My Addiction Is Just Fixation

February 20th 2017, I woke up to reality and realised I had hidden in the sand so deep that I had let myself become a victim of addiction. I knew I had to face the world; I was a mum of five children and what I had done is lead us down a path that would result in homelessness, and there was no way I could avoid it.

I was ready to speak out, I was broken and a mess, but I knew the first step to recovery was telling someone, which is exactly what I did. I was armed and ready, telling myself that society would understand. That family, friends and everyone I knew would be supportive. I told myself that doctors would be there, and give me the uttermost amazing advice on beating my addiction.

I was foolish, and I quickly realised that so many did not see my addiction as anything other than fixation, or losing control. You see that wasn't the only issue. People also didn't realise that women can have the addiction and didn't realise just how serious it was.

You see, throughout my recovery, I always found the same responses from people when they found out what my addiction was. "How? Sorry if it seems forward, but I have never known women can become addicted to gambling." Or "Sorry but what sort of gambling? Was it horses, bingo or something else, I never knew women could suffer as well?" Those messages made me realise that the addiction is accepted, however, mostly among men.

People hear gambling addiction and instantly think of men, but why? Why do people not realise it is women as well? I understand, I mean, at one point in history only men gambled, but now? Well, about 50% of gambling addicts are women.

The issue was not just people not understanding women suffered from gambling addictions. It was the comments and remarks that made it sound like the addiction was nothing. "Oh, so you can't gamble at all ever again?" "Wait, you can't go to bingo? I thought you could as you were addicted to online slots" my favourite had to be people asking me to gamble. "Do you want to go to bingo?" "Do you want to join bitcoin?"

These things made me realise people didn't see my addiction in a serious light, I knew those same people would not say to someone else who had an alcohol addiction. "You can't drink ever again, I thought you could drink whiskey as you only drank brandy when you were addicted." Their words made me realise society needed to hear it first had how gambling addiction kills. As it does. Research has shown gambling addiction is the most significant cause of suicide among all addictions! Yet society doesn't see it as a big issue? Why?

My battle for survival wasn't easy. It was actually that painful at times I considered suicide as the only way out.

My recovery took four years, three of which was one battle after another, every time I took a step toward happiness. I got pulled back a thousand miles, and more hurdles added.

My story isn't easy to write, nor is it quick. It took me months to write my story in full. The story can be found on Amazon, take a look for My addiction is just fixation, read first hand how it feels to have an addiction people see as less than addiction and purely just a fixation.