Open Letter to My Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

You have been with me through thick and thin. Always by my side since day one. You hover close by on my good days and wrap me in your presence on bad days. I understand that you think you are trying to help me cope with the craziness of this world but I’m starting to feel smothered. I don’t need this constant attention and interference in my life. So from this day on, you are no longer going to control my decisions.

I am sick of the pain in my chest that paralyzes me with indecision and panic. I am done with your neediness, your obsession with me, and the toxic way you cut me off from following my dreams. I don't need to run everything by you and get your stamp of approval on "safe" decisions. I am not going to be tied to your idea of safe and secure anymore.

I am taking three steps forward after a lifetime of taking one step back. I am finally going to get some professional help. I know that leaving you behind will be hard. But I have my friends and my family to help me and support me through this. You will no longer get a say in my future, nor will you keep me confined to my past. I am moving on without you and you will just have to deal with it.

This is hands down the most toxic relationship I have ever had. You want to keep me trapped in this cycle of abuse by whispering doubts and worries into my ear. You would have me believe that I am a burden, unwanted and unloved by all but you. That I will never amount to anything without you. But now I see that these are lies that you invented to keep me running right back. I am starting to see that you are just not good for me.

While you might have done a good job of keeping me safe in the past, you are only hurting me now. You keep me from pursuing the things I want, from talking to the people that I want to talk to, and from trying new things. Listen Anxiety, I am just starting out in this world and I am trying to follow my dreams. I will not stand for your toxic self-doubt and crippling indecision anymore. This is my time to be confident and in control. For the first time in my life, I want to take the reins and run the show.

I am going to hold my head up high and rush forward. I know that it will hurt at first, but I also know that it needs to be done. So I like cut you out as fast as I can, like ripping off a band aid. I will ignore the pain in my chest and push down the waves of panic that you throw at me. I will defy your little whispers and I will never buy into your lies again.

Life is for living. Not for anxiety. I am taking a stand and cutting you out of my life. I know it won’t be easy but it’s the right decision for me. We might’ve had a good run while it lasted but I don’t think we have a future together. We really are just too different to make this work. So Anxiety, remember, it’s not me, it’s you.

Goodbye for good.

P.S. I don’t think we should try to be friends. It might be better if you lost my number all together.