off my damn chest

So this is my first story or i guess first time telling a descriptive story about me. Id like to say first thank you for clicking my damn story. i know these are hard times even more now because of the virus and our financial situations. this story is about my life and im taking us back to the earliest memory i have .

My name is Michael I come from a family of 10. Of my earliest memory i can remember that almost moldy dust like smell walking into basement of my house. i was about 8 years old or maybe even 7 when that happened because my dad and my mother bought it because we needed a much bigger one since our family was so big.

I have 6 sisters and 2 brothers not to mention my parents as well. The oldest sister did not live with us due to the fact she didn't come from mom. my dad met a woman before my mom and what do you know she was born and in fact the first child my dad had. there are about 3 problems with this however. first one is my dad didn't even end up telling us about her until i was about 17. second one is that she does not know that me and all my other siblings exist because my dad and her family made a agreement about that and i have a pretty good idea why. Last but not least the third problem is we are not allowed to attempt to make contact with her which really is ridiculous on all levels.

The rest.. well we all lived together in that house for years to come and they were very bitter.

my childhood was never like most kids at all not even close. i low key always feel guilty talking about it because i know definitely other people have had it way worst then me. however this needs to come out and i feel like expressing this story externally will hopefully put my mind at ease even if its just a little.

My family's life style was very strict and absolute in a roman catholic and insane way. my dad was and is a fanatic about it to the max almost.

He would hit, smack , shout, scream , choke , whip us if we didn't obey his wishes . when he yelled right at your face you can feel the heat , smell , and anger he would have. His breath smelled like bud light lime just like his spit would when you wipe it from your own fragile face as your legs shake and your beats as hard and fast as rock skips forever on a river.

he was a very frustrated man for reasons i both understood and didn't. all i wanted was to be myself but i never could due to the fact of him and my family.

dont get me wrong i love my family even though...even though all they've done was abused , lied , and just down right given me both physical and mental problems like extreme PTSD.

we were definitely a fucked up family and still are to this day. i was the black sheep of the family most definitely ... and i got the worst of it all.