On becoming in our modern times.

We live in tight shoes, tight mindsets, tight budgets. Always attempting to squeeze ourselves into something that doesn’t quite sit right. We morph and change and mould ourselves into who we ‘should’ be. Then, we become fretful and anxious, always worrying about maintaining this incongruous disposition. Pervasive self-deprecation seems to be the new trend, and if you are not continuously seeking to redefine and improve yourself, you are ostracised. From healing childhood trauma, becoming more confident, to changing addictive behaviour, the health & wellness industry is utterly capitalising on our deeply discontented modern lives & lack of truly compassionate leaders. Selective inclusivity rules, and we are encouraged to love & honour all that we are, unless of course that involves ‘bad’ and ‘negative’ traits, which must be cleansed from our system to allow us to be whole again.

It may seem as though I am highly critical and sceptical of self-development techniques. Please don’t misunderstand me though; I do believe many of them hold the power to drastically improve our stressed out, over-worked Western lives. Nor am I suggesting that we completely do away with self-analysis; rather, I propose that we morph this into more of a self-inquiry – gently approaching ourselves & all that we are with genuine curiosity. My predominant issue lies in how we approach these topics in our current times. It seems that every man and his dog has suddenly become a guru, and only they can help you know yourself. I mean, there’s a certain irony in having to take a course, worth thousands of dollars, just to be able to believe statements such as ‘I love myself’, ‘I am worthy’. Are we really that warped as a society, that we have lost the ability to find this truth within ourselves? Are we really so out of touch that we cannot ponder these intriguing topics without a step-by-step guide? How did we get here?

I do not pretend to have all the answers, however, it seems apparent to me that one factor leading to our current state is that we are relatively devoid of authentic, morally upstanding leaders within our communities. I am not referring to those in the political sphere – that is a can of worms for another time. Rather, most of us seem to lack someone within our circle, to whom we can turn to for sage advice. In times bygone, this humble guide was respected by King and beggar alike, an essential part of every social unit. Nowadays, we consult the internet, googling our problems and self-diagnosing our issues. This is no sound replacement for a wise elder. How can a ‘self-guided’ and ‘self-paced’ course, delivered by a soulless computer, possibly lead us into the depths of our souls? Not to mention the fact that this blanket approach assumes the path to be the same for all who participate in the course - no unique curves, no meandering - just the same, 20 page PowerPoint, with a set list of questions and answers. There is no room for creativity, to flow with our thoughts & ponderings, to run with different ideas. It is no wonder that we lack true spiritual, emotional & mental support, when our closest confidant is no more than a configuration of numbers and algorithms.

The absence of a kindly mentor further exacerbates another core issue, that which we have lost the art of grappling with ourselves. Without anyone to help shine the light for us, we are blindly groping around in the dark. We forget that all emotions on the spectrum are essential to our lives. Take, for instance, the rainbow; what would it be like if we took out the yellows, or blues? Good and bad emotions do not exist – all have their place on the continuum. Labelling them as such is dangerous territory that can lead us to berate our very core. The truth is, we get angry. We yell at our loved ones. We take our blessings for granted. But you know what – that’s okay. The beauty (and, I must admit, the most frustrating aspect) of life is that we do not know, what we do not know. Ignorance & naivety cannot be punished, for everyone is on their own unique timeline. There do exist some enlightened beings, who are able to hold the utmost compassion for themselves and all their fellow humans on earth. Meanwhile, us mere mortals still exist, plundering and gossiping and loving and grieving and celebrating our way through this tumultuous journey. And I think, rather than going to the nth degree analysing our ‘issues’, that we should step back and appreciate ourselves once in a while. Life can be hard. Life can be amazing. Life can be everything all at once. And we deserve to commend ourselves for that; we are still here, moving forward. The human spirit still prevails, and that, in itself, is a grandiose achievement.

This cause may be helped, if within ourselves, we redefine what perfection is, for this seems to be the ever-elusive state we are all aiming for. I don’t know about you, but for some reason the word ‘perfection’ conjures up a doll-like person, without a blemish in sight – physical, spiritual, mental or emotional. Perfection can be defined in two ways: ‘having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be’, and ‘absolute, complete’. Imagine, if you will, that we were to combine these explanations. That to be perfect is to hold within yourself all the qualities that make you feel whole – complete. One need not add more humility, nor subtract any fat. We would be content, simply with what we are. Pure acceptance of our whole self.

So, I propose something entirely radical. Put down those self-help books. Stop sucking in your belly. Don’t chastise yourself for indulging in a little bit of gossip. Ease up on analysing every little character flaw you possess & where it came from. We are here to feel, to experience it all – the full spectrum. We are here to dance and tango with every emotion possible. So, do just that. Feel, now. And the rest will sort itself out, I promise.