Oh! Look! More Mental Health Articles

10 PM, the bewitching hour for my d-bag of a depression to rear its ugly head. I am in a major mood funk and it is only exaggerated by a wonderful visit from the dreaded "Aunt Irma."

I know it sounds like I am a bit of a wimp when it comes to my periods. My pain threshold is generally pretty brutal and I managed to beat down labour. Since then, I have struggled with my periods and ovulation pains for which I am on a form of a medication called Mefenamic Acid. So there are a few days of pain for about a week to ten days, courtesy of an irregular cycle. I can never tell when that is going to be. When the day hits, I need a large selection of "ladies accessories," doubling up on towels and tampons. As you can imagine, it's a heavy bleed and so I am medicated on something called '"Tranexamic Acid" to try to encourage clotting.

Sorry, late warning for the "Too much information." It's natural but mine does sometimes feel extreme.

So, where does this tie in with the 10 PM and the depression? It's just a typical listing of my medications as I am also medicated for depression, anxiety, and psychosis.

Like a lot of people, I had emotional problems growing. They were my own and I won't bore with the details and I have my reasons for my struggles. It wasn't until when I had my eldest monkey I was introduced to the world of post-natal depression. Once the second monkey entered the world, I had a "psychosis," resulting in hearing voices.

Not one to outdo even myself, I had a bit of a "break" when littlest monkey arrived five weeks early over the Christmas period. With the two eldest at home, I lost myself a little bit. So now for the past five years, I have been medicated with a little thing called Fluoxetine and Pericyazine.

Five years later, I go day to day working in a pub, for my sins. I do pride myself that regardless of all my problems, I look after my customers and maintain a smile. In fact, being there is a therapy for me. Tonight and last night are nights off and I have a brain that never stops. I have a want and need to do so much yet I can never finish things.

Still the smile sails on. At home, that mask dropped. Still, I have things I want to do.

So right now, motivation is at a loss. Constant pain and no means of relaxing or moving towards any of my goals, I have a cloud. I am disappointed in myself, a general feeling of being the overall disappointment and for that, I hate myself. That feeling never really goes away, even with my biggest smile.

The world needs to embrace everyone. We need to accept and help each and everyone as they go through their lives.

No medications have left me too vulnerable. I have been weakened and shaken by the very world as the harsh realities of people's opinions weigh on the burdened shoulders.

Mental health problems hold a very harsh turmoil and whilst we smile, inside we cry. When we laugh, we silently cry to ourselves whilst wanting others to not worry about us, to make sure they don't feel as lonely as we do right now.

All I feel right now is lonely, a constant lump in my throat and sickness all over that is not shaking. Comfort eating does nothing, yet conversely not eating just leaves us lethargic. It's a no win situation but God help us we keep going anyways.