Morning Monster

Waking up was a rough patch this morning, I felt a pressure on my body that I was starting to get used to. It was like the gods were wanting me to show how angry I could get today. Though thus far I have illuded the idea of anger, but at the same time, I want to give into it. There has been little feel that I could ever change the way that I want to.

I stared the day with a morning stretch and looked down upon the bed where my sleeping wife lied. I smiled and looked at the clock. I rushed into my son’s room and with enough time too, to get him off to school. Waking in the nick of time, he took his medicine and drank a glass of water, then headed to the bus which picked him up right in front of our home.

I sat down and began my day with some meditation music and focused on my home base, the breath that tingles the back of my throat when I breath in deep. Awakened by the sounds of rain as the meditation of the day passed through, the ten-minute exercise was making me feel like I can accomplish anything and that I am strong enough to handle it, upon other things and feelings.

Yet still, as the morning passes on, I found myself growing in anger where my wife (who works from home and sits near me) had to come out yelling our safe word to make me realize where I was heading. Yet still, the anger rose inside of me while writing emails to a company about our furniture. I wrote angerly until they called and gave them a horrid review and let others know not to shop with them. Despite all that, I wallowed in the grief and anger that things were not done my way, or on a timely manner, it seemed to me that they were not wanting to take my order, though now figured out and all is well… I still will not send people to them.

Here again I called upon my skills that I have learned over the past couple weeks, I began to focus my breathing, relax my body, focused on the idea that I am enough. I relaxed my shoulders, felt my arms, hands, and all the way to my feet. I felt the tingling sensation all the way through and once I reached a happy point, I opened my eyes and felt majorly better, felt more like myself.

I fully recommend meditation and have a list of apps that are free or cost very little depending if you are apple or android:

Apple:

1) BREATHE2RELAX

a. Manage stress by learning and practicing deep-breathing exercises

2) LIFEARMOR

a. Take self-assessments and learn more about topics like PTSD, anger, depression, and more

3) PTSD COACHJ

a. PTSD Support

And the best one that I can recommend for Android is CALM.

It cost a subscription fee of $70 a year, but thus far I am finding it majorly worth it.

I don’t mean to promote these things, but they work and I am more amazed than ever before, I used to hate on those who did meditation because I thought that it was fake and not useful in anyway. Now I think and believe differently, I am a full supporter of meditation, guided now, that is what I prefer, but the apps above that I have mentioned, I do not know if there are any costs to them, but please check it out.

Don’t forget, there is someone out there for you, there is a number if you need to call, please do, it is the Crisis Line. Veterans press 1 to get to a Vet coordinator who will listen and help you if needed.

1-800-273-8255

For immediate help in dealing with a personal crisis, please call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat, or text 838255. Veterans Crisis Line responders are trained to listen and offer support to Veterans in crisis and their loved ones. Please do not use this email form to obtain crisis counseling.