My Relationship With CBT Essay

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CBT Neil Fluke (HAL)

“Take from no man his song” – Sheldon. B. Kopp

In this essay I will attempt to portray what I perceive as a life or death relationship with my mind; essentially, my thought life. In doing so I hope to illuminate the intrinsic relationship I also have with a CBT based programme (which until recently I failed to identify as elementally CBT) that continues to help me to recover from alcoholic addiction. In doing so, I would also like to inspire appreciation of Korzybski ‘s observation that “The map is not the territory”. To assist in the intimacy that I feel is necessary for us to explore this, I use a metaphor - (HAL, a computer), for my addictive mind (egoic self).

Having spent some time reflecting on what it is to have some kind of relationship with a therapeutic strategy I ask myself, “am I more than an algorithmic ‘computer mind’ programme like Stanley Kubrick’s HAL 9000 onboard life support computer in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey?” And what exactly are “these experiences (that) become represented through language, signs, signals and meanings”? F. Barton Evans III (2006, p.62). I now draw a comparison with the conversation I often have with myself and the following dialogue from the film:

Interviewer: “Good afternoon HAL, how is everything going?”

HAL: Good afternoon.... Everything is going extremely well.”

Now whether or not everything is actually ‘going extremely well’ for me may be entirely academic if it were not for ‘awareness’ which Gayle Rossellini (1985, p.17) says is “The first and most important step to clear thinking...” To me, clear thinking corresponds to being in touch with feelings, something that Emotions Anonymous (2019, P.71) emphasises when they say that “Our lives are being transformed as we grow in self awareness”. This awareness of emotion is explored later on in the film when a crew member responds to an interviewer’s question about HAL’s ability to feel:

Dave Bowman (crewmember) : Well, he acts like he has genuine emotions.... But as to whether he has real feelings is something I don't think anyone can truthfully answer. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062622/characters/nm0706937 (Accessed: 10/3/22)

Branch & Willson enlarge on this when they explore ‘Emotional Reasoning”, and tell us that “Feelings Aren’t Facts” (2010 p.26). Thereby, it appears that I may apply cognitive interpretation, meaning and beliefs that “do not necessarily reflect the reality of a situation”, Simmons (2010, p.117). This, for me, is where the rubber really hits the road! For over 20 years of recovering from addiction, I have seen my mind – my thoughts, my beliefs and even my feelings –all of which can fool me; as the enemy. An entity. This enemy has been countered with the tools of a recovery programme which draws partially on a technique which Simmons & Griffiths (2010, p.179) describes as “symbolism of ‘friend’ and ‘enemy’ (to) create a useful distance between the person and their problem, which can make it easier to reflect on”. Until recently, I have felt this as akin to “sleeping with the enemy” and a paradox in the making.

We now return to our ‘friend’ HAL to ask, “Did HAL commit murder?” Why this question? Because in the film, HAL, the seemingly benevolent entity, disconnected the life support systems to crewmembers. Referring to a mistake HAL made, Kubrick gave a quote which stated HAL “had an acute emotional crisis because he could not accept evidence of his own fallibility.” https://www.looper.com/163074/hal-in-2001-a-space-odyssey-explained/ (Accessed: 10/3/22) Now, In my recovery circles I have heard it said by someone that they felt their “mind would have killed their body but it needed it for transportation”. To unpack what I mean by this, Dennett helps us here when he proffers the following from the Cambridge Dictionary of Philosophy, 1995 which says, ‘....culpable mental states are of three kinds: they are either motivational states of purpose, cognitive states of belief, or the non-mental state of negligence. He goes on to say that “Another price we pay for higher-order intentionality is the opportunity for duplicity, which comes in two flavours: ‘self deception and other-deception’. “https://getpocket.com/explore/item/did-hal-commit-murder?utm_source=pocket-newtab-global-en-GB (Accessed: 10/3/22)

While we hold ‘self deception and other-deception’ for a moment, once more, from the film, an interviewer observes that, “....when I asked (HAL) about his abilities, I sensed a certain pride in his answer about his accuracy and perfection. Again, I relate to my thought, self-will and my ‘egoic’ mind’s prideful propensity for perfection. ‘Perfect is the enemy of good’ as Voltaire remarked. An aphorism that suggests I am at times indeed, ‘my own worst enemy’. They say that ‘addiction is a disease that will tell you that you don’t have it’ and the impact, if I conceal my true feelings by ‘self and other-deception’ and believe and act on certain thoughts, may be dire. So after countless painful relapsing addictive cycles, I got myself into treatment.

So what would it look like if HAL came to therapy? Where would HAL find himself on the CBT ‘cycle of change’? Whereas I currently see myself on a maintenance and growth stage, would HAL instead, find himself precontemplative? And what could motivate him to change? In my case, the saving grace was emotional pain. Yet with HAL’s mind, where would this motion come from? Simmons and Griffiths (2010 p.172) define motivation as “the incentive or drive to do whatever is necessary to achieve the required goals”. Would this be music to HAL’s ears? Would HAL respond well to this aspect of CBT? You’d think so. Now my goal when I got to therapy was quite simply to gain ‘peace of mind’ yet I couldn’t separate my thoughts from my feelings which are a prerequisite for CBT. But my mind was still working and I could at least, continue to think.

So I latched on to a gamut of inspirational recovery proverbs that kept nudging my mind “to keep reaching for (my) goals” Branch & Willson (2010 p.115). An endless procession of “Keep it in the day”, “First things first” and “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change” quotes mantrasized in my mind. I dared not look to my own thinking for the answers. When faced with crisis and adversity even Jesus turned to His scripture when, alone in the wilderness He answered the devil by saying “It is written.....” Luke 4:13 (2019, p.1589).

Now Sue Cox (2021, p.9) claims in regards to the addictive drive ...”that it is NOT possible to change that fundamental wiring.... (and) not to pursue illusions”. Put succinctly I believe my CBT styled ‘trigger’ is my innate dopamine fuelled drive for acquisition. An innate neural trigger that would set up an addictive cycle in me! A negative maintenance pathway of relapse: Typically, thinking “I feel fine, I can drink now”, believing the thought, acting on it and then experiencing the feelings of guilt, remorse and shame that drove demanding thoughts and compulsions to use again and again in unbroken cycles.

In order to avoid this ‘self and other deception’, I needed to learn how to discern ‘truth’ and in treatment, this came to me in the form of Glasser’s Reality Therapy. Based on his Choice Theory, this approach helped me to explore my maladaptive cycles of thinking and behaviour. Burnard (2005, p.42) indicates that “...the cognitive-behavioural approach..... is one of challenging and confronting the client’s belief system” so I learned to construct a written reality base – providing black and white “truth” that my egoic mind couldn’t squirm out of so easily. And the truth for me in present day recovery continues to reveal itself through a four column inventory worksheet. In this case, for example, we begin with a feeling such as ‘resentment’. The cycle of resentment is illuminated by identifying the initial “blame lie” activating trigger, the corresponding cognitive distortions , portraying the beliefs and roles, untangling the loops to see the parts of the psyche that is being threatened and how these ego roles perpetuated out of the ego’s own fear of the death of its own defence structure!

This tentatively brings me back to how I have related to HAL as an egoic entity, within my mind. Again, I ask “Can I trust it, dare I believe it?” Clarke sheds some light on this when he writes about what it is like to be HAL in the movie: “He was only aware of the conflict that was slowly destroying his integrity — the conflict between truth, and concealment of truth. He had begun to make mistakes, although, like a neurotic who could not observe his own symptoms, he would have denied it.” In the film, the crew decided to attempt to disconnect HAL (without telling him) because he had made a mistake and endangered their survival.

Yeah ok HAL. I’ve tried the ‘disconnecting and ignoring you strategy’ but I have found that what I ‘resist will persist’ and ‘the more I deny you the stronger you get’. So for me now it’s more about leaning into fear. My fear that if I make a mistake I will be seen as incompetent; that there’s something wrong with me that is shameful and I’m no good. Dr. Judy says that the fear of the core belief it is often more debilitating than its content, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-2WQF3SWwo&list=PLGSitN3VKwqcJq-ce0Zt6OdtqZBNQz8Hd&index=7&t=19s (Accessed: 10/3/22) and if I try and deny or use what Simmons & Griffiths (2010, p.144) describe as ‘thought stopping’, I have discovered truth in their statement that “it can increase avoidance and fear of the intrusive thought”. Ah well HAL, it looks as if we’re in it for the long run. Now that I’ve named you and unmasked a measure of how you operate I guess I’ll be accommodating you – there’s ‘room at the inn’ so to speak, and our journey together continues....

As I write this I find my relationship softening with HAL. Like a return to love in the vein of Jung who said “We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the path of life”, something explored by Irons and Beaumont (2017, p.303) who talk about bringing “Understanding and .... compassion to our multiple selves”. Referring to Compassionate Mind Training they also say that “we did not choose to have a brain that could get caught up in loops” (2017, p13). This is part of the 3rd and 4th waves of CBT that link well here with approaches such as ACT, Mindfullness and Spiritually Informed Meaning. And where I once saw CBT as an objective tool; cold harsh and remote - I now see its subjective potential to draw out strengths and qualities such as honesty, dignity, forgiveness, gratitude and hope.

So from a position where I have unknowingly used CBT approaches for relapse prevention that helped me “to identify the situations that are likely to evoke a lapse” McLeod (2013, p.157) and whereby I aligned with an ill-disposed attitude to HAL, a more sympathetic relationship has evolved. I now see CBT this way too; with one coda; a reductionism caution. I believe Aristotle who may have said, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts”. And while this alludes to something common to all mankind and tempers my relationship with CBT as it touches on “Sullivan’s most elegant postulate...in which he states, “everyone is much more simply human than otherwise” F. Barton Evans III (2006, p.60), I studiously find myself asking, “could CBT rob someone of their journey?”

So I have to admit to personal reservations in that on some occasions CBT as a stand-alone therapy may just be ‘patching up’ the surface cognition based ‘symptoms’ only, while the underlying traumas for example , may remain intact. As Jung observes, “neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering” and to “beware of unearned wisdom”, so Victor Gollancz expands when he comments that “To shirk pain, bearable pain, altogether is....to be less real...it is to play only such notes as one chooses in the universal symphony, which is a symphony of suffering as well as joy” Haddon (1992, Feb.10th). Yalom (2017, p.222) also gets in on the act here with an intuition that describes clinicians in psychotherapy witnessing a purported evidence base as “proving” that CBT delivers results quickly. He then states that, “In their guts they know this is wrong, they suspect the presence of smoke and mirrors, but (are) waiting for the nightmare to pass” (2017, p.223).

My personal conclusion is that ‘the mind goes where the attention goes’ and perhaps all CBT does is to train the mind in a positive direction – yet for myself at least, I caution not to worship the mind; to not make it my God. Hartley Coleridge, who had his own journey with addiction, puts it more elegantly when he imagines that “...in dark woods, the wandering little one may find a primrose. Thus the better mind puts forth some flowers, escaped from paradise....”

Here, now, are ours:

HAL: I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. (Who am I? Why am I here?) and I want to help you.

Me: Do you know HAL, with the greatest respect; I really believe that you believe that you do.

Word Count: 2,200.

Books:

McLeod, J. (2013) An Introduction to Counselling: Open University Press

Haddon, C. (1992) The Yearbook of Courage & Serenity: BCA

Stanley, Charles F. Life Principles Bible: Thomas Nelson

Yalom, Irvin D. (2017) The Gift of Therapy: Harper Perrenial

Irons, Chris. & Beaumont,Elaine. 2017 The Compassionate Mind Workbook: Robinson

Burnard, Philip. (2005) Counselling Skills for Health Professionals: Nelson Thornes

Emotions Anonymous. (2019): EAIS

Rosellini, Gayle. (1985) Stinking Thinking: Hazelden

Cox, Sue. (2021) The Hidden Super Power of Addiction: The Cloister House Press

Barton Evans III, F. (2006) Harry Stack Sullivan: Routledge

Simmons, Jane. & Griffiths, Rachel. (2010) CBT for Beginners: Sage

Branch, Rhena. & Willson, Rob. (2010) CBT for Dummies: Wiley

Websites:

10 March 2022, Youtube, What a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Session Looks Like (2019) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-2WQF3SWwo&list=PLGSitN3VKwqcJq-ce0Zt6OdtqZBNQz8Hd&index=7&t=19s

10 March 2022, 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) Douglas Rain: HAL9000 https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062622/characters/nm0706937

10 March 2022, HAL In 2001: A Space Odyssey Explained: Claire Mulkerin/Updated: Feb. 8, 2022 https://www.looper.com/163074/hal-in-2001-a-space-odyssey-explained/

10 March 2022, Did HAL Commit Murder? Dennet & Stork https://getpocket.com/explore/item/did-hal-commit-murder?utm_source=pocket-newtab-global-en-GB