my mental health & Covid

Recently, I had the unfortunate pleasure of testing positive for good ol' Covid (I'm currently fine and am back at it with normal life). However, I live with someone who lies within the "higher risk" category, so I went straight for the extreme solution. I packed up some of my things and went off into our guest bedroom where I would stay for ten days. During my isolation, I had A LOT of time for eating, sleeping, binging TV, and many other mundane activities. The one thing that I did the most though was think.

As someone who has anxiety and depression, this is one of the worst things you can do. Not to say that I don't let my mind wander, but things can easily go awry when you're bored, physically sick, and have zero interaction with human life. Whether it's right or wrong, I also don't have expectations of people. Maybe it's because my mother raised me to have a strong sense of independence and I just took it to a whole other level. Either way I don't expect people to go out of their way to help or contact me.

Moving onto the fourth day of my quarantine, I had finished yet another season of Sailor Moon when my phone started going off. It was my manager at my day job checking in on me to see if my body aches and chills have improved at all. This was an act of kindness that I didn't expect at all (she did this two other times during my time away). After speaking with her for a little on the phone I received another notification. One of my co workers texted me how much they missed me and expressed their concerns for my health. Even though it was a small gesture it brought a warmth to my emotional state, as I was somewhat struggling at this point. My best friend in Nashville also told me to call her anytime, so that I wouldn't feel lonely during total isolation. My roomie even bought me Sudoku's, sushi, and a magazine full of crossword puzzles that she slid under the door.

All of these unexpected acts of kindness were so overwhelming and very much appreciated. Not gonna lie, my faith in humanity was definitely fading during this time too when I watched the rioters storming into the Capitol on live television and having people being so viscous on social media regarding the upcoming inauguration. However, just because the media shines the light on the negative doesn't mean there aren't millions of wonderful individuals who do selfless acts for others.

One of my biggest fears during this time too was how people would react when I returned to my job and everyday living. Would they be scared or anxious around me knowing that I had Covid? Would they distance themselves away over time? These questions that rattled my brain throughout my entire isolation were immediately diminished when one of my co workers ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug when I walked in. As my first shift back progressed, one employe after the other came up to me with open arms when they realized I was back. Not only was it relieving to realize that people were happy to have me back, but that they were comfortable enough to ask me what my experience was like. People wanted to know what my symptoms were, how long it took to get pass the worst of it all, if I had any idea of where I got it, and so much more.

When my shift was over, I took the long way home through the city in my car with some of my favorite music playing and the windows down (one of the biggest things I missed while in quarantine). After parking into our driveway and walking through the door, my roomie asked me if I wanted to re-watch a Korean drama on Netflix with pure excitement. I was immediately on board and we even made veggie dumplings for dinner to go with the occasion. As we binged through the first few episodes while stuffing our faces, she looked at me and said "I really missed this". It was at this point that I realized that this event wasn't just affecting me, but the ones who cared about me.

Even though I've made a full recovery, this whole experience has put many things into perspective for me. It definitely has broken down some of the walls that I have had in the past and will allow me to be softer towards others, especially to the ones that have expressed kind words and even greater actions towards me.