My Depression

I shall start from the very beginning. I was only ten years old when things took a very terrible turn. To this day I suffer from PTSD, clinical depression, and anxiety.

A little bit of backstory about my family life. My father was never really around. Him and my mother were never married. They separated when I was still very young. My mother wasn't around much either when I was little she was mostly busy with work or trying to have some form of a social life.

So my grandma was who I spent most of my time with. I would go to her house every day after school. I loved her very much. I was a lot like her. Our personality and ways of thinking were very similar. We did everything together.

Unfortunately there was a lot of things she kept to herself. Neither me nor my mother really knew how sick she was. One night my mother finally convinced her to go to the doctor. My mother told me that she would only go after she told my grandma to go for me.

So we took her to the doctor who told us to take her to the hospital. She wanted to stop by her house just to grab a couple of things. She wanted to grab a change of clothes and maybe a book to read. Then we all got back in the car.

My mother was driving and my grandma was in the passenger seat, while I was sitting in the back seat. Suddenly my grandma reached for the handle above the car door and the visor. She let out a strange almost gurgle noise and then just went limp.

My grandma had suffered a heart attack in the car on the way to the hospital. My mother and I began to call for her with no response. I began to cry historically continuing to call for her. My mother told me that she needed me to calm down and when we get to the hospital she needed me to run in and get help.

That is exactly what I did, I ran in and told them my grandma was unresponsive. They went out to the vehicle and brought her in. Unfortunately she was not getting oxygen to her brain long enough to where she had substantial brain damage. She would be a vegetable which we knew she didn't want.

I was only ten years old and on December eighteenth I saw my grandma pass away in front of me. Till this day the events that happened still haunt me. It will flash across my mind every time I think of her. I love her and I will always miss her.

To all of you who have gone through something similar, I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to know that you ate so much stronger than you think. You will always miss the one you lost but it would make them so happy to see you living as full of a life as you possibly can. They would never want you to suffer for the rest of your life. Just take things one step at a time.

There will always be those bad days where no matter how hard you try you can't get the image out of your head but try to remember the good times you had with that loved one. I try my best every day to make her proud.

Even though it might seem difficult now it does begin to get easier to live with. I just try to have more good days then bad. If you have a bad day that is alright you will get through it. You are so much stronger than you think and asking for help is not weakness. We all need a little help every now and then.