Overcoming Abuse Pt Two

People say that when your addicted to alcohol that they can quit anytime they want. Well I am living testament that in fact that is false. You see addiction grabs a hold of not only a persons mind but their heart and soul. As it did to many of the people I loved.

I have been through alcohol abuse myself. At seventeen I started drinking when I was with my ex boyfriend JP. It for me was the only way to cope with the entourage of emotions that were going through my young mind. At that time I did not know I had bipolar disorder. I wouldn't find that out until years later.

Growing up I was a pretty happy child. Sure I had some difficulties having epilepsy and faced a lot of challenges but overall I was happy . I grew up with siblings that although we didn't always see eye to eye , we had each others back. My parents who were loving and supportive yet firm and no nonsense when it came to me being in the wrong.

It wasn't until I hit the teenage years that i began to act out. Nobody knew why but i was depressed and angry. I carried secrets that deep down hurt me to the core. In part would be the focus of my drinking and my downfall.

Fast forward a few years past the bullying and hurt that i kept hidden for so long. I began to lose control. Spiraling downwards. JP had done all that he could do to berate me and torture me in ways that are still hard to talk about. I began to drink away the pain that was being afflicted. First it was just a few beers. Then when that wasn't enough vodka straight became my go to pain reliever of choice. Anything i could do to just make it all go away yet day after day it was still there. The hate and contempt in his voice . The strength of his hits and the constant threats of death . It was there , it was just as real as it had been before. Yet the worse was yet to come.

One day I had been fast asleep, again I was about five or six months pregnant with my daughter. I woke up to being hog tied , a pillow over my face while he punched me over and over again. To this day i believe his intent was clear. He didn't want our child and was angry that I would not have an abortion when he first told me to . Not ask, told. Luckily and by the grace of god my daughter was not harmed. She was born healthy and grew up in a loving home surrounded by people who were not abusive.

After I had my miracle baby my drinking became worse as i had wanted to raise her on my own but knew deep down I couldn't therefore giving her to a family that I felt was a good fit. A good family that to this day i am still friends with. I felt like I was a failure. So low on myself that everything just seemed impossible. At the time it was hopeless or so I had thought. And the more I drank the less things I cared about. I was so sure that if the alcohol didn't kill me then JP would. In the end I had hoped one of them would have,

Here I sit today twenty three years later and sober and happy because i didn't let JP win. I took back my power and never looked back. Now more than ever I still fight the urge to pick up a drink. What keeps me from doing that is the fact I don't need it. Never did. It was just a temporarily fix to a temporary situation.

My advice to everyone who is hurting is this.... Alcohol may seem like a solution but in the end it will cost you even more than just a temporary fix. Best thing to do when hurting. Confront it head on and just take it a day at a time. Never forget that the road you travel now although hard it is necessary to reach the great things you longed for. Never let the darkness overshadow your light .