My worst uni experience.

On this evening I was in my third and final year of uni, I was 21 years old and was having a particularly difficult time with my mental health. I was spending time with some friends from my course at the Student’s Union on campus, the group consisted of myself, my mature female friend whom I lived in a house share with, a mutual female friend of ours I wasn’t particularly close to, a male former course mate from the year prior and one of his male friends whom no one else knew. The five of us spent the evening drinking and chatting, having a really great time, and I was happy to escape my loneliness and avoid wallowing in depression for the night.

Things took a very strange turn at some point in the evening though. Now, imagine this: a fairly distant friend of yours, who also happens to be a mutual friend of many people you know, asks you to go to the bathroom with her. As a fellow female this isn’t at all unusual. But then, you’re sitting in the bathroom, about six beers in, getting well into the drunk phase and she places something under your nose and tells you to sniff. Hindsight is a cruel thing but how many of you in that situation would think twice about it? I was drunk, I was with someone I thought I could trust and I did not know that this person had any history of drugs. I’m sure you can see where this is going. I sniffed immediately before asking why. She had a key in her hand, held under my nose and she just said the word ‘coke’. It was already too late. She took some immediately after giving it to me, perhaps to reassure me that this wasn’t a terrible idea?

I had never done cocaine before, nor had I ever done an illegal drug harder than weed (that I’m aware of at least). I was also on antidepressants that I shouldn’t even have been drinking on, so, as you can imagine, the night went downhill from there. My housemate at the time found out from the cocaine friend what had happened and ended up leaving us, without telling me. Not long after that, the cocaine friend followed her to make amends for being irresponsible and deceptive, also leaving us. This very abruptly left me with the two guys, one I knew a little from my course the year before and the other I met for the first time that night. It's difficult for me to understand why my friend and house mate would leave me at this time. I know I am my own person and I am responsible for myself but it's incredibly irresponsible to leave a so called 'friend' in that situation.

It is also important to note that this guy I didn’t know had been the only one not drinking alcohol at all that night. He had literally been drinking J2Os all night, he was completely sober.

Soon after the other two left, we three agreed to leave but I soon realised that I did not have any keys, as I was to go home with my housemate, and it was too late in the night to get a train to my mother’s house a few cities over. These two guys lived in the same house share together not far from the Student’s Union so they offered me a place to sleep for the night. This conversation was very hazy at this point but of course I was grateful; I had nowhere else to go. Unfortunately though, soon after getting to the house my ex course mate left to get something from his room and ended up passing out and leaving me alone with this sober new guy.

Much of the rest of the night is a blur to me to be honest but I know I spent the night in his bed and I woke up in the morning in a strange room, our clothes on the floor. I vividly remember brief but specific parts of the night, I know how far things went. I managed to sneak out of his room, was violently sick in their toilet and stumbled out of their house, devastated. I had lost my house keys, my bank card and a sock. I had been taken advantage of by my so called friend and a strange sober guy who could clearly see that I was in no position to do anything in my drunken, high state.

It was difficult for me to realise that I was taken advantage of for a while because I cannot say for sure that I did not consent to the sex; I certainly didn’t consent to the cocaine however; I was never given the chance to. But I realised after speaking to some people that being in such a drunk state and on drugs should have been a clear ‘no’ to any decent person. No one should ever look at a person in the state I was in and think it’s appropriate to consider that as an invitation, especially when you are sober enough to make rational decisions.

I am grateful that I can finally stop blaming myself for what happened and share my experience with others. It is easy to lower your guard at uni, particularly when you are focused on meeting new people and having a good time. Be careful, stay sensible and do not abandon your friends, especially when they are vulnerable.