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Nothing can stop me.

by Vicky 4 days ago in anxiety

Not even a Pandemic.

Nothing can stop me.
Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

2020 was an awful year for everyone, no doubt. Even though I did not care much for being at home most of the time - I am an introvert so I enjoyed the limited social interactions - the WFH, the constant messaging and video chatting, and the fact that there were almost no plans you could make to look forward to did took a tool on my mental health.

By May, I had decided no Pandemic was goint to stop me from living my life, so I moved closer to the beach, I bought a bike, and started a new chapter or so I thought.

For a while, everything was great. I was going to the beach on the weekends, I was busy decorating my new apartment, designing my pantry and learning new recipes. But my social life was inexistent. I am not the one to call and catch up with people and before I never had to, I was always surrounded by people and that was more than enough for my introverted self, but suddenly most of the chatting was with the people I worked with, and since I worked with my family and my partner, every single conversation, one way or another, had to do with this particular topic and I started to get burned out.

By August, I was paralized. I started to avoid everyone I worked with, and since that included my family, my partner and some of my closest friends, I kept mostly to myself, but not without a good amount of guilt. And we all know I can be my worst critic so soon enough it got pretty intense, and the constant chatter in my mind would not let me sleep, or work, and the list of "To Do's" kept growing so there was no time for the beach or to exercise, even though I was not really doing much or anything at all since I was spending most of my time distracting myself from my own thoughts.

So I quit. I was certain, this was going to fix everything. I need my family, my friends and my partner to be just that, so without the job in the middle, everything was going to be just fine. So I quit my job, I got a therapist, and I was going to focus on myself and my relationships, I was going to go to the beach and live one day at a time. And I did. And it worked.

By October, I was a new person. I went on vacation to the most magical place in the world, I started a new job, I was journaling, learning new things, I was winning at therapy, everything seemed great. I even managed to continue with our Halloween tradition of going to Universal Studios for their Halloween Horror Nights (or "days" in this case) and I had plans to visit the parks again for Thanksgiving. Everything was working according to plan.

And then I got anxious...

Read next: Never In the Cover of Night

I am a serial researcher, I am interested in anything and everything, and I cannot just read a little bit about it. I go knee deep into things and sometimes it has life-altering consequences.

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