Mindfulness 101

In the morning my body awakens.

My mind and body exhausted from the last day of work.

I sit up and take a moment for myself.

I close my eyes and try to clear my mind, and cleanse my soul.

With my eyes closed I embrace the darkness.

I begin to hum as not to hear the hustle and bustle outside.

I think of work, and family, but this is about me not them.

I take in a breathe and focus on my lungs inhaling then exhaling, and they are gone.

I try to hide from them as a tree. Feet hanging above me, my head buried in the soil.

With spades and jack hammers they return to my mind.

The worries of the world.

I board a rocket and fly to space, someplace far from the human race.

But even on Mars, and among the stars, I find no solace from my fellow Earthlings.

Why do they follow where I am? Why do I keep letting them in?

I focus on the darkness, my eyes wide shut. And they come with flashlights like on a hunt.

My breathing shallow I focus on my breaths, and let four seconds in, pause for three seconds, and release for four seconds.

After four breathes everyone left, and a silent mind returned.

I go back to a childhood memory.

Mother teaching me to sew. In, and out the needle goes as I sew my first patch.

Then they return. Barging in through the door of my childhood home.

My spouse is yelling, my boss demanding, my co-workers laughing, my children crying.

This all runs through my mind. I prick my finger, and focus on my pains.

That does not make them go away, in fact they get louder.

I get up, and leave this memory and focus on my breathe again.

One-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand, four-one thousand, and darkness comes again.

I focus on my hobbies, and see my favorite sports star make a score.

But he's cheering me on. Security has my worries at bay.

And as I score myself, they cannot help but come my way.

Now a person I hurt years ago has joined the chorus.

Something that was not supposed to separate us.

But that's what happened, and time doesn't heal some wounds.

Or does it, and I'm overthinking this too?

So, instead of running I confront my distractions.

No, Honey, I'm not seeing someone else.

Yes, Honey, I will try to make more time to play games.

No, Boss, I'm behind schedule on this assignment, but I'll do my best to finish on time.

Just because I'm not the best or fastest, I get the job done.

I'm sorry I hurt you. I can only hope that you forgive me, and that we can move forward as friends.

Each one thanks me in my mind, as they wander off like ghosts from the past.

I learn something new about myself before they can leave. I take these lessons to me in the real world.

I realize I'm at fault, and that I can only control how I react to situations.

As the last one leaves, darkness returns, and I focus on my breathe.

Five-one thousand, six-one thousand, seven-one thousand, eight-one thousand. It starts again.

New thoughts race through my mind.

Traffic, crimes, wars, and news in general.

So many cars on the road. Where to go if disaster struck while I was driving on the road?

What if someone breaks into my home? While my spouse, and children were there it would be even worse.

My children would fear staying or leaving, my wife would be fearful too.

Should I move to the suburbs to be more safe? Or elsewhere in the city to amend my mistakes?

Will the cops come and get me for something I haven't done.

Or will I lose my job just for trying to have some fun?

Will my children be drafted off to war, or might they just get hurt walking out of our door?

Beep! Beep! Beep! The alarm goes off. Ten more minutes off the shelf, and I go back to being my true self.