On Being Bipolar

Hi, I'm bipolar.

It took me 5 years of being diagnosed to be able to say that. I used to adhere to the narrative of "I have bipolar disorder". But for me, that's not the case. I am bipolar.

Growing up, I suffered from an abusive familial situation (maybe I'll talk about that in a later post). I thought my insomnia, outbursts, self-harming, and rage stemmed from that. It did, in part. Mostly I just had a slew of undiagnosed mental illnesses. These include but are not limited to: OCD, PTSD, Bipolar 1, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, & Psychosis.

Needless to say, I'm the unpredictable friend.

All jokes aside, I've had to adapt my entire lifestyle to being Bipolar. I regulate so much more of my life than you could ever tell from the outside looking in due to this. It's a life-long project that has no deadline and that I have to constantly work on.

It makes my life hard. It makes the lives of everyone close to me hard. People chose every day to love me despite of this and for that I am thankful.

It's so easy to feel powerless when you're mentally ill. I'm here to tell you that you are not powerless. There are medications, there are therapists, psychiatrists, and patience within yourself.

These are the tips I have that have worked for me:

1. Take your medications.

It is SO easy to get comfortable on medication and feel you no longer need it. Maybe that will send you into mania, or possibly hypomania. You'll feel amazing. For a time, at least. I've been there. I've done that. It has taken me NUMEROUS times of dumping my medication down the sink to be fully aware that I do not want to be off of them.

2. Monitor your symptoms.

This is tedious. This is irritating. This is important. Create a mood journal. It can be as simple as a graph for Monday-Sunday every week. Fill in the graph 1-10 of how you feel. One being the lowest, possibly questioning your own life. If that's the case ask someone close to you for help. Call an emergency number. You're never above getting help.

Five can be feeling numb. You don't feel much of anything.

Ten can be manic. Absolutely out of this world ecstatic to be alive.

Create a graph for mood, anxiety, and so on. It will help. I promise.

3. Not to sound like a flower-child, but aromatherapy does help.

Get an essential oil diffuser. Lavender helps with stress. Mint to energize. Lemon promotes healthy breathing. Use lemon for breath work.

4. Know your triggers. Know your early warning signs.

Does going to loud, crowded places give you anxiety? Don't go. Learn to say no. Learn to listen to your body and mind. Do you have certain symptoms arise when you're about to have an episode? Learn to feel those out.

For me, before an episode I tend to be overly-sexual. I tend to feel as though I'm seeing things clearly for the first time. I'm reckless with my spending. I self-destruct from the inside of my close human circle outwards. I find everyone around me irritating.

5. Always have an emergency action plan.

Have someone you know you can turn to for help. A scent that makes you feel at home. An emergency number to call. A list of your medications and dosages. A hospital you feel comfortable going to.

Being mentally ill does not mean you're disabled. You are fully abled. You are loved even if you cannot see it. There are people out there willing and wanting to help you, even if you haven't found them yet.