Misery Wants Company

That's what he used to say about her. "Misery Wants Company". Her own father tried to warn me about her. He basically told me that she would just drag me down with her. She did this to everyone, not because she was sadistic and wanted to see people’s failures and sadness. It was more because she felt better and more comfortable if everyone around her was as unhappy as she was. I kind of always knew he was right but I'm not sure I fully understood what he meant.

It isn't until now that I've realized how much truth there was to what he was trying to tell me. I was maybe thirteen years old at the time when he said these words to me while trying to explain her behaviour. She cared for me so much and yet it was like she didn't want to me go on and be successful and happy. Her words could cut like a knife and definitely left me feeling wounded at times. Sometimes she did it in sly, cunning sort of way. She was quick to make someone question themselves or the situation they're in. She would edge in her commentaries and list all the things that she sees wrong. Leaving someone feeling so much criticism and self-doubt that they could never go anywhere or do anything.

The worst is that she did this all unknowingly; she never realized that she had allowed herself to see everything with this dark hue. That she could only see the bad in things. She had fallen into the bottom of a bottle and that bottle was dark, full of despair and anger and it was lonely there. So anyone that would come into contact with her she would try to bring them down to her level.

Those words lingered there in the back of my mind and would play out to me every-time someone would say or do something awful to me I would remind myself, "Misery wants company". It's like I was using it as an excuse for them! I was excusing their behaviour and using it as reason to look past whatever they had said or done. Essentially, I was allowing myself to be the "company".

I am in my mid-thirties and only now am I coming to this realization! I have pushed through my whole life with these negative people sitting on my back. Always waiting to crush me when the opportunity would present itself, never really being supportive, but always acting like they are.

I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting so far this year. I am in the process of quitting smoking and drinking and trying to live a healthier life style. I've started journaling and paying close attention to my surroundings. That being said I recently went through a situation where I was faced with this once again. Some of my so-called "closest people" were implicating themselves in my life again, passing judgment on me and putting me on the defence.

Generally speaking I am a good person, a decent mother and wife, a good employee, I live a pretty simple life. So why do I feel as though I'm not good? Why do I feel like a failure sometimes even though nothing is actually falling apart? Maybe it's because I'm constantly being judged and questioned and being brought down by the very people that are supposed to love me and care for me!

Now normally when faced with a situation like this I would either have a good cry then wonder if they're right? Or I would go to my husband for reassurance, have a good laugh over a few glasses of wine talk about how crazy it all is! Except this time is different, it feels different, for one there's no wine! Another reason is because I'm on this journey to try to better myself and I feel like I can rid myself of all the physical toxins like cigarettes and alcohol but I must also get rid of the emotional toxins too. That means I can't make up excuses for this type of behaviour. I've come to realize that I should not surround myself with people that will ultimately bring me down.

A good friend of mine would often tell me that I needed to create boundaries with these people and not allow them to be so close to me. This always felt impossible because as much as they love to shit on me they also love to lean on me and I feel the need to be there for them. Crazy right?

So here I am reflecting on this and all that I can think about are those words "Misery wants company". I'm starting to see all the times things were made harder for me by simply surrounding myself with the wrong people. Now as an adult I can see that this is not something I want anymore. I have decided that I will not be misery's companion anymore.

My hope is that I'm not alone. That maybe someone will read this and realize whose company they have been in. If so please choose not to be surrounded by misery and find the people that are your cheerleaders! The people that believe in you, that lift you, that truly love you. We should surround ourselves with happiness because I bet happiness also loves company. That's what I will be looking for from now on.

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