Murder, Suicide, and Unconditional Love

When you hear of a mass shooting or a murder / suicide, the first question is almost always "how did this happen?" Well… I am going to tell you how this happens.

My son Eden James Dupuy was born on September 18th, 1998. His life was never easy. He was the sweetest and most beautiful little boy you could ever know.

During his infancy, his turmoil was evident. The only time he felt safe and secure was when I was holding, nursing, or rocking him… which I did almost continuously for two years. It was the best two years of my life raising this baby. During that time, he inspired me to invent a product that ignited a movement, and he was very proud of that.

A Diagnosis and a Death Sentence

His social issues were evident at the age of 4. He was not socializing with others and would melt down if there was too much stimulation. At 8, he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, formerly known as Aspergers Syndrome.

School was NEVER easy for him. He never fit in. He couldn't do things the other kids could do, even though he would try so very hard. He was always alone in his head or off away from other people. The other kids were kind enough, but no one really sat with him at lunch. My heart broke for him over and over again.

I felt powerless to help my child with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I always tried to tell Eden he was no different from anyone else, that he just experienced the world differently.

He was brilliant, talented, and incredibly kind and sweet to others. He never wanted a label put on him. Who can blame him? While therapy helped when he was younger, I had trouble finding resources for him as he got older.

If I would have known this diagnosis could have led to his death... maybe I would have tried harder?!

As an adolescent in high school, life was a constant struggle. Eden attended three different high schools in 4 years. In his senior year, he just stopped caring or trying.

Eden had few friends, other than the community of other gamers he would play with online and his younger brother Bennett, his best friend. I was always so glad that they had each other. Eden was always looking out for his little brother.

During the Summers, my boys would spend time with their Dad in Marksville, LA, in the country. I was a full-time single parent of a special needs child for most of my time as a parent, and the break was always welcome for me. After Eden graduated from High School, he decided to stay living with his dad, Terry.

Eden enjoyed the country life compared to the city of New Orleans. He enjoyed the simplicity and being close to his aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Finally, he felt like he had somewhere that he fit in! I was happy that he was happy.

Eden desperately wanted to join the Air Force and to fly planes! The Air Force would not take him because he had been on Prozac for a time, which helped pull him out of severe depression when he was a Junior. Eden was very disappointed. He had hopes that maybe after some time, the Air Force would take him. They did not.

Finding a job was difficult for Eden due to his "differentness." But he was so proud to get his first job at Beyond a Spectrum, an Autism support center in Marksville, LA. It was a very part-time job, but he LOVED going to work every day. The people who ran the center loved Eden as well. He finally felt like he had a purpose.

Things started to look up for him again when he was hired as a bellhop at the Casino in Marksville. He applied, interviewed, and got a full-time job 100% on his own. He was SO proud of himself, and so was I. He showed up every day and did an amazing job and was hoping to move up at the casino there. He had even made some friends there, too.

I had hope that he might just be OK!

Eden was saving for a car and the ability to live on his own and possibly travel. I talked to him the day before he died, and our topic of discussion was him getting a 4-Runner and living in it. "VanLife" he said. "I've been researching it."

I laughed. I was planning for VanLife too. I could not condemn or dissuade. I could only dream that dream with him.

I think we shared the same free-spirited wanderlust, Eden and I.

Eden's dad Terry also had undiagnosed and untreated Autism Spectrum disorder. He was highly intelligent, wildly talented, and tried to help others when he could. Due to his talent with music, his eccentricity was acceptable. It is one of the things I found endearing about him when we met 27 years ago.

Eden and his father Terry shared a special bond due to their shared challenge in life. They were inseparable.

They had a bond that began at birth. They seemed to understand each other when no one else could.

But the thing many, but not all, people on the spectrum struggle with is social skills. They don't know the right things to say or not to say.

They struggle to recognize social cues to know when they are upsetting someone. That caused many problems for Terry in his two romantic relationships and with his children.

They seem to see the world through a different set of lenses than most people. When there is a problem, they struggle to communicate that, and it is a real challenge to ask for HELP!

They will tell you, "everything is fine" if they feel that is the "appropriate" thing to say… and to them, it may very well be fine within their perception.

Both Terry and Eden had a hard time with stressful situations and had little impulse control. They would meltdown, say things they shouldn't, and "lose it" at times.

I know the Autism Spectrum Disorder meltdowns all too well.

Terry had many stressors over the last 15 years of his life. Two divorces, four children, and several failed business attempts are enough to put people who can handle stress appropriately over the edge.

I watched his mental and physical health decline over the years, but he kept trying to make "life" work for him.

I admired him for that.

And I think everyone, including his children, tried to get him to quit drinking. No one was successful.

But as we all know, alcohol is a social lubricant, and it is a godsend to someone with social anxiety issues.

When Eden decided to stay and live with his dad after he had turned 19, I felt he was old enough and mature enough to leave my nest and live with his dad full-time.

We (the family) all felt it was good for both of them. We were happy that at least they had each other. It gave meaning and purpose to Terry's life and Eden a sense of independence. Terry's family were always keeping an eye on the two, to make sure they were OK. I was grateful for that.

I often wanted Eden to come home. He wanted to stay where he was.

I could tell Eden felt his dad needed care-taking. And although that was not a role I wanted for my 21-year-old son, I was proud of him for stepping up!

None of this answers the question as to why this child killed his dad.

Due to his under-diagnosed and untreated Autism Spectrum Disorder, mental health issues and alcoholism, Terry just never knew when to quit. He would pick on Eden a lot, calling his son names and insulting him, which I have witnessed on too many occasions.

Terry could never see it that way. If he could have, I don't think he would have said the things that he would... even to me. He had absolutely NO filter on his words.

I had hoped all of my pleas for him to stop would be heard. I remember saying to Terry, "one day, he will lose it on you," and I was right.

Terry also projected a lot of his frustration with himself onto Eden. Eden would yell at his dad to shut up, but Terry would not. When I would ask Eden how he and his dad were getting along, he would say, "Oh, we are doing great, nothing to worry about mom." And I believed him.

Was he saying what he felt was appropriate? Was he trying to protect me from worrying? I don't know. I will never know.

A few months ago, I found out that Eden had bought a shotgun. I immediately made my disapproval known to both Eden and Terry. Terry assured me that he was using it responsibly and that he was teaching Eden how to shoot.

They lived in the heart of "gun country" so this was not unusual.

I did not know that there were other guns in the house that were recently purchased as well. Who sells three firearms in a short period to a young adult with autism?

He struggled to get people to hire him because he was noticeably "different," but he could buy a semi-automatic rifle without a problem.

When Covid-19 hit New Orleans, Terry began calling with warnings that it would be anarchy and to be careful. He would talk to me about the gas masks he was using and reference the apocalypse. Little did I know that he believed it was happening, and Eden believed everything that Terry would say.

They began stockpiling food and were riding around with loaded guns in the vehicle to "protect themselves."

Terry began wearing a gun on his hip when he went out, Eden did the same.

No one seemed to see that Terry was losing his grip on reality, but it is clear after the fact that he was having a psychotic break.

It wasn't until I read Terry's last Facebook post that I realized just how delusional Terry had become. People were trying to confront him about his paranoid rantings, but he could not hear them.

A few days before the incident, Terry took one of the guns and shot up Eden's computer because he didn't clean up in the house. It is important to note here that the computer is the ONLY place in this world that Eden felt he fit in. He had a community of online friends he had been friends with for years. They looked up to him as a master at his game craft. He was "cool" online. The computer is where Eden lived his "normal" life as best as he could.

Everything was taken away from him with a bullet!

Now… all Eden had left was a small, cluttered two-room house that he was confined to, was ordered to stay in, had no link to the outside world or his friends, and his sense of safety was shattered.

On Easter Sunday at 4:04 PM, I got a call that "Eden and Terry are both dead." My son shot his father, then turned the gun on himself.

My son Eden was a gentle soul. What he lacked in social prowess he made up with a heart of gold and a smile that would light up a room. But we all have our breaking points, and Eden was pushed to his.

The guns were within arms reach, they were loaded, and he simply snapped. There is nothing to lead anyone to believe that this was pre-meditated.

We are ALL still in shock that their lives are over.

No one will know what happened between them and why their lives ended the way they did. But I can tell you this… mental illness, alcoholism, the stress of this pandemic, the fear instilled by the media, and the easy access to guns in this country with no screening for mental health killed both of them.

Neither one of them is truly to blame.

However, on my son's police report, it states "1st Degree Murder" without as much of an investigation into why. Nobody cared to ask!

During the weeks following my son's death, I found out that concerned citizens reported the incident with the shooting of Eden's computer to both the Avoyelles Parish Sherriff's office and the Marksville Police Department.

No one did anything.

No one went to the house.

No one arrested Terry for shooting a firearm in the house as a threat to another person.

No one wanted to fool with "that crazy guy" down the street!

My son and his dad lived steps from the police department. Their deaths were preventable!

Today, I am finding peace as best I can. I hope by telling Eden's story, someone's life can be saved.

I hope authorities start taking reports of domestic violence seriously.

I hope it becomes a little bit harder for people with mental issues to buy guns.

I hope moms with children on the spectrum pay a little bit closer attention... I feel like I failed there, although I did the best that I could.

I hope people find it in their hearts to be kinder and more accepting to people on the spectrum, or anyone different from them.

I hope... my son's death was not in vain!

The death of a child is nothing I would wish on my worst enemy. The pain is unspeakable, primal, and raw. I have felt like I will never recover. I have felt like giving up.

But I must survive, and that means choosing the lens in which I choose to perceive this entire horrible life-altering trauma.

Otherwise, I would have found insanity. I was getting very close.

Today, I choose to proceed with LOVE. I prefer to have empathy for BOTH of their struggles in this life. I try to understand instead of accuse. I choose to have gratitude instead of "what ifs." And I choose... to forgive.

What's the alternative, really?

We are all just people doing the best that we can with what we were given. These two people did the best that they could. I did the best that I could.

There are many things which could have been done better... I hope we learn from these things and change where we can.

Nothing else matters. In the end, the only thing that remains... is LOVE.

If you would like to follow my journey as I continue to heal and find meaning in this world, please join me on my podcast, Refusing to Drown.