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My Anxiety

Diving into Mental Health

By Thrifty, Curvy, & ThrivingPublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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I was getting ready to leave home and start a new adventure. I was excited and unbothered, at least I thought. I had the most awful gut wrenching pain in my chest, it hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think of anyone or anything in that moment; I honestly thought I was going to die, but it passed and I went on with my day with a fake happy facade and a worried “WTF was that” replaying over and over in my head. I left California and for the first time I was on my own; I had a new roommate, a new job, a new school... everything was different. That’s when the pain started again, I would be doing mundane things like laundry or cooking or even laying down and reading a book for homework. Obviously sharp pains in your chest should worry you, especially if it's followed by shortness of breath, that’s when I started to worry… maybe it something serious I had no clue but I was terrified.

Things were awful with my roommate for starters. I was never acknowledged as a person and always ignored, blamed, and 100% dismissed by her whenever I had something to say. My classes that semester were the hardest classes I’ve ever taken; I didn’t study half as much as I should have, my grades were slipping, and I just felt helpless. It was one day at work, I think it was a First Friday (keep in mind I work at one of the top bars in Honolulu so we are slammed on the weekends, especially First Fridays), the pain was so excruciating I couldn’t ignore it any longer. Looking back, I assumed, with all the crap going on in the house, that should be my "safe space." Everything with school, and now the stress from a new job (which I considered a three-unit class for all the studying and extra time I invested into it)… I broke. I felt like the whole bar could see my mental breakdown! I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak without crying, I couldn’t do this anymore.

The next week I called my mom. We laughed and we cried because, for the first time, I was admitting something was wrong. I wasn’t okay and just because I wasn’t physically hurt, I felt like no one would listen or care. My anxiety has affected my social life, my relationship at times (bless my boyfriend he’s amazing), my school work and my work life. But that was all before I knew how to embrace and control it! At first the doctors prescribed me a low dosage of Xanax, long story short this wasn’t for me. I hated putting that into my body and the most awful was feeling like a zombie… no thanks! So I found essential oils with the help of some very important ladies in my life! Essential oils and natural alternatives to Xanax have become a part of my daily routine; if I’m not wearing them, I’m diffusing them (I will write another post on my oils and which ones I use)! I am in control but not by suppressing my emotions, it’s important to feel and not negate your feelings! Your anxiety does not define you and you should never let it. Don't let me fool you, the oils aren't this magic potion you use to make it go away. It helps me focus on my breathing when I feel an anxiety attack coming on, they calm me down and the mere scent reminds me I am in control.

I urge everyone who struggles with understanding the extent of anxiety and how the chemical imbalance affects people everyday to listen to "Anziety" by Logic. It helped me accept my flaws (if it's even considered a flaw) and embrace it.

-Riah

anxiety
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About the Creator

Thrifty, Curvy, & Thriving

We are 2 college girls living everyday on a budget, & trying not to forget to take care of ourselves! Between both of our experiences we have seen it all. We hope we can share our stories and tips on how to navigate through college life

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