My day always starts on the back-foot, the tell-tale sign for me at least : dreaded tiredness, exhaustion ; a constant ping-pong of emotions curtailing any progress that day with a voice in your head telling you these Negative thoughts revolving around like a conveyer belt or a super high way without any disregard for others in your path as you go from being a talkative, sociable person who is the funny one or the one to go to for advice- now a very harsh , cold hearted person saying all of these things which isn't really you except this is just the curse .
I sometimes feel like i am a character acting out his dark material yet that person i am playing isn't the character in the movie , it's me . my imagination on overdrive .
black dog can appear at anytime day or night and as someone who from a pre-teen - have been struggling with the Chaos of demon's a lot of my battles come from having been abused both Physically and Mentally, they say you will get over it but thats a lie; imagine being in a loop trap replaying that moment over and over again reacting to past trauma doing repeated damage years later
- you are probably thinking, how do i actually cope ?
Before i begin I'd just like to say that there's no shame in taking Medication
For the past few ( Eternity) month's as we have been in lockdown I as have everyone else's mental health has gotten a lot worse too the point - my medication is no longer working, and too top it off i suspect i have Bipolar because of the constant mood swings throughout the day.
However, we can all get through whatever it is that's affecting us ..since we have a lot of time on our hands i have been doing my self care routine along with CBT ( Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ) exercise etc and most importantly taking things one day at a time .
So, for instance in the morning i start with a five - ten minute Meditation then i would go and do a body workout to get the endorphins moving or i would go for a nice relaxing walk getting the morning fresh air- now the type of meditation i do is called Usui Reiki (Healing) but any meditation can help: while i do my routine i switch off ie phone, TV and all i have is calming music in the back ground or have absolute silence , it depend's .
My routine can or could change depending on how i am feeling that day- the same can be said for my routine before bed...
I remember watching an interview with the baddest woman on the planet Ronda Rousey where she talked about her struggles with depression etc and she said " you are one decision away from changing your life". and that stuck with me after that which is true , no matter how much we are struggling or how hard it gets you will always be faced with constant questions within yourself or from loved ones but through all of this never lose your voice, your strength to keep going through the storms.
Strength is not about being powerful, it's about having the fortitude to go through any storm, any waves while constantly moving taking it day by day in our recovery process.
Another way that has helped me in my daily recovery is having boundaries in place which falls in Self Care as it helps not only yourself but also helps those around you to recognise boundaries that are set in place.
If you are struggling and need to talk to someone then please ring Samaritan's on 116 123 .
About the Creator
Billy Byrne
Hi my name is Billy i suffer from mental health and have done since i was a pre-teen - i am also a member of the LGBTQIA+ community , a writer, Podcaster, lover of tattoos .
Instagram @billybyrneofficial
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