My Boyfriend's Best Friend Is Repeatedly “Badgered” by His Girlfriend

Have you heard the phrase, “stop badgering me?”

I am sure you have. But to those non-English speakers let me explain the meaning of this phrase. It means to persuade someone by telling them repeatedly to do something that they just don’t want to do!

Now does that sound like something your current or ex-girlfriend has ever done to you?

Why do you think is the badger used in this expression and not any other animal?

Because badgers are very tenacious, diligent, persistent — they don’t stop until they get what they want and need.They are just like a needy, controlling and abusive ex-girlfriend.

To some, unfortunately, the badger can represent an existing girlfriend.

My partner’s best friend had a stuffed badger for years. This animal has been at our place for over three years now. We’ve kept it in the living room but our big dog liked to “inspect” the badger too often, so we moved it into the spare room to keep it safe.

We used to make up stories about this badger, imagining that perhaps my partner’s friend has smuggled something inside this stuffed animal and that the police can burst through our front door any minute looking to confiscate whatever the badger hides. The mysterious badger kept intriguing our minds.

I liked the little dead animal because my partner liked it and because it meant a lot to his best friend.

So I respected my partner's wish to help out his friend in need.

You see, my partner’s childhood friend is in an abusive relationship. Just last week when my partner asked him to come by to help him sort out his stuff and take his badger back — his friend was unable to come.

Why?

Because of his girlfriend.

She just had to go pumpkin picking on Wednesday afternoon and she demanded that he goes with her. She imposed an ultimatum on him either they go mushroom picking or she won’t sleep with him for a week.

Just to get this out of the way — my partner’s friend hates mushroom picking but looks like he has no other option, right?

This weekend my partner is relocating. So he must either get rid of his friend's stuff (video games, records and the badger) or he will have to take them with us. I would not mind — but what about his friend?

So, my partner let his friend know.

“It’s either now or never bro. I am relocating. Will you come and help out? And do you want your badger or what?”

Within two hours his friend showed up after 3 years of never showing up. Yes, my partner hasn’t seen his friend in three years. Why?

Because of his girlfriend obviously. It seems to me that my partner’s friend has been suffering from an ancient version of covid. He has been isolating way before it’s been cool and mandatory.

He has been in the isolation since the day he met his girlfriend.

The truth is that my partner didn’t need help with sorting stuff out. My partner is capable on his own. After all, he is an amazing single father.

Nor he cared about the badger — we could have taken it with us.

The truth is that my partner cares about his friend.

All he needed was to make sure that his best friend is okay. So he came up with a strong enough excuse that would help his friend “free” himself for a couple of hours from the oppressor. When his friend showed up he was unrecognizable.

My partner’s friend gained significant weight, was exhausted, unhappy and barely spoke. His friend was an eery resemblance of the stuffed animal similar to the one that was stored in our spare room — the badger.

But it took only a few old records, a few cans of beer and old memories to make my partner awaken his best friend.

“Here you are… I missed you!”

My partner’s friend opened up about his romantically abusive relationship.

There are certain rules in their household that he must abide by. First, he is can play video games for only one hour per week. Second, he can pick once per month a place where he wants to go with her girlfriend. Third, if they are to see his friends, she must agree with his proposal and know about a week in advance.

He also added that when he manages to save enough money to buy them a house he might have “more power ”over her and just then perhaps he would be able to see my partner and their mutual friends “more often”.

To help his friend see relationships from a different perspective my partner spoke of us: told him how we are currently creating a gaming room, how their mutual friends would be visiting us in our lovely new hometown, and ultimately how things can be different in the healthy relationship.

“Sounds amazing…I am so happy for you. She is a keeper.”, my partner friend responded while opening the can of the fourth-or-fifth beer.

You see the problem is that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our society. We worship crazy, controlling and obsessive love — you know, that irrational love that somehow finds women throwing plates and knives at their partners and threatening suicide.

Society encourages women to keep their men “under leash” — rather than to walk hand in hand together.

Self-help articles out there aren’t helpful either — they tell women how to get their ex back. Why the hell would you want that? There is a reason why people break up!

Quite often these toxic controlling habits are on the verge of abuse. And many women emotionally abuse men. You should never feel like you have to put up with abuse, no matter how much you love your partner.

If your partner says these things, it is abuse and they don’t love you. Period.

“Why are you acting like that?” or “You are behaving now like a total loser!”

Name-calling is toxic, no matter how angry they are. People who call their partners names don’t want to resolve conflicts because they don’t know-how. People who name-call just want to put others down and make them feel miserable.

“Why can’t you just do as I say?” or “If only you would listen to me, everything would be okay…”

“Noone would put up with you as I do!” or “I have the power in this household because…”

Abusers use these phrases to control their partners. They want to crumble your self-esteem so you have no willpower to break free from the abuse and keep tolerating the toxic behaviour.

“If you loved me, you would stay with me today instead of seeing your friend.”

When you hear your partner using this phrase know that they trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. Your partner doesn’t have the right to control your actions, beliefs and needs. If your partner threatens you with a loss of finances, children, relationship, freedom, then you are being abused.

Other signs of abusive behaviour also include:

• Telling you what’s right for you;
• Demanding to know everything you do at all times;
• Controlling your money;
• Isolating you from loved ones and being present when you are with friends;
• Demanding you delete your social media accounts or require access to your devices.

Sometimes it is possible to mend a toxic relationship in certain instances — when each partner is committed to change.

But sometimes the best thing you can do is leave.

That evening my partner spent only one hour with his best friend. Altogether they were together three hours, but it took my partner 2 hours to bring his real friend back to life. It took a lot of alcohol too and a lot of patience.

During the time they had together, his girlfriend called him four times asking when he would be home — she needed him.

“Can she stop badgering you?”, my partner asked.

“She doesn’t like to be alone…”

Finally, my partner’s friend asked his girlfriend if he could bring back the stuffed badger.

“If you bring that creepy animal into our house, I will leave!”, she responded.

My partner called me up around midnight — he was happy and sad at the same time. Sad for his friend knowing too well that it would take years before he sees him again. Sad for his friend who is being emotionally abused and doesn’t realize that.

On another note, my partner was happy because we are in a healthy relationship and because hopefully, he managed to tell his friend that things can be different. Because no one should endure abuse.

“I guess we are taking the badger with us ?”, I asked.

“Yes. My friend doesn’t need the badger when he is living with one anyway…”

So perhaps, his girlfriend is right after all. Perhaps she does know what’s best for him. Perhaps he should listen to her and get rid of the badger once and for all.

If only he would realize that the real badger is her.

#Abusehasnoexcuse