Narcissistic Nests

Let's discuss some very important components of this interesting phenomenon; Narcissistic Nests; a new term for the Narcissistic Family.

Which, has been something we have seen an overhwelming amount of coverage in media as of late. Some might even say, a bit of a frenzy.

Let's start with the bizarre case of Gabby Petito and her fiancé, Brian Laundrie. Gabby was reported missing after her family in New York had not heard from her in a while on September 11th, 2021.

Gabby's fiancé, Brian returned home to North Port, Florida without her ten days before in the van the two of them had purchased together, but without Gabby. Days, later; Brian would be reported missing by his own parents; the Laundrie Family: who has produced quite a stir that has sprung protests in their front yard from concerned citizens who all want to see #JusticeForGabby, but this week the intensive six-week hunt for Brian Laundrie who was later named a person of interest when Gabby's body was found and later autopsied with the cause of her death being homicide via strangulation.

Still, the Laundrie family seemed unmoved by the Petito family's pleas for assistance and information on what happened between their son and Gabby and when asked to assist seemed hesitant about doing so up until the day that a backpack with a notebook belonging to Brian was found in an area that his father led investigators to; not too far off from where they later found human remains that were confirmed to belong to Brian via dental records.

Since investigators have found the autopsy on Brian's remains was unable to give any insight into the cause of his death in The Carlton Reserve.

Many theories have now sprung up as to how the remains got there but the area was underwater making it nearly impossible to search due to flooding for weeks and only once the waters began to recede were Brian's remains able to be found. But what does seem strange is how the Laundries are still seeking to remain silent and how sad the Petito family must be with the possibility of never knowing exactly what happened the day their daughter died nor why Brian and the Laundries felt the need to avoid them; leaving more questions than answers. Some of which will likely never be answered at all.

In the wake of this, many people are asking if Brian was a malignant narcissist due to the indicative behaviors that lead up to his leaving Gabby to return to Florida without her in her van. And the police involvement that occurred between Brian and Gabby due to a domestic dispute in the days leading up to her death also leave a shadow of ill-intent over Brian's actions and certainly make one question what his family was thinking with taking him to a Natural Reserve when his fiancé was missing never to be found alive.

This clues us to the possibility of the Laundrie family trying to cover up their son's actions and possible aid and abet them with fleeing with a head start to get away from the investigation regarding Gabby Petito's murder and has some wondering if Brian was not the product of his raising within a Narcissistic Nest.

While much speculation still exists, the odd and disturbing way this case has played out does give a good reason for the public to educate themselves on the phenomenon that is a Narcissistic Nest; a group or family of narcissists who support and enable their unified narcissism and toxic abuse.

Let's take a look at another example of this by shifting focus to the Spears Family, that is Britney Spears. We are all very aware and thankful that Britney's experience and poignant testimony regarding her mistreatment under the authority of the Spears Patriarch; Jamie Spears, and how she equated her invasion of privacy, being overworked, and gaslit to being human trafficked like a sex worker who was not having sex. Finally, after 13 years of abuse and toxicity by her father who exploited her and profited grossly off her success came to an end when her conservatorship was lifted and shifted to another person.

But since then, Jamie-Lynn Spears; the younger sister of Britney, who has had many public incidences of argument and toxicity with her relationship with Britney has recently come forward stating that when she became pregnant at sixteen her parents tried to coerce her into an abortion which she refused to perform. Now some people have who are still angry with Jamie-Lynn and feel she assisted and profited off Britney's abuse are victim-blaming her or shaming her for this without considering a very real truth about these types of families; it is a common tactic to instill fear and intimidate other family members into agreement and mistreatment of another and pitting siblings against one another is also done to cause a sense of division amongst the ranks and to show how the dominant narcissistic can cause the entire family to come down on a single individual with very traumatic results to the person who is in opposition to the unit's success; that is whoever jeopardizes the Narcissistic Nest.

So it is highly likely that Jamie-Lynn saw her elder powerful and beautiful sister fail to be protected and exploited by the people who were supposed to protect her most and being that Jamie-Lynn is younger, she was likely scared of the repercussions of going against the Narcissistic Nest's wishes, therefore, becoming an agent in Britney's misery so as to hopefully diminish some of her own, but that did not make her any less of a victim in the situation, and she is now facing a backlash of blame and polarization by the media which is exactly what happened to Britney when all of her truths began to come unglued but the difference was the public knew even less about these things and this is why it is crucial to learn the 12 Rules of a Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family as sourced from Psychology Today;

Unspoken Rules in the Narcissistic Family: Every Narcissistic Nest has unspoken rules of etiquette that influence the engagement among members of the nest, they are typically:

1. Acceptance Is Conditional.

To gain acceptance, children must comply with the family narrative and value system. Expressions of difference are rejected and pathologized.

2. Submission Is Required

Everyone is expected to submit to the dominant narcissist’s authority, no matter how ignorant, arbitrary, cruel, or destructive it is.

3. Someone Must Be Blamed for Problems

When something bad happens, from a lost job to a spilled glass of milk, someone must be blamed for it. Typically there is a family scapegoat who is made to bear the main burden of the family’s problems, frustration, and unhappiness, as well as the dominant narcissist’s projected self-loathing.

4. Vulnerability Is Dangerous

Mistakes, accidents, and weaknesses, even ones you take responsibility for, are causes for shaming treatment that can persist for years.

5. You Must Take Sides

Just as there is always blame and shame, there are always sides, and if you are not on the dominant narcissist’s side you are wrong. Children often feel forced to choose between parents, siblings, and other family members.

6. There Is Never Enough Love and Respect to Go Around

Renewable resources in healthy families, love, and respect are limited to the narcissist and whomever else is deemed worthy, usually a favored "golden" child. Respect for one person means disrespect for another.

7. Feelings Are Wrong

The feelings that make us human, help us connect and get our needs met, and protect us from harm are selfish and must be repressed. Only the narcissist has free rein to express feelings, have emotional reactions, and make demands.

8. Competition, Not Cooperation, Rules the Day

One-upmanship, favoritism, and constant comparison create a harshly competitive environment that undermines trust and breeds hostility and betrayal.

9. Appearances Are More Important Than Substance

Even if everyone is suffering, they must smile for the family photo.

10. Rage Is Normalized

Everyone is expected to swallow and endure the dominant narcissist’s irrational, explosive, and perhaps also violent rage. This may be magnified by other forms of mental illness and/or addiction.

11. Denial Is Rampant

To sustain the dominant narcissist’s control over the family, there is a denial of:

-abusive incidents.

-the continual atmosphere of fear.

-the ongoing mistreatment of the scapegoat.

-routine forms of neglect.

12. There Is No Safety

Although the scapegoat is targeted with the most abuse, everyone is on hyper-alert because no one is safe from blame and rage.

Adapted from The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free, by Julie L. Hall, Hachette Books

Regardless of what your opinion may be regarding The Laundrie family; Brian Laundrie and Gabby Petito or The Spears Family; Britney and Jamie-Lynn Spears, the importance is to learn about these toxic groups and persons so that one can adequately protect themselves from Narcissistic abusers.

Sadly, it usually starts at home.