces Brinkley and Harper.

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